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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 25th Nov 2016, 12:52
  #9041 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Farnham, Surrey
Posts: 1,215
What's the stupidest animal in the jungle?

The polar bear.
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Old 25th Nov 2016, 13:32
  #9042 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Austria
Posts: 675
Worlds shortest joke:

A pilot walked past a bar.
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Old 25th Nov 2016, 17:27
  #9043 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Middle America
Age: 80
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Old 26th Nov 2016, 01:17
  #9044 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 491
PDR1, that is a beauty. I'll try to remember it to tell my Granddaughter.
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Old 26th Nov 2016, 06:36
  #9045 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 668
Shorter still?

A Swatch-wearing pilot.
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Old 26th Nov 2016, 08:05
  #9046 (permalink)  
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Lincolnshire
Age: 76
Posts: 16,646
Or the whine of a Harrier pilot as the Turbine winds down

Last edited by Pontius Navigator; 26th Nov 2016 at 10:36.
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Old 26th Nov 2016, 11:24
  #9047 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: UK
Posts: 43
Just saw this, quite funny. If it has posted before then I apologise.

Buttock Tattoo Terror Lands Rotherham Pair In Hospital | The Rotherham Bugle
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Old 26th Nov 2016, 12:31
  #9048 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Norfolk
Posts: 237
One of the funniest and most brilliant pieces of reporting I've read in some time. The author should be writing for a major paper (other than the Daily Wail).
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Old 26th Nov 2016, 14:47
  #9049 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Farnham, Surrey
Posts: 1,215
I came second in a Fidel Castro lookalike competition. Close, but no cigar.
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Old 26th Nov 2016, 14:48
  #9050 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Farnham, Surrey
Posts: 1,215
Castro: I will not die until America is destroyed!

Trump: I'm gonna be the president.

Castro: My work here is done...
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Old 26th Nov 2016, 23:41
  #9051 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Farnham, Surrey
Posts: 1,215
Do you appear in the form of water droplets?

Are you found on grass and windows in the morning?

If so, you may be dew condensation...
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Old 27th Nov 2016, 09:12
  #9052 (permalink)  
Paid...Persona Grata
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Between BHX and EMA
Age: 74
Posts: 236
DD thay is so funny. I especially like :-

plus size model Tracey Munter (23)
No photo, but I bet she is!

One wonders if that number is her age - or dress size.
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Old 27th Nov 2016, 10:32
  #9053 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: North Queensland, Australia
Posts: 2,869
That's it, no more mainstream newspapers for me - the Rotheram Bugle will be bringing me all the news I need from now on.
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Old 27th Nov 2016, 11:56
  #9054 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Austria
Posts: 675
Originally Posted by Basil
The chap in the bunk next to me thought it was great and decided to have a go himself.
As he shoved his cigarette lighter under the sheets, I was just a split second too late shouting "No, not like that!"
His mini fuel/air weapon performed as one would imagine: the sheets rose briefly and he screeched something but, rolling around laughing, we weren't sure what.
Did he become eligible for a Darwin Award, having endangered his twig and berries like this?
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Old 27th Nov 2016, 13:10
  #9055 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: near an airplane
Posts: 1,356
I was kept awake last night as the neighbour kids were playing about with their cars until the early morning hours, constantly revving the engines of their Mazda sports cars.

A real bunch of wankels.
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Old 27th Nov 2016, 19:49
  #9056 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Darkest Surrey
Posts: 6,043
I was kept awake last night as the neighbour kids were playing about with their cars until the early morning hours, constantly revving the engines of their Mazda sports cars.
Mate who lived in housing block in West London years ago had that problem.
Then he saw Axel Foley shoving a banana in a cop cars exhaust in Beverly Hills cop.
Also discovered expading foam same week.
It was later claimed that at least 5 of the elderly residents living there saw him with the foam,. They liked the peace and quiet more so nobody ever knew.
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Old 27th Nov 2016, 19:53
  #9057 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: avro country
Age: 68
Posts: 174
A spud does a better job and dosen't half go with a bang.
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Old 28th Nov 2016, 14:51
  #9058 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 810
They must have some VERY scary dogs

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Old 28th Nov 2016, 20:18
  #9059 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
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Old 28th Nov 2016, 20:27
  #9060 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Wherever someone will pay me to do fun stuff
Posts: 1,137
They must have some VERY scary dogs
Given the links to Pendle Hill it must be an easy mistake to make..........if it is a mistake, of course.
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