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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 5th Apr 2018, 22:00
  #11621 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: The Fletcher Memorial Home
Age: 55
Posts: 302
Originally Posted by WestofEMA View Post
Come on NEO, you cannot fool us. It wasn't really a friend was it!!!!
Seriously a friend of mine has had a similar issue with a penis enlarger. His wife of many years suggested he needed one, so he did what he was told and went out and got one. When his wife saw what he'd got she went ballistic and told him to get rid of it immediately.

So if anyone is in need of a penis enlarger let me know and I'll put you in touch. The penis enlargers name is Samantha, she's a 24 year old 38-24-38 part time pole dancer.......
Ogre is offline  
Old 5th Apr 2018, 22:37
  #11622 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Permanent Newbie
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by Ogre View Post
Seriously a friend of mine has had a similar issue with a penis enlarger. His wife of many years suggested he needed one, so he did what he was told and went out and got one. When his wife saw what he'd got she went ballistic and told him to get rid of it immediately.

So if anyone is in need of a penis enlarger let me know and I'll put you in touch. The penis enlargers name is Samantha, she's a 24 year old 38-24-38 part time pole dancer.......
Friend ain't that bright......................... Hello Samantha, goodbye Wifey
racedo is offline  
Old 5th Apr 2018, 23:59
  #11623 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: PA
Age: 55
Posts: 34
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Old 6th Apr 2018, 08:26
  #11624 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Wilts
Posts: 127
Just bought some toilet rolls from Tesco, they contain Coconut Oil.

Strange thing was there wasn’t a nut allergy warning on the wrapper.😏
DON T is offline  
Old 6th Apr 2018, 10:06
  #11625 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: The Fletcher Memorial Home
Age: 55
Posts: 302
Originally Posted by underfire View Post
Anyone a stress engineer? I'm thinking of the breaking strength on the thread holding the buttons on
Ogre is offline  
Old 6th Apr 2018, 10:09
  #11626 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 724
Thread? Surely it'll be wire...
jolihokistix is online now  
Old 6th Apr 2018, 10:13
  #11627 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Great South East, tired and retired
Posts: 2,824
...makes me start singing that song..."June is busting out all overrrrrr..."
Ascend Charlie is online now  
Old 6th Apr 2018, 11:13
  #11628 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: closer to hell
Age: 48
Posts: 904
Stress of gravity...those puppies will reach her navel when unleashed.
Saggy bags
troppo is offline  
Old 6th Apr 2018, 16:45
  #11629 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: UK
Age: 81
Posts: 698
I was standing next to a West Indian guy in the toilet the other day and couldn't help but notice his massive member.
He saw me looking and offered me a way to get a penis like his - tie a weight on the end and leave swinging for a week.
I did as he suggested and lo and behold after a week my penis looked like his....
It was black!
funfly is offline  
Old 6th Apr 2018, 16:52
  #11630 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Lestah
Posts: 162
My sexy Chinese neighbour told me earlier today that she was desperate for a roger.

It was only when I had my trousers around my ankles that I realised she wanted to rent her spare room out.
Local Variation is offline  
Old 6th Apr 2018, 17:41
  #11631 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: East of LGB
Age: 65
Posts: 618
Speaking of enlarging.....

I wrote the manufacturer of Viagra as they did not put an appropriate warning label on the packaging.

It seems that you should not be taking any type of Iron Supplement while using this drug.

I found out the hard way as for four hours I was standing in the bedroom pointing North.
11Fan is offline  
Old 7th Apr 2018, 00:40
  #11632 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811
ricardian is offline  
Old 7th Apr 2018, 02:01
  #11633 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Canada/Malaysia
Age: 80
Posts: 122
BlankBox is offline  
Old 7th Apr 2018, 07:56
  #11634 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: UK
Age: 81
Posts: 698
Speaking of Slasher.............
funfly is offline  
Old 7th Apr 2018, 08:33
  #11635 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Coasting South
Age: 65
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by ricardian View Post
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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Old 7th Apr 2018, 09:44
  #11636 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: The Fletcher Memorial Home
Age: 55
Posts: 302
Originally Posted by hiflymk3 View Post
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Tits like Coconuts

Sparrows like Bacon rind
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Old 7th Apr 2018, 09:52
  #11637 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Coasting South
Age: 65
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by Ogre View Post
Tits like Coconuts
Reminds me of an ex.
hiflymk3 is offline  
Old 7th Apr 2018, 10:34
  #11638 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 724
Hairy then?
jolihokistix is online now  
Old 8th Apr 2018, 07:01
  #11639 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
Age: 68
Posts: 913
Our dog ran away last night and after 30 minutes I still couldn't find it. When I told my wife, she said I should look harder.

So, I shaved my head, got some tattoos and piercings, but still can't find it.
sitigeltfel is offline  
Old 8th Apr 2018, 13:57
  #11640 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: australia
Posts: 28
Two retired gents at the bar, discussing nothing in particular. One says to the other, " I was watching telly the other day, did you know that lions have sex three times a day!"
All of a sudden his pal starts crying into his beer.
"What on earth is the matter?"
".....oh it's nothing, it's just the other day I joined rotary.."
thefeatheredone is offline  

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