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Friday Jokes Part 2

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Friday Jokes Part 2

Old 24th Mar 2020, 17:28
  #221 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Delta of Venus
Posts: 430
I could tell you a Corona virus joke, but you wouldn't get it for two weeks....
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Old 24th Mar 2020, 23:03
  #222 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
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To be fair he was very polite when asking.


https://discourse-sotonians-uploads.s3.dualstack.eu-west-2.amazonaws.com/original/2X/7/7dc0d39708e7a254750c732eb2770ceef548caa9.mp4

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Old 25th Mar 2020, 12:16
  #223 (permalink)  
 
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Auxtank is online now  
Old 25th Mar 2020, 18:02
  #224 (permalink)  

Only half a speed-brake
 
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Old 26th Mar 2020, 05:06
  #225 (permalink)  
 
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Old 26th Mar 2020, 05:28
  #226 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
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Prince Charles is in self isolation with Covid 19
Prince Andrew is in self isolation with Sofie 15
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Old 26th Mar 2020, 16:12
  #227 (permalink)  
 
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Old 27th Mar 2020, 02:32
  #228 (permalink)  
See and avoid
 
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Chocolate Bunnies Don Surgical Masks in Preparation of Self-Isolated Easter


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Old 27th Mar 2020, 02:38
  #229 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
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#ClapForOurCarers

Highly commendable, but isn't the NHS under enough pressure as it is?

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Old 27th Mar 2020, 13:49
  #230 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
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At 8pm last night I went outside to bring in the bins.
I got a standing ovation from all of the neighbours.
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Old 27th Mar 2020, 14:00
  #231 (permalink)  
Gnome de PPRuNe
 
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Old 27th Mar 2020, 14:40
  #232 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Under the flight path
Posts: 2,262
Do you know what my biggest regret about 2020 is?


Dry January.
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Old 27th Mar 2020, 17:19
  #233 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Wilts
Posts: 127
You know you are in the middle of a pandemic when Coronavirus becomes predictive text.
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Old 27th Mar 2020, 18:45
  #234 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Under the flight path
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Subject: Doctor's advice
 Well it has come from a doctor so must be right.
Heard a Dr. on TV saying in this time of Coronavirus staying at home we should focus on inner peace. To achieve this we should always finish things we start and we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked through my house to find things i'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiumun srciptuns, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum. And two hash yer wands, stafe day avrybobby!!!
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Old 27th Mar 2020, 21:32
  #235 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: At work (Often)
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I'm not taking the blame for this one.
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Old 27th Mar 2020, 23:14
  #236 (permalink)  

Only half a speed-brake
 
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Old 27th Mar 2020, 23:15
  #237 (permalink)  

Only half a speed-brake
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Commuting home
Age: 42
Posts: 2,925

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Old 28th Mar 2020, 01:34
  #238 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Looking for the signals square at LHR
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Due to the current financial situation caused by the corona virus and the general slowdown in the economy, the government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early and mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.
This scheme will be known as RAPE - Retire Aged People Early.

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the government to be considered for the SHAFT programme - Special Help After Forced Termination.

Those who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW arrangements - System Covering Retired-Early Workers.

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the government deems appropriate.

People who have been RAPED could get AIDS - Additional Income for Dependants and Spouse, or they may contract HERPES - Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance.

Obviously, those with AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the government.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT - Special High Intensity Training - as possible. The government has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it heaps upon the electorate.

Should you feel that you.feel that you are not receiving enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Member of Parliament who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
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Old 28th Mar 2020, 09:11
  #239 (permalink)  
 
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Old 28th Mar 2020, 14:02
  #240 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: London
Posts: 845
Not a joke per se but made me LOL

A medical fetish site says it has donated its entire stock of disposable scrubs to an NHS hospital that was “desperate” for supplies.

In a thread posted on Twitter, MedFetUK wrote:
We have been contacted this week by representatives of NHS procurement all over the country, trying to source basic protective equipment and clothing.

When we, a tiny company set up to serve a small section of the kink community, find ourselves being sought out as a last-resort supplier to our National Health Service in a time of crisis, something is seriously wrong. In fact, it’s scandalous.
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