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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 5th Feb 2019, 07:14
  #12521 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: NZ
Age: 67
Posts: 187
Seen in a pub near London on a condom vending machine in 1973

Made to Britsh standard 3605.

Underneath had been scratched SO WAS THE TITANIC.
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Old 5th Feb 2019, 08:45
  #12522 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: At My Desk
Posts: 3
In light of today's discovery Cardiff City F.C. have announced that Emiliano Sala will remain with the club but will only be used as a sub!
Devon Flyer is offline  
Old 5th Feb 2019, 11:22
  #12523 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: East of Edenbridge
Age: 58
Posts: 84

Women’s brains are 'four years younger' than men’s, study finds



Well, I'd have thought that was obvious; if you rarely use something it's bound to last longer.
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Old 5th Feb 2019, 19:37
  #12524 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807

ricardian is offline  
Old 6th Feb 2019, 10:29
  #12525 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Bristol
Posts: 15

Billboard seen from train going from Bangkok airport to city centre. Apparently minerals from sea are used
Cheltman is offline  
Old 6th Feb 2019, 11:14
  #12526 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 4,599
Icelandic algae is one.

https://www.giffarine.com/en/shoppin...p?p=893&type=1
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Old 6th Feb 2019, 12:30
  #12527 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Farnham, Surrey
Posts: 1,190
Originally Posted by Devon Flyer View Post
In light of today's discovery Cardiff City F.C. have announced that Emiliano Sala will remain with the club but will only be used as a sub!
I heard they sacked him for taking a dive...

PDR
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Old 6th Feb 2019, 14:54
  #12528 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807
ricardian is offline  
Old 6th Feb 2019, 16:20
  #12529 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,120
It looks like an outline for an internal combustion engine to me
lomapaseo is online now  
Old 6th Feb 2019, 16:53
  #12530 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Hampshire
Age: 72
Posts: 690
It's the dreaded "Engine Fault" dashboard warning. Headed for "Limp Home" mode!
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Old 6th Feb 2019, 19:29
  #12531 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Darkest Surrey
Posts: 5,969
Originally Posted by KelvinD View Post
It's the dreaded "Engine Fault" dashboard warning. Headed for "Limp Home" mode!
Aaah get it. British Rail leaves on the line speed rather than Warp Factor 10.
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Old 6th Feb 2019, 22:53
  #12532 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807
ricardian is offline  
Old 7th Feb 2019, 11:52
  #12533 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807

ricardian is offline  
Old 7th Feb 2019, 12:34
  #12534 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Farnham, Surrey
Posts: 1,190
Cant's argue with a cat...


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Old 7th Feb 2019, 23:40
  #12535 (permalink)  

Ich bin ein Prooner.
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Home of the Full Monty.
Posts: 503
An old floozy was trawling round the neighbourhood trying to pick up some trade. As she tottered along, she called in at each of the many pubs en route as she came across them, looking around for a prospective candidate, and throwing another glass of the famous Irish black stuff down her neck, before moving off heading for the next pub.
As she went up to the bar in one of the pubs, she saw a guy aged about thirty sitting on his own, miserable as sin, crying into his pint. Without delay, she went over to him, and asked why he was so upset. He told her that he was still a virgin, and that all of his mates ragged him non-stop about it, and he was distraught.
She quickly seized the chance to make a bit of money out of the situation, and one last drink, and said to him 'There there, deary, come back to my place, I know just the thing for you, it's called a sixty nine!'
So she took the guy down to the grotty hovel she inhabited, and once inside, told the lad to strip off, whilst she was doing the same. She then got on the bed, and pulled him on top of her and showed him what to do, and she started doing her bit.
It wasn't long before several pints of the aforesaid Irish black stuff and a pie and pea supper started making its way down the old alimentary canal, and she had an increasing need to pass wind. She was mortified, and struggled and struggled to hold it, before finally she couldn't keep it any longer,and away it went. She felt absolutely terrible for doing this to the lad, but to her great surprise, he carried on as if nothing had happened at all.
She thought to herself 'He's a real gentleman, he's pretended nothing has happened' before carrying on with her side of the action.
Of course, it wasn't long before the gas started to make itself felt, only this time she wasn't so worried about it, and so let it loose as gently as she could, and to her relief, the guy still carried on unflinchingly.
As happens, the Irish black stuff and pie and peas mixture was really getting its act together, and an enormous pressure built up, and she just let it rip with no hesitation at all.
This time, the lads head slowly lifted up, revealing a poo-spattered face, and he said 'It's no good, love, I can't stand another sixty six of them!'
Noah Zark. is offline  
Old 8th Feb 2019, 12:13
  #12536 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Currently within the EU
Posts: 317
Originally Posted by ricardian View Post
"There must be something in here about how to use all the buttons on the watch."
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Old 8th Feb 2019, 17:02
  #12537 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807

ricardian is offline  
Old 8th Feb 2019, 19:00
  #12538 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807

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Old 9th Feb 2019, 12:17
  #12539 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807
ricardian is offline  
Old 9th Feb 2019, 18:06
  #12540 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: uk
Posts: 758
Those of us who have seen Kirkwall will understand why the population buy lots of sex toys as a distraction from the environment, as will those who know Southend people and their enjoyment of a good orgasm..
old,not bold is offline  

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