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Friday Jokes

Old 23rd Jun 2017, 16:35
  #10381 (permalink)  
 
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Old 23rd Jun 2017, 17:05
  #10382 (permalink)  
 
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Why it's not a good idea to mix 3 inch bricks with 65mm bricks.

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Old 23rd Jun 2017, 17:29
  #10383 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by ricardian View Post

Which reminds me that at about the age of eight or so my paternal grandfather managed to persuade me that coconuts were bear eggs.
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Old 23rd Jun 2017, 18:33
  #10384 (permalink)  
 
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Why it's not a good idea to mix 3 inch bricks with 65mm bricks.
Nothing wrong with that. It's only because the string was a bit slack.
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Old 23rd Jun 2017, 18:49
  #10385 (permalink)  

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Compared to a nice pair of Bristols?
Rhyming slang ...... Bristol City ......
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Old 23rd Jun 2017, 19:12
  #10386 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ricardian View Post
Why it's not a good idea to mix 3 inch bricks with 65mm bricks.

As it happens I chatted with a brickie fixing a wall outside the Mess at Kinloss 40 years ago. It was his job to make a silk purse from the MPBW sow's ear. He did an expert job and he was rather more than a brick slinger.
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Old 23rd Jun 2017, 20:01
  #10387 (permalink)  
 
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A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice - her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to her surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces. They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a small gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head.
The wife asked the man, "Do you live here?"
"No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there, freeing me from that little bottle. I am so grateful!" he answered.
The husband asked, "Are you a genie?"
"Oh, why, yes I am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two wishes, and the third I will keep for myself," the man replied.
The husband and wife agreed on two wishes - one was for a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of £1,000,000 per year forever.
The genie nodded his head and said, "Done!"
The genie now said, "For my wish, I would like to have my way with your wife. I have not been with a woman for many years, and after all, I made you a scratch golfer and a millionaire."
The husband and wife agreed.
After the genie and wife were finished, the genie whispered to the wife, "How long have you been married?"
To which she responded, "Three years."
The genie asked, "How old is your husband?"
To which she replied, "He's 31 years old."
The genie then said, "And how long has he believed in this genie crap?"
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Old 23rd Jun 2017, 20:44
  #10388 (permalink)  
 
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Going back a page or two (I only look at Friday jokes on Fridays), and the discussion of plurals....

I have had a Ford Focus or two. But is the singular of Focus: Focme?
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Old 23rd Jun 2017, 21:34
  #10389 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by LGS6753 View Post
Going back a page or two (I only look at Friday jokes on Fridays), and the discussion of plurals....

I have had a Ford Focus or two. But is the singular of Focus: Focme?
Yes, but in the past tense using the plural, you could say, 'Focthem'.
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Old 24th Jun 2017, 07:26
  #10390 (permalink)  
 
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Old 24th Jun 2017, 08:57
  #10391 (permalink)  
 
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Old 24th Jun 2017, 10:19
  #10392 (permalink)  
 
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Old 24th Jun 2017, 20:19
  #10393 (permalink)  
 
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Quote:
I have had a Ford Focus or two. But is the singular of Focus: Focme?
Yes, but in the past tense using the plural, you could say, ' Focthem'

The photographer set up his camera in front of the Ladies College Graduation Class, then went under the black cloth. "What's he doing ?" one girl asked her friend. "He's going to focus," was the reply. "What ! all of us ?"
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Old 24th Jun 2017, 21:55
  #10394 (permalink)  
 
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Old 24th Jun 2017, 22:38
  #10395 (permalink)  
 
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With Credit to ExSp33db1rd

Re: your excellent "Focus" tale. Same is told in the southeastern United State with a politically incorrect twist: the photographer's subjects are two ladies of the dusky persuasion. Having set aperture and shutter speed, the photographer pauses momentarily and then ducks beneath the black cloth. "What he tryin' to do?", asks LaTonya. "He jus' tryin' to focus!", exclaims Tawanda. "Boffus??", says a baffled LaTonya....

Ed
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Old 25th Jun 2017, 10:13
  #10396 (permalink)  
 
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When I heard the joke (some 50+ years ago!), it was two girls from Birmingham on the sea front in Weymouth.....
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Old 25th Jun 2017, 19:15
  #10397 (permalink)  
 
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I think it originated on a seaside postcard.
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Old 25th Jun 2017, 19:31
  #10398 (permalink)  
 
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Fox Talbot surely!
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Old 25th Jun 2017, 21:00
  #10399 (permalink)  
 
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Agressive pig! It's in the Mirror so it must be true
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Old 26th Jun 2017, 01:01
  #10400 (permalink)  
 
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A woman buys a pair of crutchless knickers in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life...

She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the lounge suite opposite Bruce.

At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs and slowly recrosses them …

Finally Bruce asks:
”Are you wearing crutchless knickers?”

“Y-e-s,” she answers with a seductive smile.

“Thank Christ for that …. I thought the stuffing was coming out of the lounge suite.”
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