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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 15th Jun 2017, 21:23
  #10321 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Canada/Malaysia
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BlankBox is offline  
Old 15th Jun 2017, 23:35
  #10322 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Penzance, Cornwall UK
Age: 80
Posts: 32
"I met with Pope Francis today. He's a really great pope; great, great pope. You know he's the leader of the Catholic Church; big church. I couldn't believe it when he told me how many Catholics there are. Way more than I thought. They have churches all over the world; some are very, very close (so close) to my hotels and golf courses.
"He took me into the Sistine Chapel. Beautiful ceiling. I don't think too many people even know about this place. The paintings are great, I'm telling you. The Pope (great guy, by the way, knows more about the Bible than almost anybody, we got along great, I think he really likes me) told me the whole thing was painted by this young Italian; I think his name is Michael Angelo. At least that's what Francis (we're great friends) called him, I think. Trust me, we're going to hear more about him. He's really artistic, and everybody tells me I have the greatest eye for the bestest art. I told Frank I'd like to buy some of Mike's art. I asked him if Mike's done anything on velvet. He'll check (great guy). I'll hang his stuff at Mar-a-Lago or Trump Tower. He needs more exposure. He's too much with the churches. He could paint my presidential portrait on the Capitol Dome. Or maybe a mural on my big, beautiful border wall, but just on our side.
"Unbelievable. The fake media is at it again. I just saw something on TV that Michael died 450 years ago. Sad. I've already got some people looking into this and you won't believe what they're finding."
Rosevidney1 is offline  
Old 16th Jun 2017, 10:19
  #10323 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Currently within the EU
Posts: 335
You know, that could almost be true.
Sallyann1234 is online now  
Old 16th Jun 2017, 12:04
  #10324 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 484
Originally Posted by Sallyann1234 View Post
You know, that could almost be true.
You mean it isn't?
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Old 16th Jun 2017, 12:15
  #10325 (permalink)  
 
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Old 16th Jun 2017, 12:52
  #10326 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Not where I want to be
Age: 66
Posts: 236
My wife just ordered me to remove coffee and snot from her precious Persian carpet. Will reread PDR1's joke as soon as I've finished.
Per
Ancient Mariner is online now  
Old 16th Jun 2017, 14:25
  #10327 (permalink)  
Tabs please !
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Biffins Bridge
Posts: 709
Q. How do you know it's Wimbledon fortnight ?


A. British Airways cabin crew to stage two-week strike - BBC News
B Fraser is offline  
Old 16th Jun 2017, 22:37
  #10328 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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ricardian is offline  
Old 17th Jun 2017, 10:47
  #10329 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 809
A SILLY STORY

Mummy Balloon and Daddy Balloon have a little Baby Balloon and for the first few weeks, he sleeps in the same bed with Mummy Balloon and Daddy Balloon, but as he grows older and bigger, Daddy Balloon insists he sleeps in his own bed. Baby Balloon doesn't like being all alone, he misses his Mummy and Daddy, so much that after a few nights he tries to sneak back into Mummy Balloon and Daddy Balloon's bed, only to find that he had grown too big to fit in the bed with them. He decides to let some air out of Mummy Balloon, but there's still not enough room, so he let's some air out of Daddy Balloon, but again there's not enough room, so he lets some air out of himself and finally he fits into the bed.
Well, the following morning Daddy Balloon is furious.
"I am very disappointed with you." says Daddy Balloon, "Not only have you let your Mother down but you've let me down and you've let yourself down!"
ricardian is offline  
Old 17th Jun 2017, 19:22
  #10330 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,207
"I am very disappointed with you." says Daddy Balloon, "Not only have you let your Mother down but you've let me down and you've let yourself down!"
and this joke let me down
lomapaseo is offline  
Old 17th Jun 2017, 20:22
  #10331 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Between a Rock and a Hard Spot
Posts: 199
Stolen from another thread.

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump.

I said, "Don't do it!"
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes."
I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me, too! What franchise?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912."

I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
HEMS driver is offline  
Old 17th Jun 2017, 23:20
  #10332 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Currently within the EU
Posts: 335
This might please certain posters here...

Sallyann1234 is online now  
Old 18th Jun 2017, 02:28
  #10333 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 656
ricardian, you've let us all down this time.
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Old 18th Jun 2017, 04:12
  #10334 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Hillsgrove
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by HEMS driver View Post
Stolen from another thread.
Since you bring it up...



https://www.theguardian.com/stage/20...omedy.religion
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Old 18th Jun 2017, 19:18
  #10335 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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ricardian is offline  
Old 18th Jun 2017, 19:34
  #10336 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 67
ricardian, you've let us all down this time.
Pay no attention ricardian, I thought it was quietly amusing.
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Old 19th Jun 2017, 10:18
  #10337 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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ricardian is offline  
Old 19th Jun 2017, 19:05
  #10338 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
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ricardian is offline  
Old 20th Jun 2017, 06:24
  #10339 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 809
Thank you to the "fans of ricardian", I shall endeavour to maintain the standards
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Old 20th Jun 2017, 10:02
  #10340 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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