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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 10th Jul 2016, 05:42
  #8341 (permalink)  
 
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Services were disrupted by a seismic event this morning.
No casualties or property damage have yet been reported, however a suspicious sink-hole has appeared in the main street.
Police are looking into it.
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Old 10th Jul 2016, 12:33
  #8342 (permalink)  
 
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In some older airliners, entry to the sleeping quarters is only through a “secret” hatch that looks just like a standard overhead storage bin…that eats flights attendants. This one in particular can be found on American Airlines Boeing 777-300.
Yum, yum.
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Old 10th Jul 2016, 15:39
  #8343 (permalink)  
 
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Failed with the maths joke, image disappeared for some reasons. Here's a canine one



Last edited by ricardian; 11th Jul 2016 at 15:28. Reason: Original image vanished!
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Old 10th Jul 2016, 18:17
  #8344 (permalink)  
 
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“Dumb British blond f***s 15 million people at once”

Poor old Borris !
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Old 10th Jul 2016, 20:58
  #8345 (permalink)  
 
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Help!

This is really embarrassing - a joke on JB I don't understand. Two, in fact.

Finally, after years of living in denial, a horse walks into an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
What's that about?

And while we're at it, what's the joke in underfire's last entry?

Should I seek professional help?
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Old 11th Jul 2016, 00:43
  #8346 (permalink)  
 
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Axefurabz

PM and invoice for services sent
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Old 11th Jul 2016, 15:58
  #8347 (permalink)  
 
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The theme of the costume party was "Dress as an emotion". It was in full swing when the hostess went to answer a knock at the door. On opening it, she found standing on the step, her neighbour covered in green body paint, and the neighbours huge African boyfriend holding a bowl of creamy yellow liquid into which his penis was dipped. A quizzical eyebrow was raised to which the neighbour replied, "I'm green wiith envy", followed by the boyfriend who proffered "and I'm f%#kin' dis custard!"
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Old 11th Jul 2016, 16:29
  #8348 (permalink)  
 
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All bull
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Old 11th Jul 2016, 18:33
  #8349 (permalink)  
 
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Old 11th Jul 2016, 19:21
  #8350 (permalink)  
 
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Traffic_Is_Er_Was

Many thanks - payment will follow!

I still think it's down to the way they were told ...anyway, I'm off to get a life!
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Old 12th Jul 2016, 09:03
  #8351 (permalink)  
 
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A quizzical eyebrow was raised to which the neighbour replied, "I'm green wiith envy", followed by the boyfriend who proffered "and I'm f%#kin' dis custard!"
Traffic, the way I heard that one there was another big African bloke prior to the custard man who was naked apart from having his penis inserted in a pear - when asked what emotion he was supposed to be portraying, he replied "I'm deep in dis pear!"
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Old 12th Jul 2016, 10:06
  #8352 (permalink)  
 
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It's been a long time since I've heard that one, and there were a couple of variations. I couldn't remember any of the other emotions portrayed, except for envy. Thanks for jogging the memory.
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Old 12th Jul 2016, 12:38
  #8353 (permalink)  
 
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If you want to hear the WENDY p£n&s joke just ask. It may have already found its way into the previous volumes on this topic.
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Old 12th Jul 2016, 12:54
  #8354 (permalink)  
 
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Old 13th Jul 2016, 00:17
  #8355 (permalink)  
 
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His date smiled sweetly and concluded "I'm the five of clubs."
Small point of order, but if you really think about it, red shoes and gloves and the five of HEARTS would be a little more likely
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Old 13th Jul 2016, 07:20
  #8356 (permalink)  
 
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With the prevailing Brazilian influence, a four of anything would be more realistic.
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Old 13th Jul 2016, 12:44
  #8357 (permalink)  
 
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Old 13th Jul 2016, 15:39
  #8358 (permalink)  
 
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^^^

It's the only wet pussy I've seen in ages...
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Old 13th Jul 2016, 15:46
  #8359 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by Sue Vêtements View Post
Small point of order, but if you really think about it, red shoes and gloves and the five of HEARTS would be a little more likely
Brunette is brown hair that most typically (in my experience) has a matching black(or dark enough brown so as not to matter) lower companion: red head and I'll I agree with you ... if she's a natural red head. Might change the joke for my next offering so that she's a ginger.
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Old 13th Jul 2016, 17:39
  #8360 (permalink)  
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I've just arrived at one of
those Swiss suicide clinics. It's costing me
£44,000, do you know what the bastards have given me for
breakfast this morning? Bloody Cheerios.
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