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Things I Have Never Understood

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Things I Have Never Understood

Old 19th Aug 2015, 22:21
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Things I Have Never Understood


I am still single and that might explain it but why o' why do so many couples and their families invest so much money in a super expensive dress that will be worn only once. Add to that $$$$s and more $$$$s for a slick venue, flowers, a couple of hundred guests, a couple of hundred meals, drinks, flowers, place settings, musicians, posh cars, bridesmaids dresses and a lavish honeymoon.

The honeymoon I can sorta get but most of the rest could go instead to - oh I don't know - a house down payment? Want memories from a special moment? - civil ceremony and take lots of pics. Rice is cheap.

I'm sure there are many more things I don't get.
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Old 19th Aug 2015, 23:19
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My daughter was a bit of a tomboy - at school she joined the boy scouts and went on camps with them - including overseas - she was the only girl in the troop.
She had several boyfriends, and lived with a couple.
Her activities involved looking after horses (the college's racehorse - she took a degree in equine management). After uni she worked as the only vet nurse in a university teaching hospital large animal (horses) facility.
Her boyfriend worked at the hospital as the stockman, and she shared a house with him (it was her accommodation but he moved in with her to save a daily commute of 30 miles each way).
Seven years into the relationship she expressed her intention of getting married.

I expected a low level affair, perhaps a simple registry office event in normal clothing - but no! She wanted the fairy tail 'princess wedding' in a traditional wedding dress with bridesmaids and pageboys and the men in penguin suits and top hats - with a minister at a castle (with a piper, of course).

It worked out well, and the extended familes were invited (including friends from overseas), and I don't begrudge her her 'day in court' (it was the second best event in my life - the first being seeing her being born) - but I was surprised.
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Old 19th Aug 2015, 23:22
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Tradition. In the "old days" the Brides family paid a Dowry to the Groom [s family] Hence the term "Marrying into money"
Groom has a "Title.... Lord Blogs" but no dosh
Mr Smith has umpteen quid... marries ugly Miss Smith to Lord Blogs
Lord Blogs is now solvent, and Mr Smith is with the "Gentry"
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Old 19th Aug 2015, 23:28
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If local impurities / additives cause worry or unwanted taste, then a filter is cheap enough to use.

As to weddings ( as one sort-of 'in the business' from time to time ) yes, I deplore the enooooormous splashing of money about. But for some, there is merit in the argument that if it's free you don't value it. Not saying this is right, just that it is fact.

Discovered this when we offered free holidays to kids in the inner city. Made 'em pay (even tho' we subsidised to the hilt) and they arrived every day. On time, too. Offer it free, and some just didn't turn up, even tho' they had signed up.
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Old 19th Aug 2015, 23:29
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I've been married three times. Would recommend it to anyone.
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Old 20th Aug 2015, 00:23
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Looking back, there are a lot of things I've never understood. Why one should be conventional was one of them. The results have been rather less than satisfactory, and when I hear that $%^$%@ song, My Way, I lose the last vestiges of pragmatism and calm. But there, perhaps one should have spent more than five pounds on the wedding.

It cost almost nothing, and we had the reception in my garden. Next morning I heard the rellies opening the front gate and leaped out of bed. Wife laughed, and reminded me we were married.

25 years later - the Silver thingie.

Daughter, now early middle-aged and with kids, decided she wanted a fine wedding. One gave her away, but was not always quite on the ball.

Look, your dad's fallen over again!

And he said he'd give a sensible speech.

The Rivetess is pleased I can remember how many grandchildren we've got.

We've spent the day on the beach with the youngest grand kids and I've just got back after a trip to the fairground where I managed to get an owie on the dodgem cars. Better shelve that idea of a super-bike.

Dropped her off at her house and retreated to my borrowed home. Living a mile apart for a year has lessened the arguments. If she doesn't agree with me, I go home. Strange life.

Last edited by Loose rivets; 20th Aug 2015 at 00:38.
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Old 20th Aug 2015, 01:04
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Lots o kids weddings this year (three) and two more next year. Luckily all boys, if they want it they can pay for it.

One church and small gathering followed by forty friends and rellies at a vineyard, outstanding.

One, Church wedding followed by about a hundred church and local friends and rellies in the garden of a friend's house. Also excellent.

One to go. Destination wedding in Dominican Republic. About thirty friends and rellies at an all inclusive. Everybody pays for their own holiday. Add about $2K for wedding extras.

Daughter did the same about four years ago, worked well.

Our 40th last weekend. Damn, seems like yesterday.
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Old 20th Aug 2015, 03:34
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After being with her now husband for a number of years, much to everyone's surprise D1 announced they were to marry. Needless to say, Mrs. H and her opposite number (Jewish mother of 1st son) were both eager that the biggest & best celebration should be held. However, D1 & SIL decreed that they were not having a big wedding, that there would be no fleets of limousines and only immediate family would be at the ceremony, with friends & family (max 30 guests) at a luncheon the next day (and don't tell the restaurant it's for a wedding, they'll charge double).

Daughter wore a very nice black floral dress, and we all - bride & groom, both sets of parents and grandparents - arrived at the Registry Office in a hired mini-bus.

