Friday Jokes

[I16]

Peking duck tonight!


At a travel agency in Shanghai, I asked the Chinese girl
behind the counter if she could escort me on a city tour
and asked her for her mobile number so I could call her
to make arrangements.

She gave me a big smile, nodded her head and said,
"Sex sex sex, wan free sex for tonight".

I replied, "Wow, you Chinese women are really hospitable!”

A guy standing next to me overheard, tapped me on the
shoulder and said, "What she really said was: 666136429.

[Ethel the Aardvark]

Hollywood are making an action movie about the great classical composers.
Bruce Willis says he wants to play Beethoven.
Sylvester Stallone says he want to play Mozart

And Arnold Schwarzenegger says "in that case I'll be Bach "

[Flyingbadge]

Browsing through ebay and saw someone had listed a bottle of Chinese Tippex.

The seller reckons its a corrector's item.

[lomapaseo]

I've counted those ducklings a number of times and every time I get a different result.
Are there 12 ?

count the toes and divide by 6.

if you get an odd number you miscounted

[Rather be Gardening]

Or you're in Norfolk.

[underfire]

count the toes and divide by 6.

ducks have toes?????

[OntimeexceptACARS]

Tippex gag

Originally Posted by Flyingbadge

Browsing through ebay and saw someone had listed a bottle of Chinese Tippex.

The seller reckons its a corrector's item.

Reminded me of the time I dropped a litre bottle of Tippex.

Big mistake.

[sitigeltfel]

After the outbreak of Norovirus at the World Athletics Championships, the baton in the 4x100 metres relay is to be replaced with a toilet roll.

[RAT 5]

And the Labrador puppy wins.

[llondel]

Originally Posted by sitigeltfel

After the outbreak of Norovirus at the World Athletics Championships, the baton in the 4x100 metres relay is to be replaced with a toilet roll.

Added incentive for the 100m - 8 runners, 7 toilet stalls positioned at the finish line.

[Rather be Gardening]

Old Mrs Cohen was walking home through the park after a hard day's work sewing in her son's tailoring emporium. Suddenly, a flasher stepped out in front of her and opened his coat. Mrs C looked at him scornfully and said,

"You call that a lining?"

[hiflymk3]

Originally Posted by llondel

Added incentive for the 100m - 8 runners, 7 toilet stalls positioned at the finish line.

Why 7 when 1 would do?

[sitigeltfel]

Originally Posted by hiflymk3

Why 7 when 1 would do?

Less work for the stadium cleaning staff?

[Shack37]

After the outbreak of Norovirus at the World Athletics Championships, the baton in the 4x100 metres relay is to be replaced with a toilet roll.

I guess you saw Matt´s cartoon in yesterdays Daily Telegraph.

[ricardian]

[llondel]

Originally Posted by sitigeltfel

Less work for the stadium cleaning staff?

That was my thought, too.

[sitigeltfel]

[ricardian]

[funfly]

After the outbreak of Norovirus at the World Athletics Championships,

When you gotta run, you gotts run.

[ricardian]