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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 19th May 2019, 18:31
  #12821 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: UK
Age: 81
Posts: 699
When I worked in the Gulf in the 1970s I saw the building of a number of new palaces for the locals. Seems that many prefer a small space in their paddock to the modern wc built inside - sand being far preferred to paper. Wonder if this is still the case?
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Old 19th May 2019, 19:06
  #12822 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Norfolk
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Wire brush for me.....
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Old 19th May 2019, 19:19
  #12823 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Middlesbrough U.K.
Age: 81
Posts: 355
Originally Posted by ex82watcher View Post
I remember when I went to The Egyptian Museum in Cairo in 1987.When I went to the 'Gent's',there was a uniformed employee outside the door,handing out a single sheet of Bronco-type paper.Thankfully,for the purpose of my visit,it wasn't necessary !
No problem with only 1 sheet of paper. Tear a hole in the centre large enough for your finger, but rememeber to keep the piece of paper which was torn out of the middle.
Insert you finger and clean your backside!
The small piece of paper?
Oh yes, fold it and use it to clean you finger nail. LOL
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Old 19th May 2019, 20:03
  #12824 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Cambridge, England, EU
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Originally Posted by ex82watcher View Post
I remember when I went to The Egyptian Museum in Cairo in 1987.When I went to the 'Gent's',there was a uniformed employee outside the door,handing out a single sheet of Bronco-type paper.Thankfully,for the purpose of my visit,it wasn't necessary !
My backpack always has two loo rolls in it. Which I find I have to use more often in "western" countries than when visiting exotic places.
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Old 19th May 2019, 21:03
  #12825 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Age: 76
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Never underestimate a woman's ingenuity!
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Old 19th May 2019, 22:04
  #12826 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Great South East, tired and retired
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Probably the wife was as frigid as the un-defrosted fridge.
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Old 20th May 2019, 09:46
  #12827 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Southampton
Posts: 664
My ex was frigid - every time she opened her legs a light came on...
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Old 20th May 2019, 10:37
  #12828 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
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A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt

Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche..

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Old 20th May 2019, 10:46
  #12829 (permalink)  
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Lincolnshire
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Posts: 16,593
Originally Posted by G-CPTN View Post
Three? I believe that the Arab method is one small sheet folded into four with the corner torn off to form a hole through which the finger is poked, afterwards using the torn-off corner to scrape out the fingernail - but I suppose that only works with stiff sheets like Bronco, not the soft stuff used today,
I heard it was the Ozzies.
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Old 20th May 2019, 11:10
  #12830 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Hanging off the end of a thread
Posts: 15,960
I rather liked this look at how the Game of Thrones series has come across to the viewing audience..


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Old 20th May 2019, 13:13
  #12831 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Balikpapan, INDONESIA
Age: 67
Posts: 517
Originally Posted by ex82watcher View Post
.............Can't forget my rides in the Cairo taxis either !
Did you find one with a back floor in it?

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Old 20th May 2019, 19:12
  #12832 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Southwater
Age: 69
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Originally Posted by 57mm View Post
Wire brush for me.....
This is what you want for that squeaky cleanliness.


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Old 20th May 2019, 19:55
  #12833 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,115
Originally Posted by RedhillPhil View Post
This is what you want for that squeaky cleanliness.
I bet the designers spent quite a bit of time arguing about clockwise or counter and oscillating would produce unwanted results
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Old 20th May 2019, 22:17
  #12834 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Balikpapan, INDONESIA
Age: 67
Posts: 517


Prompted by Nutloose's GoT horse.
I think I've seen this one here before, but it's worth repeating.
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Old 21st May 2019, 21:50
  #12835 (permalink)  
 
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Old 22nd May 2019, 09:29
  #12836 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: UK
Posts: 1,177
Some toilets in Japan are amazing. We didn’t see one with a brush, but they do have ones with a spray bar that extends at the push of a switch on a control panel to spray your xxxxhole clean while you are still seated. The toilets will also heat the seat and even play music to cover the sound of one’s .....doings !

Since we were very mature people..........we were obviously in hysterics about it.
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Old 22nd May 2019, 10:23
  #12837 (permalink)  
Man Bilong Balus long PNG
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: And once again, the fun and good times having come to an end for yet another year, back in the cold, cruel real world and continuing the seemingly never ending search for that bad bottle of Red
Age: 65
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Devil

Some toilets in Japan are amazing
Ah so, desu ne! I agree! At the Gliding Club I fly for every year there are a few 'thrones' that have so many functions listed on the hand controller to the RHS of the seat that I make a point of not touching anything!!!!

Just in case one of the settings is the 'deknackeriser, wire brush cleaner, tampon remover, replacement and deodouriser' that I was once warned about!!

Have managed to work out the seat heater function though.
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Old 22nd May 2019, 11:07
  #12838 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 614
Toiretto
On this very subject, and a great film to boot here: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1603933...nm_flmg_act_15
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Old 22nd May 2019, 17:48
  #12839 (permalink)  
1DC
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: UK EAST COAST
Posts: 320
A chap goes touring the outback in Oz, somewhere in the middle he comes across a couple of houses and a Pub. He goes in the Pub and has a few beers or more, after a few hours he needs to go to the loo, he asks the landlord where it is and he say it is out the back. He goes outside and sees the biggest pile of sh1t that he has ever seen with steps cut into the side up to the top and a rope to help you get up.On top is a seat with a hole in it. As best he can he hauls himself up the heap and eventually reaches the top and makes himself comfortable on the throne. He is just settling down when he hears someone shouting, looking to his right about a hundred yards away he sees a massive pile of sh1t about three times the height and size of the one he is on.It doesn't have any steps, rope or seat and crouching down right on the top is this bloke shouting at him. Eventually he realises that the bloke is shouting " You must be a Pom". " How did you realise that?" he shouts back.

"Because you are in the bloody ladies" is the reply!!
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Old 22nd May 2019, 18:26
  #12840 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: ILS 110.75
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Originally Posted by 1DC View Post

"Because you are in the bloody ladies" is the reply!!
Thank you for giving Auxtank a genuine "laugh out loud" moment. My older bro did Oz back in 1990 for six months and came back from his travels with that joke. I was a mere whippersnapper of 18 at the time and highly impressionable but always remembered it and have told it through the years. It's a real goodun and only the second time (1st time was bro) it's been told to me - so to speak.
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