Go Back  PPRuNe Forums > PPRuNe Social > Jet Blast
Reload this Page >

Friday Jokes

Jet Blast Topics that don't fit the other forums. Rules of Engagement apply.

Friday Jokes

Old 21st Jan 2019, 23:09
  #12441 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Northern Victoria
Age: 76
Posts: 10
A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by.
He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like "Brian!
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang
like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then.
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his f****ing widow."
Cat3508 is offline  
Old 22nd Jan 2019, 08:26
  #12442 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 803
ricardian is offline  
Old 22nd Jan 2019, 10:15
  #12443 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 441
Art imitating life, Ricardian. Mrs. Hydro was a pre-school teacher. Once, she needed to know the given name of one of the kids' father. She asked the kid what daddy's name was: "Daddy". What does mummy call Daddy?: "D!ckhead.".
Hydromet is offline  
Old 22nd Jan 2019, 10:41
  #12444 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Darkest Surrey
Posts: 5,680
Following on from the Eels in The Thames getting high on Cocaine there was a story of the WW2 fisherman who caught eels in the Thames Estuary.
/
On one occasion he caught a large eel who was seen as a delicacy in certain Hotels. Sadly whe he got it on board a boat hook sliced it in 2 and he saw his chances of a bumper catch gone as efforts to join them together didn't work.

Sitting head in hands he heard voices and looked up and the Eel cut in 2 was talking to him.

Don't worry about joining us together as that will happen,that Vera lady is always singing about it.

"Eel meet again, don't know where, don't know when but I know eel meet again some sunny day."
racedo is offline  
Old 22nd Jan 2019, 12:22
  #12445 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Currently within the EU
Posts: 315
Originally Posted by racedo View Post
Following on from the Eels in The Thames getting high on Cocaine there was a story of the WW2 fisherman who caught eels in the Thames Estuary.
/
On one occasion he caught a large eel who was seen as a delicacy in certain Hotels. Sadly whe he got it on board a boat hook sliced it in 2 and he saw his chances of a bumper catch gone as efforts to join them together didn't work.

Sitting head in hands he heard voices and looked up and the Eel cut in 2 was talking to him.

Don't worry about joining us together as that will happen,that Vera lady is always singing about it.

"Eel meet again, don't know where, don't know when but I know eel meet again some sunny day."
No. You're thinking of the Eskimo/Inuit song:

"Whale meat again, and again, and again. I know we'll all eat whale meat every day"
Sallyann1234 is online now  
Old 22nd Jan 2019, 21:51
  #12446 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Southern Sun
Posts: 397
One day, the wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring.

"Where did you get that ring?" her husband asks.

"Well, she replies, "My boss and I played the lotto and we won, so I Bought it with my share of the winnings."

A week later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat.

Where did you get that coat?" her husband asks.

She replies "My boss and I played the lotto and we won again, so I bought It with my share of the winnings."

Another week later, his wife comes home, driving a flaming red Ferrari,

You guessed it:

Her share of the lotto winnings....

That night, the wife asks her husband to run her a nice warm bath while She gets undressed When she enters the bathroom, she finds that there is Barely enough water in the bath to cover the bath plug.

"What's this?" she asks her husband.

"Well," he replies, "We don't want to get your lotto ticket wet, do we??"
Dark Knight is offline  
Old 23rd Jan 2019, 08:17
  #12447 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 803
ricardian is offline  
Old 23rd Jan 2019, 13:11
  #12448 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Darkest Surrey
Posts: 5,680
Vodka & ice destroys the kidneys,

Ouzo & ice destroys the liver,

Whiskey & ice destroys the heart,

Gin & ice destroys the brain.

Why has Ice not been banned?
racedo is offline  
Old 23rd Jan 2019, 15:39
  #12449 (permalink)  

Nigerian In Law
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Haven't been there, never done that.
Age: 60
Posts: 989
50p coin.jpg

Nuff said......
Nigerian Expat Outlaw is offline  
Old 23rd Jan 2019, 18:35
  #12450 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Cayley's County - Yorkshire
Posts: 74

CAEBr is offline  
Old 24th Jan 2019, 09:26
  #12451 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 803
ricardian is offline  
Old 24th Jan 2019, 16:47
  #12452 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Retired to Leafy Bucks
Posts: 94
'Lucy in the sky with diamonds'

John Lennon - great musician, rubbish at Cluedo.
goldfrog is offline  
Old 24th Jan 2019, 20:35
  #12453 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 803

ricardian is offline  
Old 25th Jan 2019, 09:46
  #12454 (permalink)  

Gentleman Aviator
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Teetering Towers - somewhere in the Shires
Posts: 3,360
You may have to explain that one to our younger readers...
Indeed so. My young were confused when I told them that 33 years and 4 months was a Vinyl Wedding Anniversary.
Guess I'll have to wait for my "Shellac" after 78 years........ (come to think of it, my "7 Inch" Anniversary is in 2021!)
teeteringhead is offline  
Old 25th Jan 2019, 12:52
  #12455 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 4,533
Mine was when I was about fifteen.
Fareastdriver is online now  
Old 25th Jan 2019, 13:23
  #12456 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: spacetime
Posts: 256
....... (come to think of it, my "7 Inch" Anniversary is in 2021!)[/QUOTE]

Excellent
gemma10 is offline  
Old 25th Jan 2019, 20:18
  #12457 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Great South East, tired and retired
Posts: 2,246
What about your 10" Extended Play anniversary? (The 7 Brides for 7 Bros soundtrack was one of these)
Ascend Charlie is offline  
Old 26th Jan 2019, 09:30
  #12458 (permalink)  
Man Bilong Balus long PNG
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Back in the land of the Rising Sun for another three months of Glider towing, eating great Japanese food, perving on lovely Japanese Ladies and continuing that search for a bad bottle of Red.
Age: 64
Posts: 2,524
ricardian; Love the piccy of the Platterpuss!
Pinky the pilot is offline  
Old 26th Jan 2019, 10:03
  #12459 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 4,533
At the turn of the sixties my father ran a club in Choma, then Northern Rhodesia.

At one end of the bar was a record player that played 33 rpm records. The resident budgerigar would alight on the record, follow it around to the pick up arm, jump over it and back on to the record.

It must have been something to do with the music vibrations coming through its feet.
Fareastdriver is online now  
Old 26th Jan 2019, 11:16
  #12460 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 803
ricardian is offline  

Thread Tools
Search this Thread

Contact Us Archive Advertising Cookie Policy Privacy Statement Terms of Service

Copyright 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.