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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 14th Oct 2016, 18:37
  #8761 (permalink)  
 
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A professor at the University of Mississippi was giving a lecture on Involuntary Muscular Contractions to his first year medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your A**-hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?

She replied, 'Probably deer hunting with his buddies.'
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Old 16th Oct 2016, 12:15
  #8762 (permalink)  
 
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Old 16th Oct 2016, 13:21
  #8763 (permalink)  
 
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Old 16th Oct 2016, 17:37
  #8764 (permalink)  
 
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Nice one, PDR.
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Old 16th Oct 2016, 19:52
  #8765 (permalink)  
 
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Old 17th Oct 2016, 14:18
  #8766 (permalink)  
 
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ricardian

you always come up with some good ones
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Old 17th Oct 2016, 16:49
  #8767 (permalink)  
 
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Delta crew refused to believe black woman was a doctor during emergency

Didn't want to post this in the News thread:
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Old 17th Oct 2016, 21:07
  #8768 (permalink)  
 
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...maybe could post it in idiots for Trump thread??
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Old 17th Oct 2016, 21:25
  #8769 (permalink)  
 
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Why is that black guy trying to castrate that kkk fellow?
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Old 17th Oct 2016, 22:34
  #8770 (permalink)  
 
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Old 17th Oct 2016, 22:59
  #8771 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
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An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the
85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
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Old 18th Oct 2016, 09:32
  #8772 (permalink)  
 
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Had to be done.

Apologies for this
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Old 18th Oct 2016, 11:41
  #8773 (permalink)  
 
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French: …Sixty-seven, sixty-eight, sixty-nine, sixty-ten…
Other language: **stares**
French: **stares back**
French: …sixty-eleven, sixty-twelve, sixty-thirteen…
French: …sixty-sixteen, sixty-ten-seven…
Other language: **shutting eyes**
French: …sixty-ten-eight, sixty-ten-nine…
Other language: **hands over face**
French: …four twenties! Four twenties one…
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Old 18th Oct 2016, 17:48
  #8774 (permalink)  
 
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In the Suisse Romande...

Sixty-nine, Seventy (Septante)
Seventy-nine, Eighty (Huitante)
Eighty-nine, Ninety (Nunante)

Also in Belgium, I believe.

But you did forget: Four-Twenties-Ten-Nine, or Nunante-neuf in these here parts.

Last edited by ExXB; 18th Oct 2016 at 18:26.
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Old 18th Oct 2016, 17:51
  #8775 (permalink)  
 
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Well in [I think] danish 50 is halvtredsindstyve, which means "(one half less than three) times twenty" ie 2½ x 20 = 50. In practice it's always abbreviated to halvtreds, so those wacky Danes actually say "two and a half" when they mean "fifty".

PDR
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Old 18th Oct 2016, 17:58
  #8776 (permalink)  
 
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Old 18th Oct 2016, 22:12
  #8777 (permalink)  
Psychophysiological entity
 
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What a difference a crease makes . . .
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Old 19th Oct 2016, 00:52
  #8778 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: The Smaller Antipode
Age: 85
Posts: 15
.
.......Nunante-neuf in these here parts.
I never got past soixante-neuf.
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Old 19th Oct 2016, 02:24
  #8779 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
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I never got past soixante-neuf.
You should try soixante-treize. That's soixante-neuf with quatre people watching.
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Old 19th Oct 2016, 02:50
  #8780 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
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Did you hear about how the Russians bombed an aid convoy?


BOOM BOOM
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