Go Back  PPRuNe Forums > PPRuNe Social > Jet Blast
Reload this Page >

Friday Jokes

Jet Blast Topics that don't fit the other forums. Rules of Engagement apply.

Friday Jokes

Old 13th Jul 2018, 19:36
  #11981 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Lestah
Posts: 159
An American couple are on a driving holiday through deepest Wales, and pass through the town named
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.

They were obviously having trouble trying to say the word and neither really knew the correct Welsh pronunciation. So, they decided to stop for lunch in the town and maybe ask a local to say the name properly for them.

As they sat in the restaurant, the husband leaned over to talk to a young blonde girl sitting at the next table.

"Excuse me" said the man. "We were wondering if you could tell us the name of where we are. Could you pronounce it really slowly? Would you mind?"

The young blonde looked at the man in a slightly bemused way, leans over towards him and says...

"Burrrrrr...Gurrrrrr...Kiiiiiinnng"
Local Variation is offline  
Old 13th Jul 2018, 21:53
  #11982 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
Age: 68
Posts: 905
Juncker claims he wasn't drunk at the NATO lunch and expects us to believe it is Sciatica.

He's got a nerve!
sitigeltfel is offline  
Old 14th Jul 2018, 09:29
  #11983 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
Age: 68
Posts: 905
sitigeltfel is offline  
Old 14th Jul 2018, 09:33
  #11984 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 810
ricardian is offline  
Old 14th Jul 2018, 09:46
  #11985 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: England
Posts: 343
Originally Posted by Local Variation View Post
An American couple are on a driving holiday through deepest Wales, and pass through the town named
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.

They were obviously having trouble trying to say the word and neither really knew the correct Welsh pronunciation. So, they decided to stop for lunch in the town and maybe ask a local to say the name properly for them.

As they sat in the restaurant, the husband leaned over to talk to a young blonde girl sitting at the next table.

"Excuse me" said the man. "We were wondering if you could tell us the name of where we are. Could you pronounce it really slowly? Would you mind?"

The young blonde looked at the man in a slightly bemused way, leans over towards him and says...

"Burrrrrr...Gurrrrrr...Kiiiiiinnng"
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch is not in 'deepest Wales'. It's on the isle of Anglesey. And (fortunately) there is not yet Burger King on the island.

(Just checking my pedant mode still engages when required)
Sallyann1234 is online now  
Old 14th Jul 2018, 10:21
  #11986 (permalink)  
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Lincolnshire
Age: 76
Posts: 16,658
I asked Amazon Alexa the longest ENGLISH place name and was given LlanfairPG. We have 26.
Pontius Navigator is offline  
Old 15th Jul 2018, 08:45
  #11987 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
Age: 68
Posts: 905
"Give me a T".

"T"

"Give me a T".

"T".

"Sod this, I'm off to another cafe".
sitigeltfel is offline  
Old 15th Jul 2018, 11:00
  #11988 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: UK
Age: 56
Posts: 19
An Israeli is out picking up girls in Tel Aviv.
While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather Nordic looking blonde woman.
So they go back to his place, and sure enough, they go at it. Proud of his rugged background and years in the IDF, he forces himself to last as long as possible.
He finally goes over the edge.
Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, "So ... you finish?"

After a slight pause she replies, "No."

Surprised, but pleased, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her, and has his way with her again, this time lasting even longer than the first time ... and this time completing the deed with even louder shouts.

Again he rolls over, lights a cigarette, and asks, "So ... you finish?"

And again, after a short pause, she simply says "No."

Stunned, but still acting reflexively on his macho pride, he once again puts out the cigarette, and mounts his "companion du jour."
This time, with all the strength he could muster up, he barely manages to end the task, but he does, after quite some time and energy is spent.

Barely able to roll over, he reaches for his cigarette ... lights it again, and then asks, "So ... you finish?"

