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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 19th Sep 2018, 13:52
  #12141 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
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Old 19th Sep 2018, 16:13
  #12142 (permalink)  
 
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Old 19th Sep 2018, 17:00
  #12143 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
Age: 67
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One Step Beyond!

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Old 19th Sep 2018, 20:20
  #12144 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
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Old 19th Sep 2018, 20:52
  #12145 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Age: 76
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Old 19th Sep 2018, 22:50
  #12146 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
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Old 21st Sep 2018, 20:04
  #12147 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: avro country
Age: 68
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Old 21st Sep 2018, 21:58
  #12148 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: VHHH Ocean 2D
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Ricardian,

You didn't need to post a picture of a spelling mistake to let everyone know what a joke of an airline this place really is.
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Old 22nd Sep 2018, 12:16
  #12149 (permalink)  

Nigerian In Law
 
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Location: Haven't been there, never done that.
Age: 61
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Old 22nd Sep 2018, 12:26
  #12150 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Darkest Surrey
Posts: 6,007
Guy turns to his mate and says, "I found this woman by the railway tracks and made mad passionate love to her for an hour"

Mate asks "What did she look like"

Guy "Dunno as never found her head"
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Old 22nd Sep 2018, 14:53
  #12151 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
Age: 67
Posts: 898
Today's tip:

If you expect to get caught up in a hurricane, put sausages and cheese slices in your pockets.
That way, you will be the first to be found by the rescue dogs.
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Old 22nd Sep 2018, 20:29
  #12152 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Coasting South
Age: 65
Posts: 53
Just watched a documentary on ship building. Riveting!.
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Old 22nd Sep 2018, 23:37
  #12153 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: avro country
Age: 68
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Old 23rd Sep 2018, 02:28
  #12154 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: The Smaller Antipode
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If you expect to get caught up in a hurricane, put sausages and cheese slices in your pockets.
That way, you will be the first to be found by the rescue dogs.
Like I was once told to add 1 to the total passenger count when signing the aircraft loadsheet, in the event of an accident they would keep on looking -- and it might be for me !
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Old 23rd Sep 2018, 16:44
  #12155 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: PA
Age: 54
Posts: 35
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Old 23rd Sep 2018, 16:47
  #12156 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: PA
Age: 54
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Old 24th Sep 2018, 12:54
  #12157 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
Age: 67
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Freddy Mercury is having dinner in a Greek restaurant while a wedding reception is taking place in the function room.

The happy couple notice him and come over to speak to him.

They ask if he would help them celebrate in the Greek tradition by breaking a couple of plates.

"Certainly" he says "but I need another plate".

"Why is that?" they enquire.

Freddy replies, "I want to break three!"
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Old 24th Sep 2018, 23:43
  #12158 (permalink)  
JetBlast member 2005.
JetBlast member 2006.
Banned 2007
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: The US of A - sort of
Posts: 323
There was a woman travelling across Australia desperate for a pee, but being brought up in the city, couldn't just do it by the side of the road. Fortunately she found a farmhouse, knocked on the door and asked if she could use the toilet. The old farmer replied that he only had an outhouse, but she was welcome to it. The woman went out there and from ten feet away the smell was so powerful she almost turned round, but she realised it would only take a minute so she forced herself on, opened the door, waited for the swarm of dunny flies to dissipate and slowly lowered herself on the seat.

Too bad then that just as she was settling in, her arse broke off the top of the crusted pyramid of poo. The stench was unbelievable and she just couldn't help herself and started to vomit.

Well I guess you all know how a siphon works!
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Old 25th Sep 2018, 13:26
  #12159 (permalink)  

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Join Date: May 2004
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Old 25th Sep 2018, 17:58
  #12160 (permalink)  

Nigerian In Law
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Haven't been there, never done that.
Age: 61
Posts: 993
An older Gentlemen man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.

A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that wont quit, comes to his table and asks if he is ready to order, "What would you like, sir?"

He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."

The waitress turns and walks away in disgust.

After she regains her composure, she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?" Again the old man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, a quickie, please.

This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face and storms away.

A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'quiche'"
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