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Friday Jokes

Jet Blast Topics that don't fit the other forums. Rules of Engagement apply.

Friday Jokes

Old 3rd Jan 2018, 13:31
  #11221 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Currently within the EU
Posts: 325
"I told the wife I was feeling horny this morning!"
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Old 3rd Jan 2018, 13:37
  #11222 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Farnham, Surrey
Posts: 1,204
Originally Posted by OPENDOOR View Post
Caption anybody?

"Well Doc, it started out as a small mole on my bum"

"I think that steak I had last night may have been a bit too rare..."

"Rare historic footage of the birth of Michael Gove"

PDR
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Old 3rd Jan 2018, 15:07
  #11223 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 4,651
That'll teach you to chop my tail off.
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Old 3rd Jan 2018, 15:16
  #11224 (permalink)  
Gnome de PPRuNe
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Too close to Croydon for comfort
Age: 55
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Someone call a vet - I can't get this damn wart off my horn...
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Old 3rd Jan 2018, 15:20
  #11225 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Surrey
Posts: 155
Dunno about a caption, but it would make a great book title: “Catch the bull by the horns”, by R Stornaway.
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Old 3rd Jan 2018, 15:27
  #11226 (permalink)  
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Age: 55
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The son ar$ehole rises
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Old 3rd Jan 2018, 15:48
  #11227 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Boston
Age: 68
Posts: 430
Talk about a lot of bull$hit.

To emergency room doctor: "I was standing on a ladder and fell pushing this horn up my rectum"

Google any list of ER excuses for "lost" toys if needed to understand that one...

From bull's expression:
This dude weighs more than I thought he would.

Last edited by MurphyWasRight; 3rd Jan 2018 at 15:53. Reason: Added one.
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Old 3rd Jan 2018, 15:53
  #11228 (permalink)  

Nigerian In Law
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Haven't been there, never done that.
Age: 61
Posts: 993
Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing standing up.

Finkelstein looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna tell his wife?" They cut cards. Goldberg picks the two of clubs and has to carry the news. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.

"Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me."

Goldberg goes over to the dead man's apartment and knocks on the door. His wife answers through the door and asks what he wants? Goldberg declares: "Your husband just lost $500 in a Poker game and is afraid to come home.

"Tell him to drop dead!" yells the wife.

"No problem - I'll let him know," says Goldberg.
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Old 3rd Jan 2018, 16:05
  #11229 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: london
Posts: 525
Luigi gets a job as a tour guide in his local village.

He takes the group to the harbour.
'You see all de boats in de harbour? Luigi built all those boats wiv is a bare
handsa. Do they call me Luigi da boat builder? No they donta call me Luigi da boat builder'.

He takes them to the village square.
'You see all de ouses in de square? Luigi built all those ouses wiv is a bare
handsa. Do they call me Luigi da ouse builder? No they donta call me Luigi da ouse builder'

He then takes them out to the fields.
'You see all de wheata in de fields? Luigi planted all that wheat wiv is a bare
handsa. Do they call me Luigi da farmer? No they donta call me Luigi da farmer'

'Luigi, he shaggada one sheep......'
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Old 3rd Jan 2018, 16:57
  #11230 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
Age: 67
Posts: 900
Originally Posted by OPENDOOR View Post
Caption anybody?

It claimed it was a proctologist, but I reckon that's a lot of bull.
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Old 3rd Jan 2018, 22:06
  #11231 (permalink)  
Está servira para distraerle.
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: In a perambulator.
Posts: 2
A caption for the novillo competition?

The Sun also Rises.
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Old 4th Jan 2018, 01:18
  #11232 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 633
A Ripping Yarn, by O. T. Handlebars.
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Old 4th Jan 2018, 01:37
  #11233 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: apogee
Age: 65
Posts: 59
I've been looking for a joke for this line:


Sancho Panza had a Donqui called Xote.
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Old 4th Jan 2018, 03:35
  #11234 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 633
A statue of the servant Sancho Panza on his donkey Hotay.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sancho...adrid)_10b.jpg
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Old 4th Jan 2018, 08:11
  #11235 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Surrey
Posts: 155
My wife just stopped, and said “You weren’t even listening, were you?”


I thought to myself, “That’s a very strange way to start a conversation......”.
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Old 4th Jan 2018, 09:25
  #11236 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: last time I looked I was still here.
Posts: 4,510
Tag-Youre-It.jpg

"No vegetarians were harmed in the making of this video."
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Old 4th Jan 2018, 11:16
  #11237 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Germany
Age: 72
Posts: 1,560
Don't even think about trying to top the master, Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra.

Sancho Panza's donkey was only known by its color, Rucio, meaning "Grey," sometimes translated as "Dapple."

Even Don Quijote's horse, Rocinante, merely bears a name meaning "First Nag," derived from "rocin," "nag," and "ante," "before," or "first."

There are two seemingly identical statuary groups showing the Don, Sancho, and their mounts. One is in Madrid and the other is in Brussels, not far from the Gare Centrale.

There's also a rather fine statue of Bela Bartok in the same square in Brussels as the statuary group. If you find yourself on the way from the station to the Grand Place you might want to take a small detour and visit the square: https://izi.travel/en/c025-spain-squ...ancho-panza/en
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Old 4th Jan 2018, 12:41
  #11238 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: QLD - where drivers are yet to realise that the left lane goes to their destination too.
Posts: 2,155
Bull: Now how am I ever going to get the s#$t off the end of that horn?
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Old 4th Jan 2018, 14:55
  #11239 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Boston
Age: 68
Posts: 430
On taking the bull (not by the) horns:

No matter what the Doc says this is what a prostate check really feels like.
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Old 4th Jan 2018, 15:32
  #11240 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 633
The Spanish itch.

“Aaaahhhh... yes, just there, no, a little more to the right, please.”
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