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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 18th Feb 2018, 13:56
  #11441 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Cambridge, England, EU
Posts: 3,415
Originally Posted by ricardian View Post
Ah yes, reminds me of that scene in Life of Brian ... which my boys understood at a much younger age than I would have done.
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Old 18th Feb 2018, 16:38
  #11442 (permalink)  

Nigerian In Law
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Haven't been there, never done that.
Age: 60
Posts: 990
A husband and wife were sitting together after dinner one evening. The wife got up to go to the kitchen and as she did she stopped and bent over to pick up a piece of newspaper that had fallen on the floor. As she did her husband lovingly remarked
"Looks like you need to take some inches off your waist darling, maybe you should wash your clothes in Slim Fast".
In the morning as she was in the bathroom her husband opened the dresser drawer to get some clean underwear. He picked up a pair of boxers and shook them causing a small dust cloud. He called to his wife in the bathroom,
"Honey, why do I have talcum powder all over my underwear ?"
She replied,
"Oh, that's not talcum powder, it's Miracle Grow".
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Old 18th Feb 2018, 19:15
  #11443 (permalink)  
 
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Old 19th Feb 2018, 03:31
  #11444 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: San Jose
Posts: 726
Saw this one today:

Don't criticise your husband's choices. You were one of them
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Old 19th Feb 2018, 08:41
  #11445 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: spacetime
Posts: 256
Don`t get it. What is a beer crisper?
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Old 19th Feb 2018, 09:12
  #11446 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Germany
Age: 71
Posts: 1,560
Not a joke ....

Down at the bottom of the fridge is a clear plastic box marked "Crisper" that is used, obviously, to keep beer crisp (?). Anyway, it's perfect for storing beer, except the wife keeps putting stuff like celery and lettuce in there. I thought I was the only one with this problem.
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Old 19th Feb 2018, 09:45
  #11447 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Southport
Posts: 1,053
You're doing it wrong.

My beer fridge has no food in it, we have a separate fridge for that.
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Old 19th Feb 2018, 10:00
  #11448 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Norfolk
Posts: 205
Our fridge has a compost heap in it......
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Old 19th Feb 2018, 10:03
  #11449 (permalink)  
Gnome de PPRuNe
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Too close to Croydon for comfort
Age: 55
Posts: 5,635
Mine too, really need to eat that veggie stuff occasionally. Cider lives at the top where it's at eye-level, otherwise I might just forget...
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Old 19th Feb 2018, 11:11
  #11450 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
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Old 19th Feb 2018, 13:07
  #11451 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Farnham, Surrey
Posts: 1,191
I saw a headline on the BBC just now about the "GB women's curling team snatch".

Did I miss something good? Is it on iPlayer?

PDR
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Old 19th Feb 2018, 13:43
  #11452 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Farnham, Surrey
Posts: 1,191
I wonder if these two are related:

Iceland To Become First European Country To Ban Male Circumcision



Are the other supermarkets likely to follow suit? How do they propose to enforce it?

PDR
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Old 19th Feb 2018, 18:14
  #11453 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Yorks
Age: 59
Posts: 328
I said to my doctor, "Ive got a problem with the hearing in one of my ears."

He said, "Are you sure?"

I said, "Yes, I'm definite."
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Old 19th Feb 2018, 18:53
  #11454 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: fairly close to the colonial capitol
Age: 51
Posts: 1,687
What's the difference between a GP and a specialist?
One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.


3 docs are duck hunting when a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks up and says, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck... it's probably a duck," shoots, but misses and the bird flies away.

Another bird flies overhead, the pathologist looks up, then looks through his Audubon bird book, and says, "it's got green wings, a yellow bill, makes a quacking sound, might be a duck." He raises his gun, takes aim, but the bird is long gone.

A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, "Go see if that was a duck."
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Old 20th Feb 2018, 17:27
  #11455 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
Age: 67
Posts: 895
I watched in horror as a moped rider was mown down by a truck outside my house.

As a crowd gathered, I rushed outside and yelled "let me through, let me through!"

"Thank God" said a man, "are you a doctor?"

"No" I replied, "he was delivering my pizza!"
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Old 20th Feb 2018, 18:15
  #11456 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
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Old 20th Feb 2018, 19:33
  #11457 (permalink)  
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Old 21st Feb 2018, 00:28
  #11458 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Romford Essex
Posts: 22
What happened at KFC ?

D H L F C K D U P
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Old 21st Feb 2018, 03:34
  #11459 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Bahrain
Posts: 313
Meanwhile back on Skaro
Attached Images
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dalek.jpg (75.9 KB, 417 views)
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Old 21st Feb 2018, 07:47
  #11460 (permalink)  
Gnome de PPRuNe
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Too close to Croydon for comfort
Age: 55
Posts: 5,635
Sirwa69, that nicely updates this one which appeared in Punch:

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