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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 7th Apr 2019, 20:41
  #12741 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: shiny side up
Posts: 311

Smythe is online now  
Old 9th Apr 2019, 19:29
  #12742 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 21
You must supply your own...

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Old 10th Apr 2019, 20:50
  #12743 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: ILS 110.75
Posts: 281
Originally Posted by Gertrude the Wombat View Post
W

I think I agree with you that feeding random wildlife is not always a good idea.
Absolutely right there Gertie. Just take a look at the Rumours And News thread now and again.
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Old 11th Apr 2019, 13:38
  #12744 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Under the flight path
Posts: 2,089
The teacher was telling the kids about the birds and the bees and she explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall in love, nine months later the stork usually brings them a little baby from its nest.

Little Gemma at the back of the class put her hand up and asks the teacher, "Are you sure about the stork, miss 'cos I think you’re getting your birds mixed up 'cos my big sister just got a little baby and she said it was from a shag in Scarborough...
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Old 11th Apr 2019, 17:39
  #12745 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wild West Yorkshire
Age: 57
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by LGS6753 View Post
my big sister just got a little baby and she said it was from a shag in Scarborough...
She was probably asked: 'Ave you got any Yorkshire in you luv? No! Would you like some?
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Old 12th Apr 2019, 10:06
  #12746 (permalink)  
Gnome de PPRuNe
 
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Location: Too close to Croydon for comfort
Age: 55
Posts: 5,402

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Old 13th Apr 2019, 14:05
  #12747 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
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Old 13th Apr 2019, 16:43
  #12748 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: shiny side up
Posts: 311
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Old 13th Apr 2019, 20:38
  #12749 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: surrey, in the Hills
Posts: 10

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Old 14th Apr 2019, 19:04
  #12750 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Farnham, Surrey
Posts: 1,163
A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working. He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his not unimpressive member. The woman says very coldly and deliberately "Excuse me sir but this is a clock shop."
"I know;" replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this."
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Old 15th Apr 2019, 22:22
  #12751 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
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Old 16th Apr 2019, 00:14
  #12752 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Southern Sun
Posts: 390
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners

The lady says, “Come Again!”

The blonde says, “No, it’s toothpaste this time.”

Dark Knight is online now  
Old 16th Apr 2019, 13:55
  #12753 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 1,878

Should have gone to Specsavers
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Old 17th Apr 2019, 13:54
  #12754 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Pewsey, UK
Posts: 1,910
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Old 18th Apr 2019, 10:37
  #12755 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Florida
Age: 47
Posts: 409
I asked my wife if I was the only one for her.
She replied "yes, all the others were nines and tens."

I asked my wife the other day what was the one thing she really wanted to do with my body.
She replied: "Identify it."
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Old 18th Apr 2019, 10:53
  #12756 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Darkest Surrey
Posts: 5,608
I asked my wife the other day what was the one thing she really wanted to do with my body.
She replied: "Bring flowers to it every month of so, well at least for the first year, after that it will be a bit like our sex life, your birthday and christmas"
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Old 18th Apr 2019, 21:32
  #12757 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: shiny side up
Posts: 311
My wife gives me sounds advice...

99% sound
1% advice
Smythe is online now  
Old 20th Apr 2019, 09:43
  #12758 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
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Old 21st Apr 2019, 09:40
  #12759 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: UK
Age: 80
Posts: 695
Was once in a public toilet in India where there was no paper, however there was a hole in the wall through which you stuck the finger you had used.
Outside sat a boy wih a hammer who gave the tainted finger a hard blow with said hammer - Ouch!
....?
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Old 21st Apr 2019, 10:14
  #12760 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Following the sun and skiing... No snow involved just Spending the Kids Inheritance!
Age: 75
Posts: 172
We had a case years ago when a perv would go into a park, wait for the school girls to leave their school and, as they passed the fence bordering the park, he would stick his proud member through a knot hole One of the lasses relayed this to her father who waited by the fence the next day with a suitably sized mallet. Now that is OUCH!
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