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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 25th Oct 2018, 16:57
  #12221 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Saratoga Springs, NY
Age: 66
Posts: 59
CHILD (spits out food)
MOM: “ Hey we don’t spit. If it’s in your mouth you swallow.
DAD (raises eyebrows)
MOM: “Shut the f—k up.”
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Old 25th Oct 2018, 18:53
  #12222 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Exit stage right.
Posts: 288
There was that tie up between Audi and Japanese car manufacturer in name of rock music

Suzuki Quatro
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Old 25th Oct 2018, 19:26
  #12223 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wild West Yorkshire
Age: 59
Posts: 3
...and in Hollwood again, Jane Honda.
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Old 25th Oct 2018, 20:31
  #12224 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Coasting South
Age: 66
Posts: 70
Chris Rea was going to join Dire Straights to form Dire Rea.
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Old 25th Oct 2018, 21:21
  #12225 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Exit stage right.
Posts: 288
Originally Posted by hiflymk3 View Post
Chris Rea was going to join Dire Straights to form Dire Rea.
They managed to do that all by themselves.

Old work mate Colin had hs car broken into in 1980's, they nicked all his tapes apart from Dire Straits
putting in deliberately on the dashboard as well.
Think that hurt him more than the whole break in
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Old 25th Oct 2018, 23:33
  #12226 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Too close to Croydon for comfort
Age: 57
Posts: 8,348
Originally Posted by hiflymk3 View Post
Chris Rea was going to join Dire Straights to form Dire Rea.
Wrong, he had a Welsh half-brother named Dai Rea
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Old 26th Oct 2018, 08:11
  #12227 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Under the flight path
Posts: 2,400
Bad news for dyslexics:

Tomorrow the cocks go black.
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Old 26th Oct 2018, 08:53
  #12228 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Yorks
Age: 61
Posts: 328
A recent attempted robbery on a patisserie was foiled when the baker rushed out of the back room all buns glazing.
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Old 26th Oct 2018, 11:29
  #12229 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 800
The daker must have deen byslexic?
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Old 26th Oct 2018, 11:36
  #12230 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 78
Posts: 811
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Old 26th Oct 2018, 18:37
  #12231 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
Age: 69
Posts: 920
If your glass is half empty, pour the contents into a smaller glass and stop bitching.
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Old 26th Oct 2018, 18:44
  #12232 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: apogee
Age: 66
Posts: 69
If you think life is handing you melons,
you might be dyslexic.
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Old 26th Oct 2018, 19:17
  #12233 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
Age: 69
Posts: 920
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Old 27th Oct 2018, 08:10
  #12234 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
Age: 69
Posts: 920
I was watching a Medieval version of the Great British bake off ..

That King Alfred the Great didn't do too well .
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Old 27th Oct 2018, 13:22
  #12235 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Somerset
Posts: 57
Dyslexics of the World untie!
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Old 27th Oct 2018, 15:39
  #12236 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
Posts: 494
Talking Dyslexic Bank Robbery

"Air in the hands, mother stickers! This is a fcuk up!"

- Ed
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Old 27th Oct 2018, 17:23
  #12237 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 78
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Old 27th Oct 2018, 19:12
  #12238 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 78
Posts: 811
A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.
Finally, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked,
"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
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Old 27th Oct 2018, 20:25
  #12239 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Great South East, tired and retired
Posts: 3,370
A variation of Cavuman's joke:

"Hand your sticks in the air, this is a fcuk-up!"
"...don't you mean a stick-up?"
"No, it's a fcuk-up, I forgot my gun!"
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Old 27th Oct 2018, 20:43
  #12240 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: PA
Age: 56
Posts: 31
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