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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 4th Jul 2018, 17:47
  #11941 (permalink)  
 
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"Weres"???
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Old 4th Jul 2018, 18:04
  #11942 (permalink)  
 
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One for the 4th of July...
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Old 4th Jul 2018, 18:19
  #11943 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by Bazzo View Post
"Weres"???
I would have thought;
"I'm sick of not being able to use the proper bath"
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Old 4th Jul 2018, 18:32
  #11944 (permalink)  
 
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I'm sure that some time in the 1960s or 1970s Bristol City Council turned off the fountains on College Green because there was a water shortage

more likely they turned off the water because the locals were bathing and washing clothes in it
Ha! I just recalled someone (who shall remain nameless) dumping a XL pack of Tide into the fountains on the main roundabout in Newcastle-under-Lyme on NYE circa 1982... the wall of foam it created extended across two lanes, backing up traffic for about 1/2 mile along the A52...

As La Rochefousauld said: 'We are quick to forget those crimes that are known only to ourselves.'
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Old 4th Jul 2018, 20:20
  #11945 (permalink)  
 
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Old 4th Jul 2018, 20:53
  #11946 (permalink)  
 
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We went to a restaurant tonight that specialised in cooking exotic animals and birds.

The Pelican was really tasty, but the bill was enormous!
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Old 5th Jul 2018, 00:54
  #11947 (permalink)  
 
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The Pelican was really tasty, but the bill was enormous!
And the Lizard - well, that's another tale...
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Old 5th Jul 2018, 01:52
  #11948 (permalink)  
 
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An acquaintance of mine had a business doing circumcisions on elephants.

The pay wasn't much, but the tips were really big.
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Old 5th Jul 2018, 06:42
  #11949 (permalink)  
 
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Old 5th Jul 2018, 11:02
  #11950 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
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Originally Posted by er340790 View Post
Ha! I just recalled someone (who shall remain nameless) dumping a XL pack of Tide into the fountains on the main roundabout in Newcastle-under-Lyme on NYE circa 1982... the wall of foam it created extended across two lanes, backing up traffic for about 1/2 mile along the A52...

As La Rochefousauld said: 'We are quick to forget those crimes that are known only to ourselves.'
Slight drift here, but I recall in about 1955 there was a London University Rag Week (Are there still such things?). Anyhow, Northampton Engineering College (now City University) took a mock coffin filled with a mixture of Dreft and flouresceine dye markers from a dinghy (then obtainable from 'proper' government surplus stores in Lisle Street) and dumped it into one of the fountains in Trafalgar Square. As well as producing a gratifying amount of flourescent yellow foam, it soon revealed that both the fountains were on the same water system as both soon foamed in harmony. Can't remember how I know this....
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Old 5th Jul 2018, 13:18
  #11951 (permalink)  
 
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Old 5th Jul 2018, 16:39
  #11952 (permalink)  
 
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Old 5th Jul 2018, 17:05
  #11953 (permalink)  
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
 
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Nothing funny about your picture Sid, you look more or less normal.
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Old 5th Jul 2018, 17:40
  #11954 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
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Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Paris airport for the EU summit.

"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.

"German," she replies.

"Occupation?"

"No, just here for a few days"
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Old 5th Jul 2018, 19:25
  #11955 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
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Originally Posted by Buster11 View Post
Slight drift here, but I recall in about 1955 there was a London University Rag Week (Are there still such things?). Anyhow, Northampton Engineering College (now City University) took a mock coffin filled with a mixture of Dreft and flouresceine dye markers from a dinghy (then obtainable from 'proper' government surplus stores in Lisle Street) and dumped it into one of the fountains in Trafalgar Square. As well as producing a gratifying amount of flourescent yellow foam, it soon revealed that both the fountains were on the same water system as both soon foamed in harmony. Can't remember how I know this....
​​Similarly in New Year 1968/9, as one of the revellers in the fountains in Trafalgar Square,I remember some ducks ( apparently "liberated" from St. .James's Park) being released in to the water by students. This was followed by a huge lump of potassium permanganate. Result : pink fountains, pink revellers and pink ducks.
I later remember walking back in the early hours to a mate's flat -in Swiss Cottage.
WTF, I had just been accepted unconditionally in to the University of London.
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Old 6th Jul 2018, 16:51
  #11956 (permalink)  

Nigerian In Law
 
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Jack was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, "Give me one last request dear", he said.

"Of course, Jack", his wife said softly.

"Six months after I die, I want you to marry Larry".

"But, I thought you hated Larry".

With his last breath Jack said, "I do, because he's always so happy".
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Old 6th Jul 2018, 17:00
  #11957 (permalink)  
 
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Air New Zealand has caused controversy by altering its in-flight menu to include a Vegan burger.

Personally I can't see what the fuss is about, as long as the Vegans are humanely killed.
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Old 6th Jul 2018, 18:08
  #11958 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
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I have to admit to giving my SL a "Grand Prix" start when leaving the tollbooths, but at least I have the good grace to make sure the way ahead is clear!






A few hours ago at the peage Saint-Isidore near Nice.
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Old 6th Jul 2018, 18:57
  #11959 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
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Vive le sport! Ahh the French... quelle finesse
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Old 7th Jul 2018, 00:34
  #11960 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
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I bet somebody backed up when they dropped their change
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