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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 2nd Aug 2016, 19:59
  #8441 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: eastcoastoz
Age: 72
Posts: 1,703
Here's one the girls would like...


Ten Reasons why Computers are Male.

1. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
2. A better model is always just around the corner.
3. They look nice and shiny - until you bring them home.
4. It is always necessary to have a backup.
5. They'll do whatever you say, as long as you push the right buttons.
6. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
7. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
8. The lights are on, but nobody's home.
9. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
10. Size does matter.


Now, who was it that said that women are silly?
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Old 2nd Aug 2016, 21:24
  #8442 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807
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Old 3rd Aug 2016, 04:39
  #8443 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Pattaya, Thailand
Age: 59
Posts: 216
I called my girlfriend 'My little Viking Queen' once.
She asked if it was because she resembled Scandinavian royalty.
I said 'No, it's because you've got a face like a Norse'.
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Old 3rd Aug 2016, 17:07
  #8444 (permalink)  
RJM
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Orstralia
Posts: 295
I come from a town in Ireland where everyone has the surname Ryan. I mean it. Literally everyone. So they differentiated families by adding their professions to their names. Anyway, we're the Horse Thief Ryans.
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Old 3rd Aug 2016, 17:10
  #8445 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: south of Cirencester, north of Lyneham
Age: 72
Posts: 1,243
I suppose the local barber was known as 'Ryan air'?
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Old 3rd Aug 2016, 18:53
  #8446 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Following the sun and skiing... No snow involved just Spending the Kids Inheritance!
Age: 75
Posts: 175
You mean this one radeng?:

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Old 4th Aug 2016, 11:14
  #8447 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807
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Old 4th Aug 2016, 11:59
  #8448 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Confoederatio Helvetica
Age: 64
Posts: 2,847
ricardian,
Is that a joke?
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Old 4th Aug 2016, 17:10
  #8449 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: morayshire
Posts: 768
EXXB !!.....

......look wot it sez on the ammo box. A cue ......

The Ancient Mariner

PS Yes, I know it is only slightly amusing but - c'mon a wee smile??
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Old 4th Aug 2016, 21:43
  #8450 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807
Just to confirm that this isn't a joke, it's an illustration..

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Old 4th Aug 2016, 22:42
  #8451 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Lestah
Posts: 159
I told my son 'You will marry the girl I choose'

My son said 'No way!'

I told him 'She is Bill Gates daughter'

He said 'Ok'

I called Bill Gates and told him 'I want your daughter to marry my son'

Bill Gates said 'No way!'

I told him 'My son is the CEO of World Bank'

Bill Gates said 'Ok'

I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son CEO.

He said 'No way!'

I told him 'My son is Bill Gates son-in-law'

He said 'Ok'
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Old 5th Aug 2016, 00:57
  #8452 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: south of Cirencester, north of Lyneham
Age: 72
Posts: 1,243
Ricardian,

#8463

It might be believable if she was blonde.........
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Old 5th Aug 2016, 00:59
  #8453 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: south of Cirencester, north of Lyneham
Age: 72
Posts: 1,243
Tigger,

I guess that's the one. Looks good to me.......
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Old 5th Aug 2016, 09:28
  #8454 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807
My wife is always saying that I am a miser so to prove her wrong we went out for tea & biscuits. It was quite exciting as she's never given blood before.
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Old 5th Aug 2016, 15:09
  #8455 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Middle America
Age: 79
Posts: 1,147
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Old 5th Aug 2016, 15:55
  #8456 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: spacetime
Posts: 259
The maternity ward is the only place where men don`t think of sex
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Old 5th Aug 2016, 16:03
  #8457 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807
There are some very ingenious folk around
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Old 5th Aug 2016, 17:48
  #8458 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Middle America
Age: 79
Posts: 1,147
And some are farmers:

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Old 5th Aug 2016, 21:34
  #8459 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,176
My tolerance level goes way up if sex is involved



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Old 6th Aug 2016, 09:45
  #8460 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 166
The Russians say they have been unfairly targeted in the olympics

I think some of their team have been banned for no reason
Click on the petition below to help this young lady compete


Last edited by Nervous SLF; 6th Aug 2016 at 23:12.
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