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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 20th Oct 2019, 10:26
  #13101 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
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Old 20th Oct 2019, 11:02
  #13102 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: One Three Seven, Disco Heaven.
Age: 60
Posts: 1,332
The hand drier in the photo is in the lavvy at extinction rebellion, and no longer working.
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Old 20th Oct 2019, 13:49
  #13103 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: west aust'
Age: 56
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Originally Posted by Private jet View Post
I can't decide if she needs to see a gynaecologist, a psychiatrist or an exorcist........



my ears pricked .
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Old 20th Oct 2019, 15:07
  #13104 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Too close to Croydon for comfort
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Originally Posted by laardvark View Post
my ears pricked .
Did you have an organism?
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Old 21st Oct 2019, 08:12
  #13105 (permalink)  
Paid...Persona Grata
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Between BHX and EMA
Age: 73
Posts: 236
I bet it's a Monologue.
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Old 22nd Oct 2019, 01:56
  #13106 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Northern Victoria
Age: 76
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I hope it doesn't have an echo !
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Old 22nd Oct 2019, 02:45
  #13107 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Great South East, tired and retired
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Once a month, it clears its throat
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Old 22nd Oct 2019, 10:59
  #13108 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: One Three Seven, Disco Heaven.
Age: 60
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Walk on your hands, and stop shaving then.
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Old 22nd Oct 2019, 11:02
  #13109 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Budapest
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Originally Posted by Ascend Charlie View Post
Once a month, it clears its throat
Gives a whole new meaning to lip syncing.
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Old 22nd Oct 2019, 11:45
  #13110 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: At work (Often)
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Originally Posted by Expatrick View Post
Gives a whole new meaning to lip syncing.
And a tad better than lip sticking
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Old 23rd Oct 2019, 01:36
  #13111 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Great South East, tired and retired
Posts: 2,480
She gets together with her friend lickety split
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Old 23rd Oct 2019, 08:16
  #13112 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Great South East, tired and retired
Posts: 2,480
The old Colonel was going to a formal Mess Dinner, and knew that he would be asked to tell a joke - but he couldn't think of one. He asked his batman if he knew anything.

"Well, sir, try this little rhyme:
There was a young man called Skinner,
Who took a young lady to dinner.
They started to dine
At quarter to nine
And by twenty past ten he was in her - not Skinner, the dinner - Skinner was in'er before dinner!"

"Ah, yes, that will be great!" chuckles the Colonel, " Skinner .. dinner .. very good!"

Off he goes to the dinner, and of course there is a sherry or two before the meal, then lots of wine during the meal, then the loyal toast, and by the time the Colonel has to tell his story, he is three-quarters cut. He stands, somewhat unsteadily, and says:
"Let me tell you a story:
There was a young man called ..... errr........Tupper.. yes, Tupper,
Who took a young lady to .... supper,
They started to dine
At quarter to nine
And by twenty past ten he was up her! Err.. not Tupper... it was some cnut called Skinner, I think..."
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Old 23rd Oct 2019, 08:28
  #13113 (permalink)  
 
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Location: The first town on the Thames
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Old 23rd Oct 2019, 13:58
  #13114 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: northern ireland
Posts: 27
sounds like good news to me !
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Old 23rd Oct 2019, 22:54
  #13115 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Station 42
Age: 64
Posts: 837
Bloody hell, gary - I literally sprayed my keyboard with San Miguel!
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Old 23rd Oct 2019, 23:47
  #13116 (permalink)  
Gnome de PPRuNe
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Too close to Croydon for comfort
Age: 55
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Originally Posted by stevef View Post
Bloody hell, gary - I literally sprayed my keyboard with San Miguel!
well you are easily pleased but not good reproduction material...
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Old 24th Oct 2019, 00:08
  #13117 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: EU
Posts: 368
Originally Posted by treadigraph View Post
well you are easily pleased but not good reproduction material...
good to see a woman enjoying the ribald humor.
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Old 24th Oct 2019, 01:03
  #13118 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Too close to Croydon for comfort
Age: 55
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Good to see you understand a male perspective on feminist ribaldry.
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Old 24th Oct 2019, 08:57
  #13119 (permalink)  
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Lincolnshire
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Originally Posted by Torquetalk View Post
good to see a woman enjoying the ribald humor.
Mrs PN laughed too.
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Old 24th Oct 2019, 16:20
  #13120 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: France
Age: 64
Posts: 37
Two women were playing golf. One teed off then watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and rolled around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please! Please! allow me to help. I'm a Massage Therapist and I know I can relieve your pain for you if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied, but was obviously still in agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his trousers and put her hands inside.
She administered gentle and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
He replied: 'It feels great, but I think my thumb's still broken.....'


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