Because of the savings in cost, we were able to give them more help with the purchase of their first house, and both mothers agree, with hindsight, that it was a most successful wedding.
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Old 20th Aug 2015, 07:32
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Wife bought a 'display model' wedding dress for 50% off. It fit her off the rack, so no further mods necessary. After the wedding she sold it for what she paid for to a friend of a friend.

Father-in-law paid for the rest (although he would only spring for champaign on the head table).

Wife got exactly what she wanted so she was happy!
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Old 20th Aug 2015, 07:40
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If you think weddings can be expensive, have a look at another emotive event, one that features in all our lives at some point...

Avoid the funeral sting: how to die for less than £1,000 | Money | The Guardian

As in life, people like to flaunt their wealth at such an event....but it's the "add on " fees that are surely a rip off. The same as "admin.fees" that insurance companies, amongst others. like to charge for about 1 mins work producing a template copy, and the emotional "blackmail" by undertakers to sell the event. Amazing how many of then know a "decent venue" for the wake being one such example.

A bit like care home owners in many respects. You don't see many impoverished undertakers with a clapped out Fiesta as a personal car.
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Old 20th Aug 2015, 08:13
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As meadowrun noted in his OP, it's an industry (a bit like organised religion).

A young couple I know recently decided that they'd 'formalise' their relationship.
I had to advise caution on that score because all that money would be better put toward their house/flat.

I also offered to marry them myself - Y'see, I'm an ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster - otherwise known as Pastafarians.
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Old 20th Aug 2015, 08:25
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I paid for all their weddings, they can bloody well chip in together to pay for my funeral!

Just married off our youngest. 97 guests for dinner, for which as Father of the Bride I paid. They paid for the rest themselves - off the shelf wedding dress; hire of venue; two London buses to carry guests across London for the reception; Chinese Lion Dance troup to kick off the proceedings. They already own a fully equipped flat in NW London so no wedding present list, cash gratefully received to go towards the honeymoon.

It was lots of fun and cheap at half the price. I don't begrudge a penny.
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Old 20th Aug 2015, 08:29
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As mentioned, despite equality, sometimes more than equal, there is still the conditioned mindset of the fairytale princess wedding her heroic suitor amongst the fairer sex, even (as pointed out earlier) if they have been living together as man and wife with kids for years……It makes no sense to me, but it does to many others, so there you go. I have witnessed young ladies making extravagant plans with eye watering costs for a good year before the event, the event itself, the post event time etc, only to go into a slump afterwards, as the reality of actually being married dawns upon them and within two years splitsville. For me a simple, harmonious wedding with those close to you is preferable and save the money for annoying things like a home to live in etc etc.

I'm of the mind that many want to get married, but are less keen on being married and (climbing up to his sermon pulpit) the ever increasingly narcissistic societies we live in promote self-interest rather than engender togetherness. Marriage is all about togetherness and compromise, especially once mini-me's are involved. I wonder sometimes what our forefathers of a century ago would make of our lives today, by that I mean how we conduct ourselves, rather than the technological aspects ?

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Old 20th Aug 2015, 08:44
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When No. 1 Daughter got married first time she called us after the fact to inform. We were not so lucky second time around although it was a minor affair.
Number 2 Daughter however..................
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Old 20th Aug 2015, 08:45
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Originally Posted by SpringHeeledJack View Post
I have witnessed young ladies making extravagant plans with eye watering costs for a good year before the event, the event itself, the post event time etc, only to go into a slump afterwards, as the reality of actually being married dawns upon them and within two years splitsville.
I think it was Bernard Shaw who summed it up:
It's love that makes the world go round -
And marriage that makes it go flat.

if not him, then it should have been.
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Old 20th Aug 2015, 08:46
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One Saturday about 20 years ago I was cycling through Battersea Park and spotted two huge marquees. The nearest one had smartly dressed men either side of the door and there were huge tables laden with a huge array of food and drink. Inside the was a big party, and lots of mostly Indian people, perhaps thousands in all.

I approached and asked one of the doormen what was occurring, and was told it was a wedding party, and that part of the park had been hired for the weekend. All passers-by were being offered a free plate of food and a drink, so a large plate of superb samosas and bhajis and a big glass of fine champagne was most gratefully received!

I raised my glass to those inside, and thought what a lovely idea to extend the hospitality to others in the park, but could not help wondering how much this event must have cost!
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Old 20th Aug 2015, 08:50
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no-one knows how long it will last, but at least you've got the event?
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Old 20th Aug 2015, 08:54
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no-one knows how long it will last
Tut, tut, probes - "Until death us do part" of course
Or whoever gets the knife in first
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Old 20th Aug 2015, 09:10
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I am my wife's 3rd husband. (True). Her first died of mushroom poisoning. Her 2nd of head injuries. He wouldn't eat his mushrooms. I never eat mushroom soup.......
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Old 20th Aug 2015, 09:37
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My only son got married the same weekend as the 50th anniversary of the 16th Entry Boy Entrants Reunion.

SWMBO insisted that I attend the wedding
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