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What could you buy?

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What could you buy?

Old 7th Sep 2014, 07:47
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What could you buy?

OK so you are at your local store, which three things do you think might raise a few eyebrows at the checkout?

An axe, duct tape and tarpaulin
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Old 7th Sep 2014, 08:09
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A melon and a box of tissues ?

I don't think you would need a third ...
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Old 7th Sep 2014, 08:13
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two cases of condoms and a case of ky jelly.
helps to have a silly grin on your face.
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Old 7th Sep 2014, 08:16
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I find that embalming fluid, applied to my forehead to take out the wrinkles, usually raises my eyebrows. But Tescos in Islington doesn't stock it.
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Old 7th Sep 2014, 08:18
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I got a lot of space to myself yesterday when I went down to the local supermarket. As I left the house I picked up a big bag of empty bottles to drop in the bottle bank on the way down and as I put it over my shoulder the dregs of old wine and beer from the bottoms of the bottles spilt all down my shirt and shorts. I couldn't be arsed to go back and change, so I must have looked and smelt like an old alky who'd pissed himself! A few eyebrows were raised and no doubt comments made!
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Old 7th Sep 2014, 09:00
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Kango hammer drill, large tub of vaseline, garden gnome...
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Old 7th Sep 2014, 09:38
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Years ago I had a summer job in the village shop. One day, a man came in and bought a bottle of tomato ketchup and a porn mag.
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Old 7th Sep 2014, 10:18
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Buy a packet of cable ties, and ask in a loud voice, "Are these strong enough to tie someone up with??"

(of course, you could always put the BDSM mags on the counter at the same time)
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Old 7th Sep 2014, 10:24
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18 bottles of hydrogen peroxide and 3 large bags of plant food.
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Old 7th Sep 2014, 11:02
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To which the shop assistant might say, "Will you be needing a bong, Mr Draper?"
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Old 7th Sep 2014, 11:09
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When buying a cucumber for a non-edible purpose, it's best to also buy some tomatoes and lettuce to mask one's intentions.
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Old 7th Sep 2014, 11:37
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When our oldest child was still a baby I had to nip into Boots the chemist for come cotton wool which comes in large packs and some nappy cream. Whilst there I picked up a ball of string for the kitchen and waited in the queue. When I got to the counter I placed my purchases on the counter and the young lady scanned them through.

She asked if I had got everything I was looking for, and I noticed that my shopping list also had sanitary towels for my wife which I had forgotten. I replied that I'd forgotten the sanitary towels, but I couldn't be bothered to go back and get them so my wife will just have to roll her own......

The rest of the transaction was carried out in silence.
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Old 7th Sep 2014, 12:32
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This one from 2004 often comes to mind when I'm going through a checkout in a long queue of young mothers (Thanks BDiONU ):

I used to do this a few years ago anytime there was a party at my house.

What you do is fill the trolley with beer, wine, spirits, mixers and then put a packet of nappies and a jar of babyfood on top of the pile in the trolley. Proceed directly to the checkouts and look for one manned by a more mature lady (likely to be a working mum). Let her scan everything through and when she gives you the bill total - pretend you don't have enough cash for everything. Then return the nappies and babyfood, pay her and leave.

The looks from the checkout lady & others in the store have to be seen to be believed.
http://www.pprune.org/jet-blast/1248...do-tescos.html
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Old 7th Sep 2014, 13:51
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Axes, duct tape and tarpaulins are all on special offer this week here - very useful for prepping your yard for winter.

Stuff you can't buy:
Anything right now - Sunday morning (and it's only 4 years since that was all day Sunday)
Anything naughty (there's only 1 sex shop,just opened, and the city council have immediately denied it a renewal permit, so it will be shut in 3 months)
A copy of the Koran (no demand)
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Old 7th Sep 2014, 14:08
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Fox- you want to move to rural Ontario.....


Still not sure where you'd get a Koran on a Sunday - never seen a bookshop open on a Sunday there.....
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Old 7th Sep 2014, 14:11
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Join Date: Apr 1998
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I picked up a tree branch lopper from the super-hyper-mega hardware store in our local constellation. Just happened to be wearing a long duffel coat so it was only apt I approach the check out as the grim reaper - everyone died laughing.
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Old 7th Sep 2014, 14:30
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A good PPRuNe friend was posted to Kenya for several years when I was in South Africa. Part-way through his posting, he asked me to buy a few things for him and send them up. Chief amongst them was a gross (that is 144 in metric) of condoms (umm – his first wife was a bit feisty).

So up to the local pharmacy in Pretoria, and I loaded up 12 dozen packs of condoms in my arms and headed for the cashier. I got there at the same time as a senior black gentleman.

He looked at my load and me, and with a smile and in a deep voice said “After you, Boss”.

For that sort of respect, I’d buy three loads of 48 condoms.
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Old 7th Sep 2014, 14:49
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Forgive the thread drift, but back in '88 one of our Sqn JEngOs ordered, for a laugh, all the condoms that Sqns deploying overseas were supposed to have. It appeared that no one had done so since NEAF days, nor had the scale changed. As we were off for 5 weeks, it came to something north of 20,000, and filled a lot of very large boxes. We were sorted for 'party balloons' for the next 3 years!
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Old 7th Sep 2014, 17:00
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I approach the check out as the grim reaper - everyone died laughing.
Lots of trade then .....
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Old 7th Sep 2014, 22:46
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Join Date: Oct 2009
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A few years ago, as part of some training we were running, I had to do a session on PPE. To lighten the mood, I planned to hand out condoms to each of the participants, so asked one of the other trainers who was going into town to buy a couple of dozen, and keep the receipt so I could claim them on petty cash.
He did as asked, but talked the salesgirl into making out the receipt for "Condoms, various colours, with ticklers".
I'm not sure what it did for my reputation with the girls in the accounts department.
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