Go Back  PPRuNe Forums > PPRuNe Social > Jet Blast
Reload this Page >

Friday Jokes

Jet Blast Topics that don't fit the other forums. Rules of Engagement apply.

Friday Jokes

Old 9th Jan 2019, 19:19
  #12401 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Just outside Newbury
Age: 52
Posts: 261
The only cow in a small town in the USA stopped giving milk.
Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Canada quite cheaply.
So, they brought the cow down from Canada
It was absolutely wonderful,
it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.
They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows,
so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply ever again.
They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but
whenever the bull tried to mount the cow,
the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he was never able to do the deed.
The people were very upset, and decided to go to the Vet,
who was considered very wise, tell him what was happening, and ask his advice.
As they explained "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away.
If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.
When he approaches her from the front, she backs off
If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."
The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully, and pondered this before asking,
"Did you by chance, buy this cow in Canada ?"
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Canada.
"You are truly a wise Vet" they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Canada?"
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye,

"My wife comes from Canada"
Maxibon is offline  
Old 9th Jan 2019, 22:30
  #12402 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811
ricardian is offline  
Old 10th Jan 2019, 22:12
  #12403 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811
ricardian is offline  
Old 11th Jan 2019, 00:35
  #12404 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811


Historical facts #10,849
ricardian is offline  
Old 11th Jan 2019, 06:36
  #12405 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Reading, UK
Posts: 11,758
One definition of a gentleman is "a man who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't".
DaveReidUK is offline  
Old 11th Jan 2019, 08:22
  #12406 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: UK
Posts: 785
A flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately

"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot and sexy, female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous!"

The captain responds, "Patricia, I've told you this before. This is Air Force One..."
Lafyar Cokov is offline  
Old 11th Jan 2019, 12:14
  #12407 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: On a foreign shore trying a new wine diet. So far, I've lost 3days!
Age: 72
Posts: 395
On the beach is offline  
Old 11th Jan 2019, 14:45
  #12408 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Glasgow Scotland
Posts: 50
Originally Posted by DaveReidUK View Post
One definition of a gentleman is "a man who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't".
The definition of perfect pitch is being able to throw a set of bagpipes into the toilet without hitting the sides, same goes for the Banjo.
Martin Barclay is offline  
Old 11th Jan 2019, 14:47
  #12409 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 727
Followed by the banjo player.
jolihokistix is offline  
Old 11th Jan 2019, 14:48
  #12410 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Coasting South
Age: 65
Posts: 56
"Would you like ice in your Snowball?"

hiflymk3 is offline  
Old 11th Jan 2019, 16:44
  #12411 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Hertfordshire
Posts: 405
Allan Lupton is offline  
Old 12th Jan 2019, 06:45
  #12412 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: All over the Planet
Posts: 783
It took me over a month to finish a jigsaw puzzle once; I was pleased with myself. On the box it said 2 to 5 years.
Ken Borough is offline  
Old 12th Jan 2019, 10:42
  #12413 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Moscow region
Age: 61
Posts: 543
An old Russian/Soviet joke:
KGB tender to supply lie detectors was won by a Moscow soldering iron plant due to unprecedented price/effectiveness performance demonstrated by its product line.
A_Van is offline  
Old 12th Jan 2019, 11:58
  #12414 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 727
Quick rework.

Putin was woken up in the early morning recently by his footman.
"I'm awfully sorry to have to wake you sir, but it's an emergency. I have some good news and some bad news."
"Give me the bad news first", said Putin, keeping his eyes closed and struggling to ignore the thumping from last night's vodka.
"It's the Chinese, sir. They've landed on the far side of the moon!"
"God, that's truly bad. Ooofff.... And now I suppose you're going to give me with the good news?"
"Well, sir, it's all of them, sir."
jolihokistix is offline  
Old 12th Jan 2019, 13:19
  #12415 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: England
Posts: 349
Originally Posted by A_Van View Post
An old Russian/Soviet joke:
KGB tender to supply lie detectors was won by a Moscow soldering iron plant due to unprecedented price/effectiveness performance demonstrated by its product line.
Thanks, A_Van.
That reminds me of this one. Courtesy of Reddit.

A new tomb with a mummy was discovered in Egypt, but the world's experts could not decode any of the wall writings to figure out the name of the king or what dynasty he belonged to.
Eventually they asked the USSR to see if maybe they had an expert who could help. The USSR sent 4 KGB officers, who walked into the tomb and emerged an hour later.
They said it was the mummy of Neferkare II of the Eighth dynasty. Astonished, all the experts wanted to know what proof they had. The lead KGB officer replied: "We have his signed confession" .
Sallyann1234 is offline  
Old 13th Jan 2019, 16:53
  #12416 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811
ricardian is offline  
Old 14th Jan 2019, 07:06
  #12417 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Moscow region
Age: 61
Posts: 543
Originally Posted by Sallyann1234 View Post
...... "We have his signed confession" .
That's much cooler than mine, thanks! Changing the topic a little bit.

On information security
A boss of a big company is retiring and giving some advices to his successor: "If you don't sleep with your secretary, somebody else sleeps with her. This means that this someone knows your secrets. Thus, sleeping with the secretary is not just a whim or caprice, but an important business process."
A_Van is offline  
Old 14th Jan 2019, 08:12
  #12418 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Southern Sun
Posts: 417
THE END IS NEAR

Sean is the vicar of a Protestant parish on the border of Northern Ireland and Republic of Ireland, and Patrick is the priest at the Roman Catholic Church across the road.

One day they are seen together, erecting a sign which reads:

"THE END IS NEAR. TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE."

As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells:

"Leave people alone, you religious nutters. We don't need your lectures."

From around the next curve they hear screeching tyres and a big splash.

Shaking his head, Father Patrick says:
"Dat's da terd one dis mornin'."

"Yaa, Sean agrees, then adds: "Do ya tink maybe da sign should just say:




"BRIDGE CLOSED"?
Dark Knight is offline  
Old 14th Jan 2019, 09:33
  #12419 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: La Rochelle.
Age: 44
Posts: 487
An old Russian/Soviet joke:
Having saved for fifteen years, guy goes into the Moscow Lada dealership. 'Yes, you have enough to buy a brand new Lada', says the dealer. 'It's exactly four years delivery from today.'
'That's fine', says the guy looking at his diary, 'Morning or afternoon?'
'Well', says the dealer, 'Afternoon but how can it matter?'
'Phew', says the guy, 'That's a relief because I've got the plumber coming first thing...'
clareprop is offline  
Old 14th Jan 2019, 10:35
  #12420 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811
ricardian is offline  

Thread Tools
Search this Thread

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information

Copyright 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.