Go Back  PPRuNe Forums > PPRuNe Social > Jet Blast
Reload this Page >

Friday Jokes

Jet Blast Topics that don't fit the other forums. Rules of Engagement apply.

Friday Jokes

Old 30th Jul 2016, 09:20
  #8421 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: last time I looked I was still here.
Posts: 4,509
doesn't it depend on the number of attempts vs sucesses?

Beware the onset of Repetitive Stress injury.
RAT 5 is offline  
Old 30th Jul 2016, 14:46
  #8422 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 809
ricardian is offline  
Old 30th Jul 2016, 15:09
  #8423 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
Age: 68
Posts: 902
When I got home the other night there was a note on the fridge from the wife which read, "Its not working anymore, I've gone home to mother".

I new she was wrong, because when I opened the door, the light came on and the beer was cold.
sitigeltfel is offline  
Old 30th Jul 2016, 15:25
  #8424 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: NV
Age: 71
Posts: 147
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small
tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is
that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?' The birch says he cannot
tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if
that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, 'It is
neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the
best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.
IBMJunkman is offline  
Old 31st Jul 2016, 17:18
  #8425 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Forced retirement
Posts: 1,157
I enter the kitchen. Do you think she is trying to tell me something?

[IMG][/IMG]
blue up is online now  
Old 31st Jul 2016, 18:59
  #8426 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Texas
Age: 60
Posts: 5,406
Perhaps that you've overcooked the bangers?
Lonewolf_50 is offline  
Old 31st Jul 2016, 19:11
  #8427 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: East of LGB
Age: 64
Posts: 620
Do you think she is trying to tell me something?
Banger Arse?
11Fan is online now  
Old 31st Jul 2016, 21:55
  #8428 (permalink)  
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Lincolnshire
Age: 76
Posts: 16,622
Fred's mates asked if was up for their regular Saturday fishing trip. Can't he said, wedding anniversary and wife wants me home for something special.

Next day they go to their regular spot and there is Fred. How come they asked?

"Well, I got home, she was dressed in black undies, stockings, the lot. She said she had been reading 50 shades of grey and wanted to try things out. I was to blindfold her, I did. I was to hand cuff her and strap her to the bed, I did. Then she said I could do whatever I like.

So here I am."
Pontius Navigator is offline  
Old 1st Aug 2016, 08:44
  #8429 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: inv
Posts: 277
Pulled into the services to fill up the car today,and didn't realise I'd splashed some petrol on the sleeve of my jacket.
Pulls out onto the motorway and went to light a cigarette,well my arm only ended up catching fire didn't it,so I stuck my arm out the window to try and blow it out,I dI'd this as a police car was overtaking me.
End result,they charged me with being in posession of an unlicensed fire arm
scr1 is offline  
Old 1st Aug 2016, 13:57
  #8430 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,207
Passwords Again

Probably a repost, but if I can't remember than most of the readers probably won't either

USER: boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

USER: 1 boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.

USER: 50damnboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character

USER: 50DAMNboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.

USER: 50damnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourRearIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNo w!
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

USER: ReallyPissedOff50DamnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourRearIfYouDont GiveMeAccessNow

WINDOWS: Sorry , that password is already in use
lomapaseo is offline  
Old 1st Aug 2016, 21:18
  #8431 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Edinburgh
Age: 81
Posts: 45
True story (you couldn't make it up!)
"Your password must contain at least 0 non alpha-numeric characters"
After trying every conceivable permutation and combination, plus some inconceivable ones, I rang the relevant government department help line.
"We know, it's an IT fault."
And the same government website has FOUR different spellings of "mandatory". Perhaps the items under the mis-spelt ones are not compulsory?
And who has the time to fill in sections which are not manditry/manditory/mandatry/mandatory anyway?

So sorry, no jokes here (except the competence of government employees), please move along.
DType is offline  
Old 2nd Aug 2016, 02:06
  #8432 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Texas
Age: 60
Posts: 5,406
Originally Posted by DType View Post
So sorry, no jokes here (except the competence of government employees), please move along.
That's a laugh riot, right there. (So why am I weeping?)
Lonewolf_50 is offline  
Old 2nd Aug 2016, 02:47
  #8433 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: PA
Age: 55
Posts: 35
underfire is offline  
Old 2nd Aug 2016, 11:44
  #8434 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 809
A woman bought a mirror from an antiques store near her home. She placed it on the bath room door.
One day when she got out the shower she decided to have a laugh. She says to the mirror: "Mirror mirror on my door make my bustline 44"
There was a great flash of light and when she looked her breasts they were size 44.
She ran down the stairs excitedly to tell her husband.
Then her husband ran up the stairs crossed his fingers and said to the mirror: "Mirror mirror on my door make my penis touch the floor"
Again was the flash of light and his legs dropped off.
ricardian is offline  
Old 2nd Aug 2016, 16:13
  #8435 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wild West Yorkshire
Age: 57
Posts: 3
So sorry, no jokes here (except the competence of government employees), please move along.
A colleague of mine was giving delivery post code details to a government employee recently, using phonetic alphabet. At "H for Hotel" she was asked "Which hotel?"
Random SLF is offline  
Old 2nd Aug 2016, 16:29
  #8436 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: south of Cirencester, north of Lyneham
Age: 72
Posts: 1,243
A number of retired civil servants I know tell me they despair of the quality of staff hired these days. Gone, they tell me, are the old Civil Service entrance exams, and entrants with degrees are frequently illiterate and innumerate and lacking in common sense......

But they can use a computer....
radeng is offline  
Old 2nd Aug 2016, 16:36
  #8437 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: West Wiltshire, UK
Age: 67
Posts: 369
Originally Posted by radeng View Post
A number of retired civil servants I know tell me they despair of the quality of staff hired these days. Gone, they tell me, are the old Civil Service entrance exams, and entrants with degrees are frequently illiterate and innumerate and lacking in common sense......

But they can use a computer....
They are right. I interviewed dozens (possibly over 100) graduates in the last 20 years or so of my career. We only interviewed reasonable graduates (2.1 or above) and the very poor level of basic numeracy and literacy I saw from most was a joke (or would be if it wasn't indicative of falling education standards).

The majority would never have either passed the Civil Service entrance exam or would have survived long enough to get before an Establishment Board, and so be entitled to a pension.

Last edited by VP959; 2nd Aug 2016 at 17:22. Reason: typo - "get" in wrong place.................
VP959 is online now  
Old 2nd Aug 2016, 16:57
  #8438 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: last time I looked I was still here.
Posts: 4,509
But they can use a computer....

They can put data in, but have no idea if the output is garbage or not. And no doubt if it was they'd blame the computer.
RAT 5 is offline  
Old 2nd Aug 2016, 17:35
  #8439 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Following the sun and skiing... No snow involved just Spending the Kids Inheritance!
Age: 75
Posts: 175
A gentleman, completing a form to submit to a government department, filled the address field with, "P.T.O."

Some months later, when I accessed the record on the computer, I noticed the data inputter had completed the address as 'P.T.O.' rather than turn the form over to read what the applicant had actually filed.

I guess that if you're sitting at a desk all day doing such a mundane task, then you switch off and move into auto mode.
Tigger4Me is offline  
Old 2nd Aug 2016, 19:30
  #8440 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Forced retirement
Posts: 1,157
I guess that if you're sitting at a desk all day doing such a mundane task, then you switch off and move into auto mode.
20 years on shorthaul. I agree.
blue up is online now  

Thread Tools
Search this Thread

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information

Copyright 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.