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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 12th Mar 2019, 16:09
  #12641 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by G-CPTN View Post
In 1971, we stayed in a Liverpool hotel before catching the ferry to the Isle of Man the following morning.
The concierge was most insistent that we didn't leave the car parked in the street.
Was that the Adelphi? Did a conference there, I was with a CEO of the client at the reception, he was complaining about a draught coming in from the fireplace. The Youth Opportunity kid on reception gave him a copy of the Liverpool Echo. "What's this for?" asked the client. "Stoof it oop yer chimney" was the heavy scouse accent reply.
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Old 12th Mar 2019, 17:11
  #12642 (permalink)  
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
 
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Originally Posted by LookingForAJob View Post

The equivalent of parking a car in some parts of Liverpool, I guess.
I didn't know Lindberg landed at Speke.😃
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Old 12th Mar 2019, 23:40
  #12643 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: UK
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Originally Posted by LookingForAJob View Post
The equivalent of parking a car in some parts of Liverpool, I guess.
No, can't be Liverpool it's still got the wheels on!

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Old 13th Mar 2019, 04:11
  #12644 (permalink)  
 
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Old 13th Mar 2019, 10:16
  #12645 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
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My wife phoned me at work today, she said "Have you been experiencing any unexplained stabbing pains in your chest, like someone is sticking pins in a voodoo doll?"

I thought for a minute then replied "No I don't think I have"

She was silent for a couple of seconds then said "How about now......?"
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Old 13th Mar 2019, 14:27
  #12646 (permalink)  
 
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POLE DANCER...

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Old 13th Mar 2019, 15:52
  #12647 (permalink)  
 
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At a recent interview I asked a candidate if he could perform under pressure?

He replied: "I don't know that one, I can have a bash at Bohemian Rhapsody if you like?"
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Old 14th Mar 2019, 10:57
  #12648 (permalink)  

Gentleman Aviator
 
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Was that the Adelphi? Did a conference there, I was with a CEO of the client at the reception
The Adelphi is not what it was.

Went to a Liverpool function a few years ago, my boss, a serving one-star (Brigadier General equivalent) was booked into the Adelphi, me - as a mere underling - was in the budget Travel Lodge down the road. We compared notes the following morning.

Boss: "The room was full of bedbugs and the bar was full of Russian prostitutes!"

Teeters: "Could have been worse Boss, could have been the other way round!"
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Old 15th Mar 2019, 12:36
  #12649 (permalink)  
 
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Old 16th Mar 2019, 10:17
  #12650 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by gileraguy View Post
Introduced to a young woman named Lana, she asked "Do you know what my name means backwards?"
At a regimental ball in my youth I was introduced to a rather lovely, tipsy blonde, a Miss Louisa A'Cox, she (a bit slurred) "The A is for adores!"

SND
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Old 16th Mar 2019, 23:17
  #12651 (permalink)  
 
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It's 8 minutes long, but rather amusing.

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Old 16th Mar 2019, 23:49
  #12652 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Texas
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Originally Posted by Sallyann1234 View Post
It's 8 minutes long, but rather amusing.

The Gunfighter
Gunfight at the Not So OK Saloon. Larfed, we did.
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Old 17th Mar 2019, 01:09
  #12653 (permalink)  
 
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NEW 50P COIN?


Aunty Betty seems to think so
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Old 17th Mar 2019, 05:03
  #12654 (permalink)  
 
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[QUOTE][It's 8 minutes long, but rather amusing./QUOTE]

Wait, are you Sally????
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Old 17th Mar 2019, 09:34
  #12655 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
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[QUOTE=Smythe;10421147]
[It's 8 minutes long, but rather amusing./QUOTE]

Wait, are you Sally????
Yep. Still itchin'
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Old 17th Mar 2019, 15:59
  #12656 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Delta of Venus
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Overheard in an elevator at Goldman Sachs;
Junior administrator to Investment banker : "What would you do if you had a million dollars in your bank account tomorrow?"
Investment banker : "I would wonder where the fck is the rest of my money..."
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Old 17th Mar 2019, 16:04
  #12657 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
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On a recent trip to Australia I was asked at immigration if I had a criminal record. I replied "I wasn't aware that you still needed one..."
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Old 17th Mar 2019, 16:19
  #12658 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
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At age 3, success is ... not peeing in your pants.
At age 15, success is ... having friends.
At age 18, success is ... having a driver's licence
At age 20, success is ... having sex.
At age 40, success is ... having money.
At age 50, success is ... having money.
At age 65, success is ... having sex.
At age 75, success is ... having a driver's licence
At age 80, success is ... having friends.
At age 85, success is ... not peeing in your pants.
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Old 17th Mar 2019, 23:13
  #12659 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
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Originally Posted by Private jet View Post
....
At age 80, success is ... having friends.
At age 85, success is ... not peeing in your pants.
80 year-old: I got up three times to pee last night.
Friend : You got up .....?

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Old 19th Mar 2019, 20:05
  #12660 (permalink)  
 
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