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Friday Jokes

Jet Blast Topics that don't fit the other forums. Rules of Engagement apply.

Friday Jokes

Old 16th Jan 2017, 09:19
  #9441 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Yellowknife
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Well it didn't take long for that to do the circuit!
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Old 16th Jan 2017, 10:02
  #9442 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Currently within the EU
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This really Hertz, so I'm going to switch off and watch Morse.
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Old 16th Jan 2017, 10:02
  #9443 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: near an airplane
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Let's just say it sparked my interest.
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Old 16th Jan 2017, 10:07
  #9444 (permalink)  
 
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Location: uk
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Unlike most of the jokes on this thread, at least this lot are current.
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Old 16th Jan 2017, 10:15
  #9445 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Moscow, Russia
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Originally Posted by pulse1 View Post
Unlike most of the jokes on this thread, at least this lot are current.
Not only current but even have some capacity to induce more potential ones...
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Old 16th Jan 2017, 10:23
  #9446 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Perth - Western Australia
Age: 70
Posts: 1,806
Newspaper Error Correction of the Week ...

"We apologise for the error in last weeks paper, in which we stated that Mr Arnold Dogsbody was a defective in the N.S.W. Police Force.
We meant, of course, that Mr Arnold Dogsbody is a detective in the N.S.W. Police Farce."
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Old 16th Jan 2017, 12:19
  #9447 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Hertfordshire
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Originally Posted by onetrack View Post
I just can't wait to hear more of these electrifying jokes.
I seem to remember that Milly Henry frequently came to her induction ceremonies on a megacycle.
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Old 16th Jan 2017, 12:26
  #9448 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Moscow, Russia
Posts: 1,022
Originally Posted by Allan Lupton View Post
I seem to remember that Milly Henry frequently came to her induction ceremonies on a megacycle.
Based on this Nyquist and Shannon can restore half of her band she came width.
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Old 16th Jan 2017, 12:58
  #9449 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: .
Posts: 31
Litz stop all this electrical pun nonesense. It's not a patch on the fish ones.
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Old 16th Jan 2017, 13:05
  #9450 (permalink)  
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Age: 55
Posts: 5,848
Wire on earth are we still doing these? Fish puns? Electric eel...
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Old 16th Jan 2017, 13:35
  #9451 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: MerryEngland
Posts: 54
The three phases is a song by Jen O'Rator and the turbines.
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Old 16th Jan 2017, 14:21
  #9452 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Switzerland
Posts: 52
6. I cant believe there are children here. Are we in Asda?

Many moons ago, on Radio 4, in a discussion about the then new supermarket, ASDA, and its 'cheap & cheerful' approach, the inimitable Alan Coren mused, ' I quite like ASDA.....keeps the riff-raff out of Waitrose'.
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Old 16th Jan 2017, 18:04
  #9453 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Age: 76
Posts: 807
For those with a vivid imagination...

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Old 16th Jan 2017, 18:29
  #9454 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: UK
Posts: 1,521
LOL Thanks Ricardian.

Now I won't ever be able to see anything but a rabbit on skis when I see this photo!!
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Old 16th Jan 2017, 18:49
  #9455 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Europe
Age: 44
Posts: 74
Originally Posted by pulse1 View Post
Unlike most of the jokes on this thread, at least this lot are current.
No joke but "aviation" and "current" content: I am watching a documentary on German TV. It's about highway speed control in Iowa from the air. The name of the pilot: Michael Current
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Old 16th Jan 2017, 20:24
  #9456 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: last time I looked I was still here.
Posts: 4,510
Kids spend all their time playing on tablets, phones & laptops. They were asked what would happen if their devices all became battery dead and the electricity went off; what would they do?
"watch television."

I give up.
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Old 16th Jan 2017, 22:46
  #9457 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 1999
Location: Swindon, Wilts,UK
Posts: 563
Right back to the starts with a W ends in K and is a type of self abuse. Yes, it's Work!

Back in the 1970s a traffic copper was coming to the end of his shift on his Norton Interplod. As he headed for the station to clock off he was passed by a lad on a clapped out motor bike driving as if all the hounds of hell were after him. A brief chase ensued and the copper pulls over the hapless lad.
Ello, ello ,ello Mr Sheene where's the fire then?
The young lad looks desperate and replies to the copper "Please I'm late for work and they'll sack me and I really need the job and....." At this point the copper stops him and says
" Right laddie what's yer name and where do you work"?
Er it's Wankbreak officer, Alan Wankbreak and I work at Bollocks Ball Bearings sir.
The copper is about to tear into him for taking the piss when the lad produces his driving licence and there on it in green and white was A Wankbreak.
At this the copper decides that it's not worth the aggravation and the grief he'd get from the Sargent, so having given the lad a stiff talking to lets him get off.
While finishing off his paperwork in the canteen he notices a Yellow Pages and decides to see if the lad was telling the truth, and lo and behold he discovers that there is indeed a firm called Bollocks Ball Bearings.
So he calls them up and asks
Do You have A Wankbreak
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
And the guy replies A Wankbreak,FK off we don't get a Fg tea break!
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Old 17th Jan 2017, 00:45
  #9458 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: E.Wash State
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Yes that joke appeared 35 years ago, dealing with an employee named Sexauer.
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Old 17th Jan 2017, 07:48
  #9459 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Temporarily unsure of my position
Posts: 106
What a relief then to see that the jokes are getting younger
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Old 17th Jan 2017, 10:28
  #9460 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Dortmund
Age: 50
Posts: 63
Speaking of old jokes...

I was in the VIP lounge last week en route to Seattle. Whilst in the lounge, I noticed Bill Gates sitting on the Chesterfield enjoying a cognac.

I was meeting with a very important client who was also flying to Seattle with me but she was running a bit late.

Being a forward type of guy, I approached Mr Gates and introduced myself. I explained to him that I was conducting some very important business and how I would appreciate it if he could throw a quick "hello, Chris" at me when I was with my client. He agreed.

Ten minutes later while I was conversing with my client, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates. I turned around and looked up at him. He said "Hi Chris, what's happening?"

To which I replied "F*ck off Gates, I'm in a meeting."
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