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5 finger shuffling in pub!!!

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5 finger shuffling in pub!!!

Old 8th Jul 2017, 21:49
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5 finger shuffling in pub!!!

We went for a meal and pint at a pub in town yesterday evening. The place was busy/noisy/crowded but we got a table and ordered food. As we waiting for our food and supping the first pints I noticed a couple of odd bods sitting near a table not far from us. One was an ordinary looking bloke, sitting quietly and making his half last all evening. The other was a young-ish chap, a bit gawky, baseball cap the right way round, bottle bottom glasses, a bit fidgety, kept stretching his shirt about and moving his legs oddly, holding a one man gurning competition, had a bright green cuddly toy clasped to one shoulder, clearly a few sandwiches short of a picnic but not bothering anyone. I think the two chaps might have been together but as they didn't speak to each other or anyone else I can't be sure.

Food turned up and we tucked in. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the fidgety one adjusting his trousers and pulling up at the legs. Then he appeared to be scratching his nuts. The gurning continued. The other bloke didn't seem to notice anything. I didn't turn to look but got on with my food. The fidgeting went on. Eventually I looked that way and realised that fidgety one was rubbing a stiffy through his clothing. Blatant, vigorous, making no attempt to be discrete. He was looking around but nobody was taking any notice. He was still gurning. Every so often the finger shuffling paused but soon started again. I was a bit surprised but unsure what, if anything, I should do.

When my partner had finished her food I told her what was still going on over her shoulder. She was a bit stunned but saw the funny side of it.

There was a few people hovering around waiting for tables so we finished our beers and got up to go. I did warn the chaps who took our table why the view might put them off their food but they laughed it off. We left.

Still, now they have stopped smoking in pubs folk need something to do with their hands!
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Old 8th Jul 2017, 22:05
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Was that the Cock Inn?
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Old 8th Jul 2017, 22:13
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Do you think perhaps the chap concerned might have had learning difficulties? And the bloke with him was perhaps caring for him?

Various causes of intellectual impairment can be associated with odd movements - e.g. fidgeting, facial grimacing (could be described as "gurning"), odd limb movements, pulling at clothing etc.

Under the circumstances - discretely mentioning the issue to the carer would probably be the most appropriate thing to do.
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Old 8th Jul 2017, 22:21
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The guy was just enjoying a stiff one.
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Old 8th Jul 2017, 23:28
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I heard of someone having their haircut who copped a smack across the head with a brush when the hairdresser suspected he was pleasuring himself under the cloth. It turned out he was only cleaning his glasses.
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Old 8th Jul 2017, 23:53
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Did you notice if he was blind?
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Old 9th Jul 2017, 03:36
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Originally Posted by rans6andrew View Post
Wrote: We went for a meal and pint at a pub in town yesterday evening... (and much more)
Suggestion: Check the marquee and make sure you're not going on "touch yourself" night.

All kidding aside, the gawky guy probably does have some sort of problem.

Hell, what am I saying?

He most assuredly has some sort of problem. If that's normal for him, well, that's a problem.

If it was just a "one off" (forgive the pun) then that's a problem, too.

"Hey, bro, cover for me, I'm gonna scratch one out in my pants."
"Sure, man, go for it."

Years ago, back when I was in high school, we had a "serial masturbater" who kept us amused. History, biology, gym, wherever the fancy took him. He was a little under par for IQ, but far from stupid, and just enjoyed beating his meat when he knew people would discover him.

I'd like to use the phrase "it takes all kinds," but I'm not that naive anymore. It doesn't take all kinds, and this dude massaging his pud in public is a kind it doesn't take.

I hope there were no children in the pub who witnessed it.
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Old 9th Jul 2017, 09:10
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There was a video going around a few months back of a security guard at a football game in the US , watching the cheerleaders and playing pocket billiards.
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Old 9th Jul 2017, 09:23
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Now had that been down Strait Street in the old days he could have had a young lady doing the bizz for him for the price of a drink or 10
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Old 9th Jul 2017, 09:40
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Young ladies in Strait Street? Things must have changed since I was last there.
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Old 9th Jul 2017, 11:08
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On a more serious note, is it possible that the person concerned had learning difficulties?

