Go Back  PPRuNe Forums > PPRuNe Social > Jet Blast
Reload this Page >

Friday Jokes

Jet Blast Topics that don't fit the other forums. Rules of Engagement apply.

Friday Jokes

Old 13th Nov 2017, 14:10
  #11021 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: near an airplane
Posts: 1,427
One day at kindergarten the teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds,
"I'll give $5 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous
man who ever lived."
A little Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick."
The teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct."
Then a little Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St.
Andrew."
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either."
Finally, a little Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus
Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Marvin. Come up here and
I'll give you the $5." As the teacher was giving Marvin his money,
she said, "You know, Marvin, since your're Jewish, I was very surprised
you said 'Jesus Christ'."
Marvin replied, "Well, in my heart I knew it was Moses, but business
is business."
Jhieminga is online now  
Old 14th Nov 2017, 17:59
  #11022 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 1999
Location: Swindon, Wilts,UK
Posts: 563
Originally Posted by Dont Hang Up
Which reminds me of another old one...

An old jewish toyshop owner was once asked what he did on Christmas Day, it not being a jewish holiday.

"Well I gather the family and we all go down to the shop together. Then we stand in front of all of the empty shelves and sing 'Oh what a friend we have in Jesus' "
In the Dave Allen version it was two verses of 'Oh what a friend we have in Jesus' and then fly off to the Caribbean for a fortnight!
Windy Militant is offline  
Old 14th Nov 2017, 20:19
  #11023 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 507
Then there was the hellfire temperance preacher who wound up his sermon with "If I had my way, all the beer in Brisbane would be poured off the Storey Bridge!" He then asked if anyone had a favourite hymn to close with. A drunk up the back suggested "Shall we gather at the river."
Hydromet is offline  
Old 14th Nov 2017, 20:57
  #11024 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Here
Age: 43
Posts: 13
Have you noticed how many F1 drivers have names linked to Scottish towns?

Stirling Moss.
Lewis Hamilton.
Eddie Irvine.
Ayr Town centre.
BadgerGrowler is offline  
Old 15th Nov 2017, 07:54
  #11025 (permalink)  
Just another erk
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Germany
Age: 73
Posts: 280
Asmy wife and I lay in bed together, I felt the tension in the air.
She then folded her arms and huffed, "You never make the first move",
"Jesus!" I said as I rolled my eyes "Every night it's the samething",
"Well you don't!" she moaned "It's always me and quite franklyI'm fed up with it. And before you start, it's nothing to do with you beingblack",
"It is" I said,
"No, it isn't" she said,
"You know what?" I said as I jumped out of the bed, "You canstick the f**king chessboard up youíre a*se".

ArthurR is offline  
Old 15th Nov 2017, 10:28
  #11026 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: England
Posts: 343
Originally Posted by Dont Hang Up View Post
I think I've been there! Isn't it just at the top of Graham Hill?
It's not easy to get up there. It's covered in Hawthorn.
Sallyann1234 is online now  
Old 15th Nov 2017, 11:29
  #11027 (permalink)  
TWT
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: troposphere
Posts: 704
As told to me by a Jewish girl from NYC I spent a day with aeons ago while backpacking in Switzerland :

Q: What's the definition of a Jewish dilemma ?

A: A free ham
TWT is offline  
Old 15th Nov 2017, 13:20
  #11028 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Hanging off the end of a thread
Posts: 16,692
It's not easy to get up there. It's covered in Hawthorn.
What you need is some Senna, that will get you moving..
NutLoose is online now  
Old 15th Nov 2017, 14:25
  #11029 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: England
Posts: 343
Originally Posted by NutLoose View Post
What you need is some Senna, that will get you moving..
Washed down with Campari. Prost!
Sallyann1234 is online now  
Old 15th Nov 2017, 14:57
  #11030 (permalink)  
Gnome de PPRuNe
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Too close to Croydon for comfort
Age: 56
Posts: 6,159
I didn't quite catch that. Lauda please...
treadigraph is online now  
Old 15th Nov 2017, 15:54
  #11031 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Surrey
Posts: 155
Or this.......
Attached Images
gruntie is offline  
Old 15th Nov 2017, 19:20
  #11032 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Wilts
Posts: 127
Superman, Cinderella and Pinocchio decide to have a weekend in Amsterdam. When they go out for the night they find many bars with different themes.

At one bar there is a sign saying free beer to the strongest man and his party.í

Go for it Superman say Cinderella and Pinocchio. 15 minutes later Superman comes out and says of course I won, free beer tomorrow night for us all.

About 200 metres down the street there is another sign saying free beer for the prettiest girl and her friends. Go on Bcinderella they say, you are beautiful.30 minutes later Cinderella comes smiiing saying I won free beer for us.

200 metres down the street there is a sign saying free beer for the worlds biggest liar. They say your a natural Pinocchio. He goes in and 60 minutes later comes out crying and rubbing his eyes. The two others ask, ĎDid you win?í

No Pinocchio said, Iím really upset.

WHO THE HELL IS TONY BLAIR?
DON T is offline  
Old 15th Nov 2017, 19:38
  #11033 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Hanging off the end of a thread
Posts: 16,692
Originally Posted by treadigraph View Post
I didn't quite catch that. Lauda please...
Groan, that was absolutely Gasly
NutLoose is online now  
Old 15th Nov 2017, 20:33
  #11034 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Coasting South
Age: 65
Posts: 54
Originally Posted by treadigraph View Post
I didn't quite catch that. Lauda please...
Oh Button up!
hiflymk3 is online now  
Old 15th Nov 2017, 20:46
  #11035 (permalink)  
Gnome de PPRuNe
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Too close to Croydon for comfort
Age: 56
Posts: 6,159
I'll have to Hunt for some better ones... I Raikkonen there's still a few more.
treadigraph is online now  
Old 15th Nov 2017, 21:00
  #11036 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Coasting South
Age: 65
Posts: 54
No, it's going down Hill from here.
hiflymk3 is online now  
Old 15th Nov 2017, 21:09
  #11037 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Hanging off the end of a thread
Posts: 16,692
Originally Posted by hiflymk3 View Post
No, it's going down Hill from here.
Would that be the Chiltons?
NutLoose is online now  
Old 15th Nov 2017, 21:14
  #11038 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: East Sussex
Posts: 443
Cobblers! Ooops, I meant shoe makers..... Sorry, I'm just being a lazy so and so, but I do Phil Hill gazing out of the window morbidelli.. when someone stuck a stiff needell in me, Bob said Joe Kelly, when Jo seifferted
Icare9 is online now  
Old 15th Nov 2017, 23:12
  #11039 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 675
Max a cup of tea then and a ham sandwich, and let's light some jos sticks, it stinks in here.
jolihokistix is offline  
Old 16th Nov 2017, 00:13
  #11040 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Great South East, tired and retired
Posts: 2,664
F1, F 'em all.
Ascend Charlie is offline  

Thread Tools
Search this Thread

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information

Copyright © 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.