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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 2nd Mar 2018, 20:36
  #11501 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Lestah
Posts: 159
My internet went down earlier today, so I had to have a conversation with the wife instead.

I was surprised to find out that she no longer works at Woolworths.
Local Variation is offline  
Old 2nd Mar 2018, 23:02
  #11502 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 583
No doubt...

Last edited by jolihokistix; 3rd Mar 2018 at 09:06.
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Old 3rd Mar 2018, 06:36
  #11503 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Back too the hot bits again
Posts: 75
I have heard its been so cold in the US that people have been wearing two pairs of pyjamas to Walmart
Ethel the Aardvark is offline  
Old 3rd Mar 2018, 08:59
  #11504 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 441
I heard that it was so cold in Washington that a politician was seen with his hands in his own pockets.
Hydromet is online now  
Old 3rd Mar 2018, 09:07
  #11505 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 583
Even the pork barrels have frozen over?
jolihokistix is offline  
Old 3rd Mar 2018, 09:30
  #11506 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: fairly close to the colonial capitol
Age: 51
Posts: 1,687
Originally Posted by Local Variation View Post
My internet went down earlier today, so I had to have a conversation with the wife instead.

I was surprised to find out that she no longer works at Woolworths.


The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday, is to forget it one time.

Beleaguered dad to son: Your mother and I were happy for 23 years. Then we met.
vapilot2004 is offline  
Old 3rd Mar 2018, 14:31
  #11507 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 803
ricardian is offline  
Old 3rd Mar 2018, 18:10
  #11508 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: San Jose
Posts: 726
I tried it, it does make things work faster. Now I have to work on the gold trick.
llondel is offline  
Old 3rd Mar 2018, 18:20
  #11509 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: last time I looked I was still here.
Posts: 4,513
The 6 P's applies to everything, even snow clearing.

RAT 5 is offline  
Old 3rd Mar 2018, 22:31
  #11510 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Back too the hot bits again
Posts: 75
I tried scraping the snow off my windscreen with my B & Q loyalty card.
it only removed 10 percent !!
Ethel the Aardvark is offline  
Old 3rd Mar 2018, 23:01
  #11511 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: North by Northwest
Posts: 336
Dog's Life

Apologies if this has been posted before.
Dog.jpeg
b1lanc is offline  
Old 4th Mar 2018, 13:21
  #11512 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Moscow, Russia
Posts: 1,022
Kulverstukas is offline  
Old 4th Mar 2018, 16:50
  #11513 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: apogee
Age: 64
Posts: 57
Went out for a round of golf early Friday morning but only managed to hit two good balls.


Stood on a rake.
meadowrun is online now  
Old 4th Mar 2018, 20:04
  #11514 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 803
ricardian is offline  
Old 4th Mar 2018, 20:15
  #11515 (permalink)  

Nigerian In Law
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Haven't been there, never done that.
Age: 60
Posts: 989
I was hit on the head by a bottle of Omega 3 pills today.
Luckily my wounds were only -
Super Fish Oil
Nigerian Expat Outlaw is offline  
Old 6th Mar 2018, 10:21
  #11516 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Currently within the EU
Posts: 315
Sallyann1234 is online now  
Old 7th Mar 2018, 09:51
  #11517 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: SW France
Age: 72
Posts: 571
Cliff was closer than he realised..
sidevalve is offline  
Old 7th Mar 2018, 17:29
  #11518 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 803
ricardian is offline  
Old 8th Mar 2018, 08:40
  #11519 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: 51.50N 1W (ish)
Posts: 1,008
Premature ejaculation isn't a joking matter, a friend is intensive care. For the past three days it's been touch and go....
Fitter2 is offline  
Old 8th Mar 2018, 10:08
  #11520 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: E.Wash State
Posts: 584
Well at a certain age, premature ejaculation is better than no ejaculation at all.
obgraham is offline  

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