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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 29th Dec 2018, 00:55
  #12381 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Great South East, tired and retired
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Take the pin out first.....
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Old 29th Dec 2018, 12:49
  #12382 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Richard Burtonville, South Wales.
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Originally Posted by sitigeltfel View Post
Are those taken orally, or does the pharmacist tell you to stick them up your arse ?
For all the use suppositories are as pills, you might as well stick them up your arse!

CG
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Old 29th Dec 2018, 14:00
  #12383 (permalink)  
 
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Old 31st Dec 2018, 06:20
  #12384 (permalink)  
 
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Irish logic...

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Old 31st Dec 2018, 09:35
  #12385 (permalink)  
 
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Old 31st Dec 2018, 14:58
  #12386 (permalink)  
 
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Not a joke, but amusing and entertaining...

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Old 1st Jan 2019, 00:36
  #12387 (permalink)  
 
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She Likes Leather.
Attached Files
File Type: zip
Girl_In_A_BarWMV-P.zip (1.86 MB, 396 views)

Last edited by John_Reid; 1st Jan 2019 at 09:30.
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Old 1st Jan 2019, 21:35
  #12388 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Southern Sun
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An old man is walking in Hastings Street, Noosa, and passes a hooker standing at her door.
She asks him: "Granddad, why don't we give it a try?”
"No girl, that is no longer possible for me” he replies.
Says the hooker: "Come on, what have we got to lose, we can give it a try!?”
They both go inside.
They undress and then he acts like a young man and performs 5 times in a row.
"Oh my goodness", says the hooker, breathless "and you said that it was no longer possible for you?!”
Says the old man: “Oh, screwing is still going well, it's the paying for it that is no longer possible..”
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Old 2nd Jan 2019, 10:17
  #12389 (permalink)  
 
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Old 2nd Jan 2019, 15:05
  #12390 (permalink)  
 
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Old 2nd Jan 2019, 18:26
  #12391 (permalink)  
 
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Be careful!
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Old 5th Jan 2019, 15:45
  #12392 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Cambridge, England, EU
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Originally Posted by lomapaseo View Post
are you suggesting that some of us actually write (create) jokes?
I claim that I made this one up

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a duck.
She put them on the mantelpiece
To see if they would fall off.

as a schoolboy in the 1960s. It's been published since, with no acknowledgement.
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Old 6th Jan 2019, 11:27
  #12393 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Southampton
Posts: 690
Where have the jokes gone?

Any comments should include an obligatory joke at the end.

So:

A milkman knocks on a woman's door.

She comes out and asks if she can have 100 pints of milk.

"100 pints of milk?" he says, "What are you gonna do with all that?"

"Well," she says, "In the days of Cleopatra she used to bathe in milk to keep her skin young so I'm gonna try it."

"Will pasteurised do?" he says.

"No," she says, "Up to my tits is fine."
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Old 6th Jan 2019, 15:50
  #12394 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: UK
Age: 55
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- thanks for reminding me Saintsman, still know it word for word; they don't write 'em like that any more !
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Old 6th Jan 2019, 16:25
  #12395 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
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What's the difference between a rooster and an attorney?

A rooster clucks defiance!

Oh, is my cab here already?

- Ed
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Old 6th Jan 2019, 16:32
  #12396 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Coasting South
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'ere's one wot I made up.

I was thinking of adding a loft conversion, but that's another storey.
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Old 7th Jan 2019, 19:02
  #12397 (permalink)  
 
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Old 7th Jan 2019, 20:44
  #12398 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Station 42
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One for the kids:

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.

One un-PC joke for the grown-ups:

What gets easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
A woman.
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Old 8th Jan 2019, 11:39
  #12399 (permalink)  
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What's brown and sticky?

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Old 8th Jan 2019, 20:49
  #12400 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Age: 77
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My nephew took going to jail really, really badly. He refused food and drinks, he spat and swore at anyone coming near him and start throwing things around.
After that we never played Monopoly again.
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