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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 26th Jan 2019, 12:57
  #12461 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
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Old 26th Jan 2019, 13:08
  #12462 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: PA
Age: 54
Posts: 36
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Old 26th Jan 2019, 13:25
  #12463 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: PA
Age: 54
Posts: 36
Pope's Blessing.
+50% Holy protection
+100% Holy speed
+350% Holy damage upon impact.

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Old 26th Jan 2019, 14:24
  #12464 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Moscow region
Age: 60
Posts: 506
A car is experiencing problems on a road near Paris and parks on the roadside. The driver is obviously getting ready to get outside. There is a police car hiding itself in "ambush" on a side road nearby and monitoring the situation. One officer says to the other one: "If he does not put a vest ("gilet jaune") on, we will fine him. If he does, we will arrest him".
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Old 26th Jan 2019, 15:11
  #12465 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 560
ricardian
"It's the first thing ther see"

And the last???
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Old 27th Jan 2019, 14:14
  #12466 (permalink)  

Nigerian In Law
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Haven't been there, never done that.
Age: 60
Posts: 990
IMG_0278.jpg

Jawohl !
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Old 27th Jan 2019, 14:47
  #12467 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Cambridge, England, EU
Posts: 3,414
Originally Posted by Nigerian Expat Outlaw View Post
I don't think that would work very well in this household - Mrs GtW is bilingual in German and when she'd stopped laughing would simply correct my grammar, vocabulary and pronunciation.
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Old 27th Jan 2019, 16:00
  #12468 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Southampton
Posts: 89
New Airbus unveiled.



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Old 27th Jan 2019, 22:03
  #12469 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Currently within the EU
Posts: 315
Originally Posted by Tech Guy View Post
New Airbus unveiled.


Where is Schirhol?

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Old 28th Jan 2019, 05:45
  #12470 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Germany
Age: 71
Posts: 1,560
Look at it a bit more closely. That's a lower-case "p" so that it does read "Schiphol."
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Old 28th Jan 2019, 09:15
  #12471 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Germany
Age: 71
Posts: 1,560
Great put-downs of all time, #360 ....

A guy showed up with a Shorts 360 in Lagos, when it did rather stand out on the ramp. I went over to chat with him, when he told me that he was once parked at some major British airport or other, right next to a Delta Lockheed 1011. The Delta captain came over to have a look at the Shorts, finishing by saying "Nice airplane. Did you build it yourself?"
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Old 28th Jan 2019, 09:23
  #12472 (permalink)  
Gnome de PPRuNe
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Too close to Croydon for comfort
Age: 55
Posts: 5,625
I thought it was "is that the aeroplane or the box it came in?"
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Old 28th Jan 2019, 11:06
  #12473 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Germany
Age: 71
Posts: 1,560
I did a year in Miami doing air taxi work. The tourists would land off a 727 to be confronted with my humble self and a Beech BE-95 Travel Air, or perhaps a Piper Aztec. Then the "jokes" would start:

"Do you have to wind up the rubber bands to make it fly?"

"Are you going to be our stewardess?"

And so on, each group of dunderheads, half-cut because in those happy days you still got free drinks, thinking they were being absolutely hilarious towards this oil-stained wretch.

I would just wait a bit, until we cleared the coastline headed for Treasure Cay or Rock Sound or wherever. Then the guy sat next to me usually would look at this 180-degree view of nothing but blue and first ask, "Uhh ... who is controlling this flight?"

"I am."

"No, I mean ... there's radar control, right?"

"There is no radar in the Bahamas. We are flying under visual rules; that is all."

"Err ... what about this 'Bermuda Triangle'?"

"We are in it." Then, if the guy had been giving me a real hard time about being a barnacle on the ass of aviation, I would say, "See that little island right there?" (A little coral atoll the size of a kitchen table.)

"Uh, yeah .... "

"Okay, if we have to ditch there, we need to go for the south side."

"Why is that?"

"The sharks on the north side know what the splash means."

"Sharks!?"

"Sharks are found in all the oceans of all the world." After that it got nice and quiet ....
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Old 28th Jan 2019, 15:06
  #12474 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Age: 76
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Old 28th Jan 2019, 15:11
  #12475 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Delta of Venus
Posts: 396
"I once dated a woman with brittle bone syndrome. It didn't last long, which was such a shame because she was cracking in bed......"
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Old 28th Jan 2019, 20:06
  #12476 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 805

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Old 29th Jan 2019, 08:26
  #12477 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Moscow region
Age: 60
Posts: 506
Originally Posted by Sallyann1234 View Post
No. You're thinking of the Eskimo/Inuit song:

"Whale meat again, and again, and again. I know we'll all eat whale meat every day"
A Russian Eskimos is sitting on an ice floe somewhere at the shore of the Arctic sea, smoking a pipe, enjoying life and talking to a walrus lying nearby: "I know a f.. funny joke about Kremlin idiots, but will not tell it to anybody. Otherwise KGB arrive and exile me to the middle of nowhere".
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Old 29th Jan 2019, 13:18
  #12478 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Delta of Venus
Posts: 396
"I've just lost my job as caller at the local Bingo hall... Apparently "a meal for two with a hairy view" was not an acceptable description for the number 69..."
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Old 29th Jan 2019, 16:31
  #12479 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Head in the Clouds
Posts: 72
Frozen Crabs & the Blonde Stewardess
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up ... so she took them home and ate them.
Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't always as dumb as most folks think.
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Old 30th Jan 2019, 00:38
  #12480 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
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