To which her pleasured reply is, "No. I'm Swedish."
WestofEMA is offline  
Old 15th Jul 2018, 23:44
  #11989 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Canada/Malaysia
Age: 79
Posts: 122
Johnny got kicked out of math class again.
The Teacher asked him what comes after 69.
Apparently "mouthwash" was the wrong answer
BlankBox is offline  
Old 16th Jul 2018, 07:02
  #11990 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Cambridge, England, EU
Posts: 3,437
Originally Posted by BlankBox View Post
Johnny got kicked out of math class again.
The Teacher asked him what comes after 69.
Apparently "mouthwash" was the wrong answer
A Bash Street Kids story once had (in the background, nothing to do with the story) a blackboard with "Interesting Numbers" written on it. Clearly to the Kids an "interesting number" is not a thing; the prominent 69 on the blackboard was presumably aimed at the adult readers of the comic.
Gertrude the Wombat is offline  
Old 16th Jul 2018, 07:07
  #11991 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
Age: 68
Posts: 905
A Dr on TV this morning said the way to inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I hadn't finished and I have managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a pockage of Prungles, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valiuminun scriptins the res of the chesescke an a box a chocletz.
Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feel rite now.
sitigeltfel is offline  
Old 17th Jul 2018, 18:09
  #11992 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: PA
Age: 55
Posts: 35
underfire is offline  
Old 18th Jul 2018, 12:27
  #11993 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Germany
Age: 72
Posts: 1,561
Times Square in New York City used to have a lot of sleazy little joints, when one of them was a storefront with a sign saying "Wrestle Nakamura and win $500!" (Nakamure was built like a Sumo wrestler and he was famous for his "pretzel hold," a move that left his opponent looking like one of those.)

Two old Jews were out for a stroll one day when they came across this joint. Hymie said to Abe, "You know, Abe, I think I am going to try this."

"Hymie, are you nuts? You are 70 years old; you weigh 110 pounds soaking wet; and you have a hernia. What are you thinking here? He's going to put you in that pretzel hold and that will be that."

"Abe, I could use the money, and anyway, I haven't been feeling so good lately, so what do I have to lose?"

So in they went. They took Hymie in the back room, where there was a little wrestling ring; this man-mountain, Nakamura, and a small crowd of spectators. Abe sat down at the back to wait and see what was to become of his friend.

Hymie stripped down to his Jockey shorts and climbed in the ring with the crowd going nuts. The announcer gave his short spiel and then rang the bell to begin the match.

Nakamura pounced, grabbing Hymie and lifting him up over his head. Abe just shut his eyes then, so that he only heard what happened after that. First there was a scream of agony from Hymie. "That must be the pretzel hold," thought Abe.

Next, though, the crowd went even crazier, so that Abe opened his eyes again to see Nakamura out cold; Hymie had won!

Walking away counting the winnings Abe asked Hymie how he did that.

"Well, Nakamura grabbed me and put me in the pretzel hold. The pain then, it was so much I had to shut my eyes. I almost passed out. When I opened my eyes again though, there was this big, hairy pair of balls, right in front of my face, so I bit them! The strength you get, when you bite your own balls .... "
chuks is offline  
Old 19th Jul 2018, 09:39
  #11994 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: 51.50N 1W (ish)
Posts: 1,012
The original Billy Connoly version is funnier (if you understand Glaswegian)

https://tinyurl.com/y9g93t7a
Fitter2 is offline  
Old 19th Jul 2018, 11:48
  #11995 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Do I come here often?
Posts: 899
Warning: Aviation Content


I used to fly with a training captain who did something similar. SND
Sir Niall Dementia is offline  
Old 20th Jul 2018, 01:43
  #11996 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: PA
Age: 55
Posts: 35
underfire is offline  
Old 21st Jul 2018, 14:23
  #11997 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Middle America
Age: 80
Posts: 1,153
Turbine D is offline  
Old 24th Jul 2018, 16:23
  #11998 (permalink)  

Nigerian In Law
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Haven't been there, never done that.
Age: 61
Posts: 1,000
While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section.

One asked the other if she would like a beer.

The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable purchasing it.

The first nun replied that she would handle it without a problem.

She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.

The cashier was surprised, so the nun said, “This is for washing our hair.”

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer.

“The curlers are on me.”
Nigerian Expat Outlaw is offline  
Old 24th Jul 2018, 16:46
  #11999 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: PA
Age: 55
Posts: 35
underfire is offline  
Old 25th Jul 2018, 09:13
  #12000 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: UK
Age: 56
Posts: 19
I was on a short trip to Devon, and had asked friends to recommend a good local Indian restaurant.
Managed to get there early without reservation, and get a seat. Drinks order taken and while perusing the menu, the waiter suggested one of the specials, called a Meat Tarka.
Well, I have had chicken tikka and chicken tikka massala before, but never meat tarka, so had to ask waiter what it was.

His answer - "Well Sir, it is like Chicken Tikka, just a little Otter"
WestofEMA is offline  

Thread Tools
Search this Thread

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information

Copyright © 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.