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Another female wittering on

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Another female wittering on

Old 3rd Feb 2014, 19:19
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Another female wittering on

Can't understand your man? That's because he's speaking 'Menglish' - here's how you can be fluent too | Mail Online


sheesh.....

1. Don't expect your man to multitask.

translated - don't whine about the wipers on the car leaving the windscreen smeary whilst the poor guy is halfway up the roof fixing the leak in the middle of storm 10 conditions

2. Remember the 30 second rule.
If you ask a man for his opinion or how he feels he is likely to take his time to answer. Women are mostly run by their feelings ......

translated - (a) he's trying to remember your name or (b) trying to remember why he thought you looked so good last night (c) trying to remember where he left the car

3. Men are problem solvers.

It can be frustrating when you tell your man about your bad day ....

translated : he's hoping you haven't wrecked the car again

4. Men have limited capacity for detail.
Women see details.......

translated : men don't give a cuss what colour it is - there are only 4 colours
yellow, green, red, blue.

5. Donít expect your man to magically know what you need.

translated : sheesh he's bought you a washer, dryer, ironing board, iron what else do you need?

6. Men thrive on appreciation.

translated : once in a while we would appreciate it if you shut up for 5 minutes

7. Men are providers.

Translated : dear gawd we do, we provide and provide and provide and provide and then just to spite you we drop dead from overwork

8. Men need you to be receptive.
translated: sex

9. Men want to make you happy.
translated: Especially if it keeps you quiet for 5 minutes when the footies on telly

10. Confidence, the number one quality a man looks for in his ideal woman

Your man feels genuinely sad when he sees you beating yourself up or saying how fat your stomach is, how frizzy or flat your hair is, or how you wish you were slimmer, fitter, younger or more attractive.

Translated : we wish you were slimmer, fitter, younger or more attractive.
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Old 3rd Feb 2014, 19:39
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Another thing about women wittering on.

Both my brothers-in-law and a couple of friends have commented on this, so it must be fairly widespread.

Our women folk have the utterly infuriating habit of talking to us from the other side of the house, down the corridor, or when we're brushing our teeth, showering, shaving. or doing something else which is likely to make it difficult for us to hear.

Maybe it's just a clever tactic so that they can say : "But I told you, and you've forgotten/weren't listening ......"

I have told Mrs. CPT that if she can't see my face while she's talking to me, I can't hear her. I have been telling her this for years. It's like pissing into the wind.
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Old 3rd Feb 2014, 20:12
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If anyone ever tells you that men can't multi-task, point them at Concorde's flight engineer panel.
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Old 3rd Feb 2014, 20:17
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Originally Posted by G&T ice n slice View Post
sheesh.....
I wonder if the Mail will print or publish the root cause.

In the spirit of this thread and the linked article, an old adage:

The reason that the Good Lord provided women with two sets of lips is so that they could piss and moan at the same time.
@ Capetonian:

My missus has the same habit, and I offer the same advice. If you don't have my attention already, anything you say won't get past the hearing loss from jet noise. Make sure you have my attention before you say something to me.

As you said, I get wet when I piss into the wind.
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Old 3rd Feb 2014, 20:28
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Yup, another vote for the lunacy of a woman talking in her normal voice even though she is several rooms away from you and you quite likely have another noise closer to you blocking her out!! Mrs SN is very good at doing this and also very good at not taking any notice when it is pointed out.
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Old 3rd Feb 2014, 20:59
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bah! the first vote for the lunacy of a man claiming not to hear me because I speak too quietly (or fast or something, whatever) and then hearing - from the next room - what I say to the dog. That has nothing to do with him whatsoever.
AND he is stupid enough to comment on what I had told the dog.
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Old 3rd Feb 2014, 21:09
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My former dear boss used to tell about males (after a long marriage) developed a selective hearing capability thus limiting what they (can or want to) hear from their wives.

Rwy in Sight
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Old 3rd Feb 2014, 21:11
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1. Don't expect your man to multitask.
He doesn't need to; men prioritise...

Old, I know, but IMHO, still good.
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Old 3rd Feb 2014, 21:12
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Wait 30 seonds for a reply ! Women are incapable of staying silent for 30 seconds !

Mine is claiming I havent listened to her this evening. Probably because I have been wearing headphones so that she can watch the television.
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Old 3rd Feb 2014, 21:20
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Both my brothers-in-law and a couple of friends have commented on this, so it must be fairly widespread.

Our women folk have the utterly infuriating habit of talking to us from the other side of the house, down the corridor, or when we're brushing our teeth, showering, shaving. or doing something else which is likely to make it difficult for us to hear.