The reason I ask is that many years ago I went out with an occupational therapist for a time, and she had chosen to specialise in helping people with learning difficulties cope with sexual feelings. It's not something I'd given any thought about until then, but it's apparently a common issue that isn't (or wasn't at that time) very well acknowledged. Impulse control is something we learn to control as we develop, but can be difficult for someone with learning difficulties to acquire. One of the major challenges is how to teach someone who may have the mental capacity of, say, a 6 year old, to deal with the natural and hormone driven urges of someone older.

I believe that "inappropriate sexual conduct" is something that those caring for people with severe learning difficulties find one of the most challenging things to manage. A friend of my mother has a daughter with severe learning difficulties, and still carries around a fluffy toy and a portable radio now, in her 50's, and behaves very like a young child in most respects. They had to take the very difficult decision (and one I find hard to accept, morally) to have her sterilised when she was a teenager, as they discovered that she was having sex whenever there was any opportunity and there was little they could do to stop it, especially once she was over 18.
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Old 9th Jul 2017, 21:08
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about the damn barking dog, it was barking when I had my breakfast more than 12 hours ago. It is still out there croaking. Same as every day. It gets progresivly more urgent/desparate for the first few hours, every day, and then it starts to get hoarse. It still doesn't stop though. The environmental health noise evaluation chap says "it is not loud enough to constitue a statuary niusance", but he would wouldn't he, he was a limp lettuce if ever I met one and he lives 20 miles away. I wonder why the folk who live closer don't complain, they have all told me it is a pain in the rump.

Rans6......
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Old 9th Jul 2017, 21:15
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When I worked in a hospital for mentally disabled adults many years ago the nurses called one day of the week "Wanking Wednesday" I don't know why but I don't think is applied to staff.
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Old 9th Jul 2017, 21:21
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I was once offered "a quick one" under Bognor pier (when it was still a proper pier), by a very comely blonde. As it was early afternoon and mid summer I politely declined her kind proposal.

My main reservation (despite the obvious temptation) was the prospect of providing what would have probably been an unwelcome show to the hoards of families enjoying themselves on the beach that sunny day.

She married a teacher and has 5 adult offspring and possibly grandchildren. What might have been..........

NEO
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Old 9th Jul 2017, 21:22
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"What's in it for me?"

"Sand !"
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Old 9th Jul 2017, 21:28
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Exactly ! She wasn't a sandwich short of a picnic either.

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Old 9th Jul 2017, 22:43
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Originally Posted by rans6andrew View Post
The environmental health noise evaluation chap says "it is not loud enough to constitue a statuary niusance",.
I've seen some ugly looking statuary, but at least it has all been silent.
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Old 9th Jul 2017, 23:07
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When I worked in a hospital for mentally disabled adults many years ago the nurses called one day of the week "Wanking Wednesday" I don't know why but I don't think is applied to staff.
A friend of mine broke his back in a car accident and was laid up in hospital. He was unable to perform this vital function by himself, fortunately his needs were taken care of by a nurse wearing a plastic apron. According to him a small rubber hammer was used and it did the job.

Providing relief on a weekly basis is essential and avoids assaults on staff by sex crazed patients who can't control themselves.

I remember reading that single Japanese policemen were ordered to do it once a week to avoid problems at work.
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Old 10th Jul 2017, 05:46
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Originally Posted by rans6andrew View Post
about the damn barking dog, it was barking when I had my breakfast more than 12 hours ago. It is still out there croaking. Same as every day. It gets progresivly more urgent/desparate for the first few hours, every day, and then it starts to get hoarse. It still doesn't stop though. The environmental health noise evaluation chap says "it is not loud enough to constitue a statuary niusance", but he would wouldn't he, he was a limp lettuce if ever I met one and he lives 20 miles away. I wonder why the folk who live closer don't complain, they have all told me it is a pain in the rump.

Rans6......
The words of Lord Rosebery regarding tramways come to mind here given it's not permitted to defend those who are ridiculed for suffering impairments, so I think the dog, who gets my wholehearted support, is a form of Karma.
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Old 10th Jul 2017, 10:07
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I looked into joining the Samaritans some years ago. Started their trg and they talked about the high numbers of 'TMs' per week. These were Telephone Masturbators.
Blokes who could not afford the commercial lines so called up hoping for a female. It was literally dozens a week.
I think I would have fallen off my chair laughing if I had seen this in a pub. Hey, breast feeding is natural and allowed in public places so.........
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