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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 1st Mar 2019, 06:41
  #12601 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Germany
Age: 71
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The hillbilly mother out hanging up the wash, circa 1930, when an old Curtiss Jenny goes past overhead. To little Johnny, she asks, "Is that there the mail plane?"

"Maw, them is just its wheels hangin' down."
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Old 1st Mar 2019, 14:58
  #12602 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Moscow region
Age: 60
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World feminist congress is getting started. There are two main items in the agenda:
1. All the men are pigs.
2. There is absolutely nothing to wear.
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Old 1st Mar 2019, 16:50
  #12603 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Age: 75
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Old 1st Mar 2019, 17:13
  #12604 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Prague
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Q: What's the difference between a pilot and a pepperoni pizza?
A: A pepperoni pizza can feed a family of four.
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Old 2nd Mar 2019, 07:56
  #12605 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Southern Sun
Posts: 384
Possums, an Aussie story!

The churches in Blenheim were suffering from a plague of possums, and were struggling to stop them peeing in the doorways and disturbing early morning and late night services by sliding up and down the roofs.


The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their possums. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the possums were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.


At the Baptist church the possums had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the possums drown themselves. The possums liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many possums showed up the following week.


The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their possums and set them free near the Baptist Church . Two weeks later the possums were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.


But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the possums and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.


Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue; they took the first possum and circumcised him. They haven't seen a possum since.
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Old 2nd Mar 2019, 20:14
  #12606 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 75
Posts: 800
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Old 2nd Mar 2019, 21:37
  #12607 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 75
Posts: 800
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Old 3rd Mar 2019, 16:28
  #12608 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Age: 75
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Old 3rd Mar 2019, 16:45
  #12609 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Old 4th Mar 2019, 09:03
  #12610 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Old 5th Mar 2019, 11:36
  #12611 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Age: 75
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Old 5th Mar 2019, 20:43
  #12612 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 75
Posts: 800
Why am I not surprised !
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Old 6th Mar 2019, 11:14
  #12613 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 75
Posts: 800

Just to prove to motivational speakers and team meetings the world over - yes there really is an "I" in "team"
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Old 7th Mar 2019, 15:09
  #12614 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Liverpool
Age: 43
Posts: 454
How to explain tax to children.

Take a 40% bite out of their ice-cream.
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Old 7th Mar 2019, 21:42
  #12615 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Age: 75
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Old 8th Mar 2019, 11:07
  #12616 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Darkest Surrey
Posts: 5,339
International Women's Day is celebrated today.

I am not sure my mate fully gets it. He saw it as an opportunity for his wife to come out of the kitchen today for 15 minutes, so she could have chocolates and flowers. But he set the alarm 15 mins early this morning for he so she wouldn't miss any work.
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Old 8th Mar 2019, 11:33
  #12617 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Age: 75
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Old 8th Mar 2019, 11:50
  #12618 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Retired to Leafy Bucks
Posts: 94
"What do we want?”
“Anagrams!”
“What-ho! Wet, new mend?”
“Own!”
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Old 8th Mar 2019, 13:14
  #12619 (permalink)  
Gnome de PPRuNe
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Too close to Croydon for comfort
Age: 55
Posts: 5,176
Goldfrog, think yer anagram might need a little work!
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Old 8th Mar 2019, 13:30
  #12620 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 191
Originally Posted by treadigraph View Post
Goldfrog, think yer anagram might need a little work!

Stands up alright.

"When do we want them?"
"Now"
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