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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 15th Mar 2017, 10:50
  #9741 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
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Old 15th Mar 2017, 21:09
  #9742 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: last time I looked I was still here.
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Jesus: she must have long arms, or does the Ferrari have a length adjusting steering wheel. She also reminds me of a very fat guy's comment on why he can't play golf. "if I put the ball where I can see it I can't hit it; if I put it where I can hit it I can't see it. Where's the bar?"
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Old 15th Mar 2017, 22:49
  #9743 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Here
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An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Sundance, Wyoming for a shave and a haircut. He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin .
When he's finished , the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years , but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball. The barber replied : 'Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does'
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Old 15th Mar 2017, 23:18
  #9744 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Permanent Newbie
Posts: 50
Friend of Slasher's ?
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Old 16th Mar 2017, 00:07
  #9745 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
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Cowboy dismounts off his horse outside the bar. He walks around to the rear of his horse, wipes his arm along the foamy sweaty inner thighs of the horse and runs his lips along his arm.
"Whaddya do that for" asks a guy watching in horrified fascination.
"Ah got chapped lips" replied the cowboy.
"Does that cure it" asks the guy"
"Nope, but it stops me licking 'em".
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Old 16th Mar 2017, 00:37
  #9746 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
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Old 16th Mar 2017, 14:44
  #9747 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: UK
Age: 81
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Blankbox...I really cant understand it.
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Old 16th Mar 2017, 15:17
  #9748 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Following the sun and skiing... No snow involved just Spending the Kids Inheritance!
Age: 76
Posts: 175
Blankbox...I really cant understand it.
Not just me then?
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Old 16th Mar 2017, 15:51
  #9749 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Tamworth, UK / Nairobi, Kenya
Posts: 612
funfly and Tigger4Me
"send us a picture of your junk"
have you ever looked at a picture of someone else's "junk"? besides those found on porn sites? not for the faint of heart.
Something you see once by accident and never want to see again, even never want to ever talk to the bloke again.
I'm just saying, not that I've actually looked at a picture of someone else's junk before.
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Old 16th Mar 2017, 15:51
  #9750 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: California
Posts: 344
"Junk".... a euphanism for a certain part of the anatomy...
f
fleigle is offline  
Old 16th Mar 2017, 15:54
  #9751 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Following the sun and skiing... No snow involved just Spending the Kids Inheritance!
Age: 76
Posts: 175
Okay, but that's a new one on me. I obviously need to get out more!
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Old 16th Mar 2017, 16:01
  #9752 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Confoederatio Helvetica
Age: 65
Posts: 2,846
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don't_touch_my_junk





X
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Old 16th Mar 2017, 19:46
  #9753 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: East of Edenbridge
Age: 59
Posts: 97
Circular runways

April 1st has arrived a little early. Sorry for the aviation content but Friday jokes was the only place for this from the BBC;

Think again: Will circular runways ever take off? - BBC News
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Old 16th Mar 2017, 20:00
  #9754 (permalink)  
Resident insomniac
 
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Circular Runways.
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Old 16th Mar 2017, 20:44
  #9755 (permalink)  

Gentleman Aviator
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Teetering Towers - somewhere in the Shires
Age: 71
Posts: 3,447
From the Urban Dictionary:

Junk

1. Seemingly useless rubbish which sits around for months and is inevitably disposed of the day before it is needed.

2. A reference to something of little or no value

3. The male genitalia

4. A kind of chinese boat

5. Heroin
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Old 16th Mar 2017, 23:11
  #9756 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: The Smaller Antipode
Age: 85
Posts: 42
"Junk".... a euphanism for a certain part of the anatomy...
so what would the "free estimate" comprise of ?
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Old 17th Mar 2017, 00:26
  #9757 (permalink)  
Gnome de PPRuNe
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Too close to Croydon for comfort
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Posts: 6,603
so what would the "free estimate" comprise of ?
How about "It looks like Mother Nature wasn't very kind to you..."
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Old 17th Mar 2017, 01:02
  #9758 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Canada/Malaysia
Age: 80
Posts: 122
...this one REALLY ewwww...

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Old 17th Mar 2017, 11:08
  #9759 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Under the flight path
Posts: 2,260
From my 9-yr old grandson:

What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head?
- Sister Matic

What do you call a man with leaves on his head?
- Russell
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Old 17th Mar 2017, 11:23
  #9760 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Budapest
Posts: 0
"What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head? - Sister Matic"

Hmmm, very un-convent-ional!
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