Friday Jokes Part 2
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Depends
Posts: 16
In light of recent panic buying Aussie supermarkets have introduced purchase limits:
Coles: 2 hand sanitisers, 24 toilet rolls
Woolworths: 1 hand sanitiser, 18 toilet rolls, 2kg rice
IGA: 12 rolls toilet paper. 1kg rice
Aldi: 2 trumpets, 1 diving suit, 1 Mig welder
Coles: 2 hand sanitisers, 24 toilet rolls
Woolworths: 1 hand sanitiser, 18 toilet rolls, 2kg rice
IGA: 12 rolls toilet paper. 1kg rice
Aldi: 2 trumpets, 1 diving suit, 1 Mig welder
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 76
Our stocks crashed, we get <1.0% on any fixed deposits and our Superannuation is stuffed. Fires and floods. And now a virus pandemic. The down turn is hitting everybody really hard! Things couldn’t be much worse judging by this:
1. In NY I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
2. Exxon-Mobil lays off 25 US Congressmen.
3. If the bank returns your cheque marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
4. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
5. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
6. My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, so they re-possessed her.
7. A truckload of Germans was caught sneaking into Syria.
8. A picture is now only worth 200 words.
9. The Treasure Island Casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
And, finally; I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., that I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
1. In NY I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
2. Exxon-Mobil lays off 25 US Congressmen.
3. If the bank returns your cheque marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
4. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
5. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
6. My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, so they re-possessed her.
7. A truckload of Germans was caught sneaking into Syria.
8. A picture is now only worth 200 words.
9. The Treasure Island Casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
And, finally; I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., that I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Coasting South
Age: 66
Posts: 68
In my local supermarket I saw a chap with a trolley full of sanitisers, toilet rolls, wipes, etc. I had a real go at him, called him a selfish [email protected], you should be ashamed of yourself, you're depriving others, old people and so on.
He replied. "That's alright mate, I work here and just filling the shelves."
He replied. "That's alright mate, I work here and just filling the shelves."
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Farnham, Surrey
Posts: 1,284
Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
"Romeo, Romeo - wherefore art thy hand sanitiser?"
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
"Romeo, Romeo - wherefore art thy hand sanitiser?"
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Farnham, Surrey
Posts: 1,284
That Sam-I-am!
That Sam-I-am!
I do not like
that Sam-I-am!
Do you like green eggs and ham?
I do not like them,
Sam-I-am.
I do not like
green eggs and ham.
But that's all that was left in Sainsburys
That Sam-I-am!
I do not like
that Sam-I-am!
Do you like green eggs and ham?
I do not like them,
Sam-I-am.
I do not like
green eggs and ham.
But that's all that was left in Sainsburys
