Friday Jokes
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Great South East, tired and retired
Posts: 2,480
The old Colonel was going to a formal Mess Dinner, and knew that he would be asked to tell a joke - but he couldn't think of one. He asked his batman if he knew anything.
"Well, sir, try this little rhyme:
There was a young man called Skinner,
Who took a young lady to dinner.
They started to dine
At quarter to nine
And by twenty past ten he was in her - not Skinner, the dinner - Skinner was in'er before dinner!"
"Ah, yes, that will be great!" chuckles the Colonel, " Skinner .. dinner .. very good!"
Off he goes to the dinner, and of course there is a sherry or two before the meal, then lots of wine during the meal, then the loyal toast, and by the time the Colonel has to tell his story, he is three-quarters cut. He stands, somewhat unsteadily, and says:
"Let me tell you a story:
There was a young man called ..... errr........Tupper.. yes, Tupper,
Who took a young lady to .... supper,
They started to dine
At quarter to nine
And by twenty past ten he was up her! Err.. not Tupper... it was some cnut called Skinner, I think..."
"Well, sir, try this little rhyme:
There was a young man called Skinner,
Who took a young lady to dinner.
They started to dine
At quarter to nine
And by twenty past ten he was in her - not Skinner, the dinner - Skinner was in'er before dinner!"
"Ah, yes, that will be great!" chuckles the Colonel, " Skinner .. dinner .. very good!"
Off he goes to the dinner, and of course there is a sherry or two before the meal, then lots of wine during the meal, then the loyal toast, and by the time the Colonel has to tell his story, he is three-quarters cut. He stands, somewhat unsteadily, and says:
"Let me tell you a story:
There was a young man called ..... errr........Tupper.. yes, Tupper,
Who took a young lady to .... supper,
They started to dine
At quarter to nine
And by twenty past ten he was up her! Err.. not Tupper... it was some cnut called Skinner, I think..."
Gnome de PPRuNe
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Too close to Croydon for comfort
Age: 55
Posts: 5,912
Originally Posted by stevef
Bloody hell, gary - I literally sprayed my keyboard with San Miguel! 
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: France
Age: 64
Posts: 37
Two women were playing golf. One teed off then watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and rolled around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please! Please! allow me to help. I'm a Massage Therapist and I know I can relieve your pain for you if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied, but was obviously still in agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his trousers and put her hands inside.
She administered gentle and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
He replied: 'It feels great, but I think my thumb's still broken.....'
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and rolled around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please! Please! allow me to help. I'm a Massage Therapist and I know I can relieve your pain for you if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied, but was obviously still in agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his trousers and put her hands inside.
She administered gentle and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
He replied: 'It feels great, but I think my thumb's still broken.....'
