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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 24th Apr 2017, 18:01
  #10001 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Southampton
Posts: 690
Sorry to be a pedant.
But then that would be a lot of polishing and a lot of apple sales...


However, I've found out the reason that women ask so many questions. They have an extra why chromosome.......
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Old 25th Apr 2017, 13:04
  #10002 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Farnham, Surrey
Posts: 1,270
I was down at the gym this morning when I noticed a hole in my trainer, just big enough to get my finger into...

Anyway she's now made a formal complaint and I'm banned for life!

PDR
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Old 26th Apr 2017, 08:13
  #10003 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: PA
Age: 55
Posts: 34
Friday Jokes 2017

Well, since the last thread has about 500,000 posts (with 100,00 repeats)

How about a new thread for 2017...well, close to second quarter 2017, but in honor of a full moon..

Cheers!
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Old 26th Apr 2017, 08:18
  #10004 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: PA
Age: 55
Posts: 34
wonder why the fries taste so good?

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Old 26th Apr 2017, 08:37
  #10005 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 735
Old jokes can either grow better in the telling over the years, like an old brandy, or grow weaker like a used teabag.

Some people tell a good old joke badly, in which case maybe they should have some more brandy, or even more brandy, and leave the telling to someone else.
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Old 26th Apr 2017, 08:59
  #10006 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: last time I looked I was still here.
Posts: 4,509
Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate added to maintain natural colour.

There are ladies who spend squllions on make up creams that are supposed to do the same thing. I would suspect that SAP is vastly cheaper. Volunteers? then I can make a fortune selling at at 1000% mark-up and still beat Vichy & Nivea.
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Old 26th Apr 2017, 09:32
  #10007 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Australia
Age: 58
Posts: 16
A man walked into a bar with his crocodile. He said I can't afford a drink but barman here is a bet, if the crocodile opens his jaws and I put my todger in and leave it there and hit it on its head, will you stand me a drink? Barman says ok. Bloke does as he says and hits crocodile, no effect so he gets his drink. Bar erupts in cheers.

Ok, anyone else like to try this he asks, or should I have another drink?

Little old lady at the back of the bar puts her hand up.
Lady you don't understand, you have no todger.
Oh, that's alright but please don't hit my head too hard.

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Old 26th Apr 2017, 13:52
  #10008 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: PBI
Posts: 215
That was quick one funny and one repeat! All in 3 posts! Wowza!
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Old 26th Apr 2017, 14:23
  #10009 (permalink)  
TWT
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: troposphere
Posts: 724
Louietheflyer, the same joke was posted a mere 3 days ago on the original thread

http://www.pprune.org/9749397-post10021.html
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Old 26th Apr 2017, 15:32
  #10010 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: West Wiltshire, UK
Age: 67
Posts: 378
Originally Posted by TWT View Post
Louietheflyer, the same joke was posted a mere 3 days ago on the original thread

http://www.pprune.org/9749397-post10021.html
Now, by the magic of the internet, this thread...............
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Old 26th Apr 2017, 15:59
  #10011 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 647
Louietheflyer - I think you have a bite.
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Old 26th Apr 2017, 17:04
  #10012 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 7
Just adding a comment for no particular reason
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Old 26th Apr 2017, 19:46
  #10013 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: A little south of the "Black Sheep" brewery
Posts: 419
A new meaning to 'thread drift': where the thread 'drifts' off to join up with an older one!!

If someone starts a '2018 Friday Jokes' thread, will the future drift off to join up with the past?

Just thinking!
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Old 26th Apr 2017, 22:35
  #10014 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Australia
Age: 58
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by oxenos View Post
Louietheflyer - I think you have a bite.
oxenos - You just need the right bait and present it in a natural way.
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Old 27th Apr 2017, 04:37
  #10015 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 735
Getting it onto the same page was good!
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Old 27th Apr 2017, 06:53
  #10016 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Tamworth, UK / Nairobi, Kenya
Posts: 612
Even better than getting it on the same page, was getting it the first message and the last message on the same page.
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Old 27th Apr 2017, 08:11
  #10017 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Yorks
Age: 60
Posts: 328
BREAKING NEWS

The inventor of the jug sadly passed away this afternoon.

Tributes are pouring in.
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Old 27th Apr 2017, 08:24
  #10018 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
Age: 68
Posts: 912
I've just finished reading a brilliant book titled, "How to avoid getting ripped off".

Best 200 I have ever spent!
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Old 27th Apr 2017, 09:41
  #10019 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 647
Louietheflyer
[QUOTE]oxenos - You just need the right bait and present it in a natural way.[/QUOTE

And a suitable target
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Old 27th Apr 2017, 10:48
  #10020 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811
I was feeling ill and lying on the sofa staring out of the window when I thought I saw a sausage fly past the window. Looking more closely I saw that it was really a seabird. I'd obviously taken a tern for the wurst.
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