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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 18th May 2017, 17:38
  #10161 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811
When my dad found out I had a imaginary girlfriend he said "You can do better than that."
I said "Thank you."
He said "I was talking to the girl."
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Old 19th May 2017, 13:03
  #10162 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811
The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple onboard, so she reports it to the Captain immediately.
“Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot and sexy, female passenger onboard, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous!”
The captain responds, “Patricia, I’ve told you this before. This is Air Force One...”
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Old 19th May 2017, 14:44
  #10163 (permalink)  
Paid...Persona Grata
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Between BHX and EMA
Age: 74
Posts: 236
I thought it was going to be "Haven't you seen Rupert and Jerry before?"
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Old 19th May 2017, 21:43
  #10164 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
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Old 19th May 2017, 21:48
  #10165 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Permanent Newbie
Posts: 24
Originally Posted by UniFoxOs View Post
I thought it was going to be "Haven't you seen Rupert and Jerry before?"
Any one who thinks Jerry fits into the "very pretty, hot and sexy, female passenger onboard" I have only one thing to say...........

"Should have gone to Specsavers"
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Old 20th May 2017, 02:23
  #10166 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: San Jose
Posts: 726
If eyesight is that bad, how does one find Specsavers in the first place?

Last edited by llondel; 20th May 2017 at 04:03. Reason: Typo
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Old 20th May 2017, 04:05
  #10167 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: San Jose
Posts: 726
Piercing scream: the noise emitted by a (usually female) parent on seeing the new piece of jewellery in the teenage offspring's tongue, lip or eyebrow.
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Old 20th May 2017, 12:57
  #10168 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811
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Old 20th May 2017, 19:47
  #10169 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Just over the road from Bicester airfield
Age: 77
Posts: 370
Or other unnaturally delicate body part, applies to both male & female offspring.
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Old 20th May 2017, 20:23
  #10170 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811
The cosmetics companies have stopped doing their LD50 testing on rats, and are now using accountants. There are two reasons for this:
1. Accountants will do things no self-respecting rat would ever do.
2. You can get to like a rat.
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Old 20th May 2017, 21:28
  #10171 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
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Old 21st May 2017, 00:42
  #10172 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Texas
Age: 61
Posts: 5,527
Originally Posted by ricardian View Post
Dad's feeding their sons
ricardian, that picture depicts child abuse. Someone's stolen the baby's beer bottle and replaced it with a bottle of milk. Father obviously negligent.
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Old 21st May 2017, 04:33
  #10173 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 701
Which dad's?
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Old 21st May 2017, 06:55
  #10174 (permalink)  
Paid...Persona Grata
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Between BHX and EMA
Age: 74
Posts: 236
Which dad's?
Which dad's what?
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Old 21st May 2017, 07:24
  #10175 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: England
Posts: 349
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Old 21st May 2017, 21:26
  #10176 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811
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Old 22nd May 2017, 02:38
  #10177 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 701
Originally Posted by UniFoxOs View Post
Which dad's what?

Which dad's... bottle, er, baby?
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Old 22nd May 2017, 08:52
  #10178 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: A little south of the "Black Sheep" brewery
Posts: 394
'Dad' possesses 'feeding'? That is a weird sentence! Almost a joke on it's own.
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Old 22nd May 2017, 10:46
  #10179 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wild West Yorkshire
Age: 58
Posts: 3
Dad's feeding their babies
<pedantmode>
The apostrophe is correct in this context: Dad's feeding his baby
</pedantmode>
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Old 22nd May 2017, 11:41
  #10180 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Farnham, Surrey
Posts: 1,259
Originally Posted by Random SLF View Post
<pedantmode>
The apostrophe is correct in this context: Dad's feeding his baby
</pedantmode>
<pedantmode>
No it isn't. Even if it was trying to agree with "babies" it would need to be the plural-posessive form (Dads') rather than the singular. But in this sentence the possessive is indicated by the "their", and a possessive "dad's" would be refering to the subject "feeding" (which is clearly balls).
</pedantmode>

Well you started it...

PDR
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