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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 2nd Mar 2019, 07:56
  #12601 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Southern Sun
Posts: 417
Possums, an Aussie story!

The churches in Blenheim were suffering from a plague of possums, and were struggling to stop them peeing in the doorways and disturbing early morning and late night services by sliding up and down the roofs.


The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their possums. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the possums were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.


At the Baptist church the possums had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the possums drown themselves. The possums liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many possums showed up the following week.


The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their possums and set them free near the Baptist Church . Two weeks later the possums were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.


But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the possums and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.


Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue; they took the first possum and circumcised him. They haven't seen a possum since.
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Old 2nd Mar 2019, 20:14
  #12602 (permalink)  
 
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Old 2nd Mar 2019, 21:37
  #12603 (permalink)  
 
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Old 3rd Mar 2019, 16:28
  #12604 (permalink)  
 
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Old 3rd Mar 2019, 16:45
  #12605 (permalink)  
 
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Old 4th Mar 2019, 09:03
  #12606 (permalink)  
 
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Old 5th Mar 2019, 11:36
  #12607 (permalink)  
 
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Old 5th Mar 2019, 20:43
  #12608 (permalink)  
 
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Age: 77
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Why am I not surprised !
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Old 6th Mar 2019, 11:14
  #12609 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811

Just to prove to motivational speakers and team meetings the world over - yes there really is an "I" in "team"
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Old 7th Mar 2019, 15:09
  #12610 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: La Rochelle.
Age: 44
Posts: 487
How to explain tax to children.

Take a 40% bite out of their ice-cream.
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Old 7th Mar 2019, 21:42
  #12611 (permalink)  
 
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Old 8th Mar 2019, 11:07
  #12612 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Permanent Newbie
Posts: 50
International Women's Day is celebrated today.

I am not sure my mate fully gets it. He saw it as an opportunity for his wife to come out of the kitchen today for 15 minutes, so she could have chocolates and flowers. But he set the alarm 15 mins early this morning for he so she wouldn't miss any work.
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Old 8th Mar 2019, 11:33
  #12613 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Old 8th Mar 2019, 11:50
  #12614 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Retired to Leafy Bucks
Posts: 94
"What do we want?”
“Anagrams!”
“What-ho! Wet, new mend?”
“Own!”
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Old 8th Mar 2019, 13:14
  #12615 (permalink)  
Gnome de PPRuNe
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Too close to Croydon for comfort
Age: 56
Posts: 6,617
Goldfrog, think yer anagram might need a little work!
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Old 8th Mar 2019, 13:30
  #12616 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Hampshire
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by treadigraph View Post
Goldfrog, think yer anagram might need a little work!

Stands up alright.

"When do we want them?"
"Now"
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Old 8th Mar 2019, 14:12
  #12617 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Hampshire
Posts: 18
Staying on theme;



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Old 9th Mar 2019, 11:58
  #12618 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: UK
Age: 81
Posts: 698
Two Irish couples decided to do a wife swop one evening.
After 2 hours of frantic sex, Paddy turns over and says;
”Wonder how the girls are getting on?”
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Old 9th Mar 2019, 12:42
  #12619 (permalink)  
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Lincolnshire
Age: 77
Posts: 16,696
Originally Posted by Auxtank View Post
Staying on theme;


I have had two cups of coffee and as wide a wake as I am going to be but I don't get it. As I thinking too deeply?
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Old 9th Mar 2019, 12:49
  #12620 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Andalucia
Posts: 720
Yes ALAN is the other anagram that Mom loves.
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