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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 31st Mar 2019, 19:55
  #12701 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Richard Burtonville, South Wales.
Posts: 1,914
Originally Posted by Blossy View Post

The missing element is Unobtainium.
I believe the Imperial name for Unobtainium is Unicornium.
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Old 31st Mar 2019, 20:37
  #12702 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Cambridge, England, EU
Posts: 3,433
Originally Posted by Auxtank View Post
+1 for the Bunser Burners
(1) Connect a piece of rubber tubing between the gas tap and the water tap.
(2) Turn both taps on.
(3) Observe the confusion as all the Bunsen burners in the lab go out.

No, I don't know how long it took to get the water out of the gas pipes, or which poor sod got the job of sorting this out, we were too busy laughing.
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Old 31st Mar 2019, 20:41
  #12703 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Hampshire
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by Gertrude the Wombat View Post
(1) Connect a piece of rubber tubing between the gas tap and the water tap.
(2) Turn both taps on.
(3) Observe the confusion as all the Bunsen burners in the lab go out.

No, I don't know how long it took to get the water out of the gas pipes, or which poor sod got the job of sorting this out, we were too busy laughing.
And the suddenly serious Science Master (who really is there to teach Football and Rugby) hastily leads all pupils out of the Science Lab in to the quadrangle - scratching his head in genuine perplexity).

Nice one Wombat. Wish I'd been there.

I was, however, a demon when it came to Phosphorus and Sodium experiments. Rough plan; burn the bloody school down.
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Old 31st Mar 2019, 23:07
  #12704 (permalink)  
 
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Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811

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Old 1st Apr 2019, 08:46
  #12705 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
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Old 1st Apr 2019, 10:00
  #12706 (permalink)  
Gnome de PPRuNe
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Too close to Croydon for comfort
Age: 56
Posts: 7,003
Originally Posted by ricardian View Post
They'll pay the bill one day...
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Old 1st Apr 2019, 10:08
  #12707 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Hampshire
Posts: 31

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Old 1st Apr 2019, 10:38
  #12708 (permalink)  
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Lincolnshire
Age: 77
Posts: 16,725
Originally Posted by treadigraph View Post
They'll pay the bill one day...
Cook, Bill, Ducks too.
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Old 1st Apr 2019, 11:55
  #12709 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Hampshire
Posts: 31
My mate's missus left him last Thursday; she said she was going out for a pint of milk and never came back!

I asked him how he was coping and he said, "Not bad; I've been using that powdered stuff."

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Old 1st Apr 2019, 13:32
  #12710 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
Posts: 369
My wife just ran away with my best friend and I sure do miss him....

- Ed
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Old 1st Apr 2019, 14:09
  #12711 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Hampshire
Posts: 31
My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night.
"Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!"
Being the nice guy I am, I thought, "What the hell, I'll treat her!"

So we walked past it again.
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Old 1st Apr 2019, 20:10
  #12712 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Loughborough England
Age: 84
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by Auxtank View Post
My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night.
"Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!"
Being the nice guy I am, I thought, "What the hell, I'll treat her!"

So we walked past it again.
No pudding for you tonight , then.
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Old 1st Apr 2019, 21:06
  #12713 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Hampshire
Posts: 31
Yup.



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Old 2nd Apr 2019, 22:34
  #12714 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
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Old 3rd Apr 2019, 11:23
  #12715 (permalink)  

Gentleman Aviator
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Teetering Towers - somewhere in the Shires
Age: 71
Posts: 3,469
Auxtank

Your (excellent) dinosaurs/ark cartoon was anticipated many years ago by Charles Addams - but his were unicorns. I'll try and find a copy.

But judging by tyhe number of unicorns around tese days - some must have escaped!

Edited to add: Found it! Google is your friend...



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Old 3rd Apr 2019, 14:55
  #12716 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: East of Edenbridge
Age: 59
Posts: 98
Why there are no Unicorns;

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Old 3rd Apr 2019, 18:50
  #12717 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
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Old 4th Apr 2019, 18:27
  #12718 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 411
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Old 4th Apr 2019, 18:40
  #12719 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Hampshire
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by teeteringhead View Post
Auxtank

Your (excellent) dinosaurs/ark cartoon was anticipated many years ago by Charles Addams - but his were unicorns. I'll try and find a copy.

But judging by tyhe number of unicorns around tese days - some must have escaped!

Edited to add: Found it! Google is your friend...



Excellent Teeteringhead.

Staying on the biblical theme...





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Old 5th Apr 2019, 01:12
  #12720 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: A place so nice, they named it twice
Posts: 98
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like......night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
6. Depression is like anger without enthusiasm.
7. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
8. Support Bacteria..........they're the only culture some people have!
9. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
10. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
11. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
12. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? OK, then raise my hand.
13. OK - so what's the speed of dark?
14. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
15. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
16. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
18. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
19. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
20. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
21. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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