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Friday Jokes

Old 14th Feb 2019, 16:50
  #12561 (permalink)  

Nigerian In Law
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Haven't been there, never done that.
Age: 60
Posts: 988
Cinton & Lewinsky, The Real Story

Finally, the true story as told by Hillary to world leaders............
Some years ago President Clinton was hosting a state dinner when,
At the last minute, his regular cook fell ill, and they had to
Get a replacement on short notice. The fellow arrived and turned
Out to be a very grubby-looking man named Jon. The President
Voiced his concerns to his Chief of Staff but was told that this
Was the best they could do on such short notice.

Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his
Finger in the soup to taste it and again complained to the Chief
Of Staff, but he was told that this man was supposed to be a very
Good chef. The meal went okay, but the President was sure that
The soup tasted a little funny. By the time dessert came, he was
Starting to have stomach cramps and nausea.

It was getting worse and worse until finally the President had to
Excuse himself from the dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing
Through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, Jon, scratching
His rear end, which made him feel even worse. By now, the
President was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so
Disorientated that he couldn't remember which door led to the
bathroom.

He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally
Found a door that opened. As he unzipped his trousers and ran in,
He realized to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica
Lewinsky's office with his trousers around his knees.
As he was just about to pass out, she bent over him and heard the
President whisper in a barely audible voice, "Sack my cook."

And that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred
Nigerian Expat Outlaw is offline  
Old 15th Feb 2019, 12:12
  #12562 (permalink)  

Nigerian In Law
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Haven't been there, never done that.
Age: 60
Posts: 988
I had to go to the Doctors yesterday and having stripped off he immediately mentioned the fact that my genitalia was perfectly shaped like a saxophone...
I explained that it was a family trait and that we all had genitalia-shaped like musical instruments.
He was amazed and said, “Well, in 27 years as a GP I’ve never seen anything like it.
Having said that I do remember a woman coming in a few years ago and her fanny was shaped like a Mouth Organ” I said...

“That’ll be Our Monica”
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Old 15th Feb 2019, 17:47
  #12563 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 75
Posts: 796

ricardian is offline  
Old 16th Feb 2019, 13:02
  #12564 (permalink)  

Nigerian In Law
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Haven't been there, never done that.
Age: 60
Posts: 988
A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat', agreed to look after her neighbors' house and male dog while they were away on vacation.

She had a large house, however, and believed that she could keep them apart; but as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage as so frequently happens when they mate.

Unable to separate them and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

Having explained the problem to him, the vet said. "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and be able to withdraw" .

"Do you think that will work?" she asked.

"It just worked for me" he replied.
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Old 16th Feb 2019, 21:42
  #12565 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 75
Posts: 796
ricardian is offline  
Old 18th Feb 2019, 09:57
  #12566 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Germany
Age: 71
Posts: 1,553
One for NEO ....

Mom sent little Johnny to the corner store with an order. "Get us a pound of dried peas, and be sure to ask Mr. Jones how his wife is. I heard she's been sick."

At the store Johnny said "Hi, Mr. Jones. Pound of peas, and how's your wife?"

"Split or whole?"

"Her DID!?"
chuks is offline  
Old 18th Feb 2019, 10:15
  #12567 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: apogee
Age: 64
Posts: 57
The joke that keeps on giving.
meadowrun is online now  

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