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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 26th Sep 2019, 12:11
  #13061 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Do I come here often?
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Sir Niall Dementia is offline  
Old 27th Sep 2019, 09:57
  #13062 (permalink)  
Gnome de PPRuNe
 
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Location: Too close to Croydon for comfort
Age: 56
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Old 27th Sep 2019, 21:14
  #13063 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811

Day 437 and still no bloody tomatoes!
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Old 28th Sep 2019, 00:04
  #13064 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811

Little-known facts from the past
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Old 28th Sep 2019, 09:02
  #13065 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 172
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Old 28th Sep 2019, 17:23
  #13066 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Delta of Venus
Posts: 448
The Waitrose experience.....



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Old 28th Sep 2019, 17:28
  #13067 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Delta of Venus
Posts: 448
The University experience....



Private jet is offline  
Old 28th Sep 2019, 17:34
  #13068 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Delta of Venus
Posts: 448
and they said the end of the Earth didn't exist...



Last edited by Private jet; 28th Sep 2019 at 17:46.
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Old 28th Sep 2019, 18:17
  #13069 (permalink)  
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Lincolnshire
Age: 77
Posts: 16,725
Originally Posted by Private jet View Post
and they said the end of the Earth didn't exist...


at least they have helpfully provided directions to three better places😀
Pontius Navigator is offline  
Old 1st Oct 2019, 07:52
  #13070 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 172
Nervous SLF is offline  
Old 2nd Oct 2019, 21:21
  #13071 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Coasting South
Age: 66
Posts: 62
I see Exit signs are on the way out.
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Old 3rd Oct 2019, 13:14
  #13072 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: All over the Planet
Posts: 789
It's a 5 minute walk from my home to the pub but a 35 minute walk back.

The difference is staggering.

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Old 3rd Oct 2019, 17:14
  #13073 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: England
Posts: 355

From The Times today.

That's so unfriendly! Why on earth would they do that?
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Old 3rd Oct 2019, 17:23
  #13074 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Hoofddorp The Netherlands
Age: 66
Posts: 65
Nuts roasting by an open fire,:-))))
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Old 3rd Oct 2019, 21:47
  #13075 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
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ricardian is offline  
Old 3rd Oct 2019, 22:27
  #13076 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: australia
Posts: 28
A Qld farmer got in his ute and drove to a neighbouring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door.
A young boy, about nine, opened the door.
'Is your Dad home'? the farmer asked.
'Sorry mate, he isn't' the boy replied. 'He went into town.'
'Well,' said the farmer, 'Is your mum here'?
'No, sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad.'
'How about your brother, Robbo? Is he here'?
'He went with Mum and Dad.'
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
'Is there anything I can do for ya'? the boy asked politely. 'I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one. Or maybe, I could take a message for Dad.'
'Well,' said the farmer uncomfortably, 'I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Robbo getting my daughter pregnant.'
The boy considered for a moment.
'You would have to talk to Dad about that,' he finally conceded. If it helps you any, I know that Dad charges $200 for the bull and $150 for the pig, but I really don't know how much he gets for Robbo.'
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Old 3rd Oct 2019, 23:36
  #13077 (permalink)  
Psychophysiological entity
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Tweet Rob_Benham Famous author. Well, slightly famous.
Age: 81
Posts: 4,884
A bloke drives into a village garage with a worried look on his face. He tells the owner about his fears.

"Do you think it's serious?"

The old mechanic lifts the bonnet, takes off the oil filler and listens.

"No, it's not serious."

"How the blazes can you tell from doing that?"

The mechanic lifts the filler again and bids the man, listen.

"An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub . . ."
Loose rivets is offline  
Old 4th Oct 2019, 12:47
  #13078 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Delta of Venus
Posts: 448
I can't decide if she needs to see a gynaecologist, a psychiatrist or an exorcist........



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Old 4th Oct 2019, 13:40
  #13079 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: England
Posts: 172
I'd just like to thank my neighbour for the loan a some plastic sheeting.

Ta Pauline
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Old 4th Oct 2019, 21:05
  #13080 (permalink)  

Only half a speed-brake
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Commuting home
Age: 42
Posts: 3,015
FlightDetent is offline  

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