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Friday Jokes

Old 2nd Nov 2018, 21:07
  #12261 (permalink)  
 
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FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Special operators will no longer be allowed to wear black face paint after biting criticism from activist groups, sources confirmed today.

The move is aimed to stop the controversial practice of channeling one’s inner black dude before infiltrating a compound.

“We are not 100 percent woke, but this is a big step,” said Lt. Gen. Scott Howell, the current nominee to head Joint Special Operations Command. “We must stop perpetuating the stereotype that all black people are good at tactical operations.”

Recent studies show “blending in with the dark of night” to be a racist artifact of the past. SEALs will now be required to use inclusive rainbow patterns and biodegradable glitter.

“I never felt like I was being racist,” said Petty Officer 1st Class James Largo, “but I understand how cultural biases can find concealment in the covert corners of your mind.”

The changes, which go into effect next month, have support of allies and critics alike. Even hostile countries like Syria and Somalia are excited for the progressive step forward.
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Old 3rd Nov 2018, 09:52
  #12262 (permalink)  
 
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Old 3rd Nov 2018, 17:18
  #12263 (permalink)  
 
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Old 3rd Nov 2018, 19:27
  #12264 (permalink)  
 
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What do Redneck divorces and tornadoes have in common?






Somebody somewhere is going to lose a trailer
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Old 3rd Nov 2018, 21:20
  #12265 (permalink)  
 
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When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied, "I don't know, I never had one."
Reminds me of the one-time Australian politician, Andrew Peacock, who had a well-publicised relationship with Shirley MacLaine. When told that he'd been appointed Minister for Foreign Affairs, Ms MacLaine reportedly said that she'd give him one he'd never forget.
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Old 6th Nov 2018, 01:09
  #12266 (permalink)  
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Old 6th Nov 2018, 06:11
  #12267 (permalink)  
 
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Old 6th Nov 2018, 07:32
  #12268 (permalink)  
 
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I had always felt that my library was incomplete without an English Thesaurus, but after thumbing through a copy in a bookshop, I came to the conclusion it was nothing to write house about.
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Old 6th Nov 2018, 13:08
  #12269 (permalink)  
 
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Old 6th Nov 2018, 13:15
  #12270 (permalink)  
 
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Old 6th Nov 2018, 19:21
  #12271 (permalink)  
 
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A shetland pony goes into a bar and whispers 'I'd like a bucket of water and some hay please'.
The barman says, 'I'm sorry, I didn't hear that. Can you speak up?'
The shetland pony says, 'Afraid not, I'm a little hoarse.'
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Old 6th Nov 2018, 23:26
  #12272 (permalink)  
 
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A piece of rope goes into a bar, and orders a drink.
The barman says, "I can't serve you, you're just a piece of rope."
The rope leaves the bar, goes around the corner, and decides to disguise himself. He ties himself into a great big knot, like a head, and on the top he frazzles and frays the end of the rope to look like hair.
He goes back into the bar and orders a drink.
The barman says, "Aren't you the piece of rope I saw a minute ago?"
And the rope replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot!"
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Old 7th Nov 2018, 17:36
  #12273 (permalink)  

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Old 9th Nov 2018, 14:16
  #12274 (permalink)  
 
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Old 10th Nov 2018, 16:30
  #12275 (permalink)  
 
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Sign of the times...
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Old 10th Nov 2018, 16:43
  #12276 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by ricardian View Post
Still prefer this one:

"I need a GDPR consultant."
"I know a good bloke, did all our procedures for us."
"Can I have his contact details?"
"Nope."
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Old 11th Nov 2018, 03:46
  #12277 (permalink)  
 
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Old 11th Nov 2018, 13:44
  #12278 (permalink)  

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Old 14th Nov 2018, 01:09
  #12279 (permalink)  
 
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Old 15th Nov 2018, 07:53
  #12280 (permalink)  

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