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Friday Jokes Part 2

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Friday Jokes Part 2

Old 14th Oct 2020, 20:45
  #361 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Farnham, Surrey
Posts: 1,284
A horse walks into a bar and says "On a right-angled triangle with faces X, Y and Z, if X and Z are perpendicular, which face is opposite the right angle?"

The bartender says "Y, long face."

PDR

Last edited by PDR1; 14th Oct 2020 at 21:17.
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Old 19th Oct 2020, 07:37
  #362 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Wilts
Posts: 128
It’s a little known fact that if you contract Corvid 19 the touchscreen on your phone doesn’t work.

That should keep the youngsters indoors.
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Old 21st Oct 2020, 12:37
  #363 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Wilts
Posts: 128
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed,

Observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off

He asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

'I'd like to be twelve again', she replied,

Still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops,

And then took her to Alton Towers theme park.

What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park;

The Death Slide, the Corkscrew,

The Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there Was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.

Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a Mc Donald's

Where he ordered her a Happy Meal

With extra fries and a chocolate shake..

Then it was off to the cinema with popcorn,

A huge Cola, and her favourite sweets......M&M's..

What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband

And collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile

And lovingly asked,

'Well Dear, what was it like being twelve again?'

Her eyes slowly opened

And her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you retard!!!!'

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it frickin' wrong.
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Old 21st Oct 2020, 13:40
  #364 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: England
Posts: 172
My wife for her birthday said she wanted to be 16 again. So I took her to the picture, went for chips afterwards.
Then I dropped her off at her parents and went home.

Result
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Old 21st Oct 2020, 23:45
  #365 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Tweet Rob_Benham Famous author. Well, slightly famous.
Age: 81
Posts: 4,884
Archaeologists have found an amazing burial chamber in the Valley of the Kings.

The burial seals to the secret antechamber had escaped robbers, and were in pristine condition. The body was coated in chocolate coated honey oils and nuts.

It is believed to be Pharoah Roche.
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Old 22nd Oct 2020, 15:50
  #366 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Here
Age: 43
Posts: 13
I went to an Indian restaurant last night. After I’d ordered, a little old lady came up to me and said, “You really are a polite young man. You have such lovely manners and you’re so handsome, too”.
Apparently, it was the complimentary nan.
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Old 26th Oct 2020, 09:17
  #367 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: UK
Age: 56
Posts: 19
An old one, but still hold true....

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'

The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a policeman comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The policeman was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
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Old 27th Oct 2020, 03:06
  #368 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Manitoba Canada
Age: 68
Posts: 166
Newfoundland Seal Flipper Recipe

Buy 6 fresh seal flippers at the fishing docks
Simmer them for one hour on low heat
While waiting …. go to the wife’s grocery budget
Remove $14 from the dog food category
Use it to buy a large pizza
Eat the pizza
Give the seal flippers to the dog.
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