Maybe it's just a clever tactic so that they can say : "But I told you, and you've forgotten/weren't listening ......"

I have told Mrs. CPT that if she can't see my face while she's talking to me, I can't hear her. I have been telling her this for years. It's like pissing into the wind.
My wife has the habit of trying to speak to me as a 737 flies directly over at 1,100 ft on approach to the local airport.

Could it be our wives are related?
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Old 3rd Feb 2014, 21:27
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Mrs VJ is convinced I suffer from hearing loss, especially when she tells me something while she is using the bullet mixer.
On the other hand she actually doesn't need a telephone when she's talking to daughter who is two continents away in the middle of the most important part of a TV program.
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Old 3rd Feb 2014, 21:37
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As has been pointed out, if my (our) attention is switched 'ON' then I can hear, but extraneous noises/distractions/whatever blunt my hearing. I also find the fashion to speak quickly and to swallow words, greatly practised by younger American actors, to negatively impair one's hearing thingamijigs. The ladeez just love emoting, and there's not a thing we can do about it What did some wise person say ? Less is more

Multitasking is, in most cases a fallacy and when the fairer sex trumpet that they can wonderfully operate on 3 levels simultaneously whilst watching TV and phoning, then I must with respect disagree. One thing at a time, then the next and so on will bring good results, even if a rotation between the tasks is necessary. A very capable friend once opined "multi tasking is the practice of doing several things badly at once" and over the years I would wholeheartedly agree.



SHJ
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Old 3rd Feb 2014, 21:41
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Jack Dee nailed it on QI:

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Old 3rd Feb 2014, 21:43
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My missus has a 'thing' about tv adverts being too loud. During breaks, she turns the volume down on the remote, then when the programme resumes, moans that she can't hear it. I regret teaching her how to use the remote now.
She also likes sitting in the kitchen listening to the radio during the day. Problem is, the kitchen has no fixed heating and unless the cooker is on, it's cold this time of year, but she'd rather sit there and moan about the cold than move a few feet to the dining room which has a huge radiator.
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Old 3rd Feb 2014, 21:46
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Multitasking is, in most cases a fallacy and when the fairer sex trumpet that they can wonderfully operate on 3 levels simultaneously whilst watching TV and phoning, then I must with respect disagree. One thing at a time, then the next and so on will bring good results, even if a rotation between the tasks is necessary. A very capable friend once opined "multi tasking is the practice of doing several things badly at once" and over the years I would wholeheartedly agree.
Perzactly. How do you think the saying "A woman's work is never done." originated?

My wife is another who insists on talking when she knows that I can't hear her because I'm in another room/the (noisy) kettle is on/I am doing something that requires concentration.
She also watches the commercials in silence, but insists on talking when the news is on. She will also ask a question about something on TV, at exactly the time her question is being answered, so that neither of us will hear the answer.
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Old 3rd Feb 2014, 22:01
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My wife is another who insists on talking when she knows that I can't hear her because I'm in another room/the (noisy) kettle is on/I am doing something that requires concentration.
She also watches the commercials in silence, but insists on talking when the news is on. She will also ask a question about something on TV, at exactly the time her question is being answered, so that neither of us will hear the answer.
I didn't know mine had a twin.
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Old 3rd Feb 2014, 22:08
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My wife is another who insists on talking when she knows that I can't hear her because I'm in another room/the (noisy) kettle is on/I am doing something that requires concentration.
She also watches the commercials in silence, but insists on talking when the news is on. She will also ask a question about something on TV, at exactly the time her question is being answered, so that neither of us will hear the answer.
And I've been think all along that I must be the only one on the planet with this particular challenge

Thank you all. I feel better now. I am not alone.
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Old 3rd Feb 2014, 23:01
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The ex had an annoying habit of talking incessantly in the car, especially when I was driving in heavy traffic in unfamiliar locations. On one occasion, when entering a particularly busy roundabout, I even,without any conscious thought, tried tried turning the radio's volume control down, as some part of my brain decided it would shut her up and let me concentrate.
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Old 3rd Feb 2014, 23:07
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On the happy though that this
I even,without any conscious thought, tried tried turning the radio's volume control down, as some part of my brain decided it would shut her up and let me concentrate.
might one day be possible, I shall retire!
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Old 3rd Feb 2014, 23:25
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Then there's that cartoon of the Caveman, dragging his wife along the ground by her hair, and saying to his mates " I've just taught her to talk, do you think that's a mistake ? "
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