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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 22nd Sep 2019, 21:07
  #13061 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Hanging off the end of a thread
Posts: 16,201
The Royal Mint to recall the 2020 January special edition of the 50P coin over a spelling error.

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Old 23rd Sep 2019, 09:27
  #13062 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 166
Nervous SLF is offline  
Old 23rd Sep 2019, 12:36
  #13063 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Do I come here often?
Posts: 886
Probably get me banned, but what the hell.......................................



SND
Sir Niall Dementia is offline  
Old 25th Sep 2019, 20:45
  #13064 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Under the flight path
Posts: 2,152
There is a fly hovering over the river.
A fish looks up and thinks - if that fly drops 6" I will jump for it and get myself a bite to eat.

A Bear sitting on the bank sees the fish watching the fly, and thinks if that fly drops 6", the fish will jump, I'll catch the fish for my evening meal.

Behind the bear is a hunter eating his sandwich who sees the bear watching the fish watching the fly, and thinks if that fly drops 6", the fish will jump, the bear will catch the fish, and I can shoot the bear - should taste better than this sandwich.

Further back is a mouse who sees the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly, and thinks if that fly drops 6" the fish will jump, the bear will catch the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear and drop his sandwich, which will give me a good feast.

Up on a bough is a cat, watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thinks if that fly drops 6", the fish will jump and catch it, the bear will catch the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear and drop his sandwich, the mouse will get the sandwich and I can drop on top of the mouse and eat it.

Suddenly, it all happens. The fly drops 6", the fish jumps and catches it, the bear catches the fish, the hunter shoots the bear and drops his sandwich, the mouse goes for the sandwich and the cat pounces - but falls in the river.

Which just goes to show that every time a fly drops 6", a pussy gets wet.
LGS6753 is offline  
Old 26th Sep 2019, 11:43
  #13065 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: England
Posts: 172
I've a new favourite word:
Drool - it just rolls off the tongue.
keyboard flier is offline  
Old 26th Sep 2019, 11:55
  #13066 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Southwater
Age: 69
Posts: 519
It was a freezing cold night. The sparrow, sitting on his perch on a twig of a tree in a farmyard was frozen, the ground being hard had resulted in him not eating for two days. He felt his little life ebbing away. He closed his eyes, he drifted away and fell off his perch.........into a freshly dropped cow pat. The warmth revived him and as as he became aware of his position he thought, "I'm warm but in 5h1t".
Just then one of the manky farmyard cats upon seeing him struggling in the 5h1t gently plucked him out, rolled him around to rid him of the 5h1t.......and ate him.
Which proves that just because you're in the 5H1t you're not necessarily in that much trouble and who gets you out of the 5h1t is not necessarily your saviour.

I'll get me coat....................................
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Old 26th Sep 2019, 13:11
  #13067 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Do I come here often?
Posts: 886

Sir Niall Dementia is offline  
Old 27th Sep 2019, 10:57
  #13068 (permalink)  
Gnome de PPRuNe
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Too close to Croydon for comfort
Age: 55
Posts: 5,929

treadigraph is offline  
Old 27th Sep 2019, 22:14
  #13069 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807

Day 437 and still no bloody tomatoes!
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Old 28th Sep 2019, 01:04
  #13070 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807

Little-known facts from the past
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Old 28th Sep 2019, 10:02
  #13071 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 166
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Old 28th Sep 2019, 18:23
  #13072 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Delta of Venus
Posts: 401
The Waitrose experience.....



Private jet is offline  
Old 28th Sep 2019, 18:28
  #13073 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Delta of Venus
Posts: 401
The University experience....



Private jet is offline  
Old 28th Sep 2019, 18:34
  #13074 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Delta of Venus
Posts: 401
and they said the end of the Earth didn't exist...



Last edited by Private jet; 28th Sep 2019 at 18:46.
Private jet is offline  
Old 28th Sep 2019, 19:17
  #13075 (permalink)  
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Lincolnshire
Age: 76
Posts: 16,613
Originally Posted by Private jet View Post
and they said the end of the Earth didn't exist...


at least they have helpfully provided directions to three better places😀
Pontius Navigator is offline  
Old 1st Oct 2019, 08:52
  #13076 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 166
Nervous SLF is offline  
Old 2nd Oct 2019, 22:21
  #13077 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Coasting South
Age: 65
Posts: 53
I see Exit signs are on the way out.
hiflymk3 is offline  
Old 3rd Oct 2019, 14:14
  #13078 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: All over the Planet
Posts: 761
It's a 5 minute walk from my home to the pub but a 35 minute walk back.

The difference is staggering.

Ken Borough is offline  
Old 3rd Oct 2019, 18:14
  #13079 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Currently within the EU
Posts: 325

From The Times today.

That's so unfriendly! Why on earth would they do that?
Sallyann1234 is offline  
Old 3rd Oct 2019, 18:23
  #13080 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Hoofddorp The Netherlands
Posts: 11
Nuts roasting by an open fire,:-))))
spitfirek5054 is offline  

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