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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 22nd Jan 2015, 13:45
  #6521 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: egsh
Posts: 415
I have this really cracking joke to share:

A bloke goes into a pub and says....

Oh, shit, I have just realised that the joke is about somebody, who may or not be offended, but he may know somebody who will be offended. Or somebody he does not know from Adam may be offended on his behalf.

So, sorry folk, can't share the joke with you. Tough. Close down the thread; it clearly is an anachronism.
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Old 22nd Jan 2015, 13:50
  #6522 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Somerset, UK
Age: 70
Posts: 82
I am deeply offended by the term "bloke" to describe homo sapiens of the male gender, this a deeply sexist and offensive term. Please delete your post immediately so that others will not faint with horror.
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Old 22nd Jan 2015, 13:56
  #6523 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,897
Close down the thread
Now you've offended me!


How does every muslim joke start?

By looking over your shoulder.
Fox3WheresMyBanana is offline  
Old 22nd Jan 2015, 13:58
  #6524 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: egsh
Posts: 415
Only if you desist from using the evil word "gender"
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Old 22nd Jan 2015, 13:59
  #6525 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Perth - Western Australia
Age: 70
Posts: 1,803
One night a woman with a newborn baby spotted her husband standing over their baby's cot.
She watched him silently and unobtrusively, with curiosity.

As he stood there, looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions;
Disbelief, amazement, enchantment, scepticism, and intense study.

Touched by this display and the deep emotions he was showing, she moved into the baby's room and slipped her arm around her husband.

"A penny for your thoughts", she whispered.

"It's utterly amazing, and beyond all understanding", he said.

"It's got me stuffed how anyone could build a cot like this for 19.99!!"
onetrack is offline  
Old 22nd Jan 2015, 14:02
  #6526 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: egsh
Posts: 415
Now you've offended me!
This egocentricity shows a total lack of inclusiveness..

You can't just go around talking about "me" as if you were the only life form on earth, you know.

(Do you mind if I call you "you"?) If so, I will back down, of course.
wings folded is offline  
Old 22nd Jan 2015, 14:13
  #6527 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,897
You can't just go around talking about "me" as if you were the only life form on earth, you know
Of course I can.

Lieutenant George: "My God!"
Captain Flashheart: "Yes, I suppose I am."

Fox3WheresMyBanana is offline  
Old 22nd Jan 2015, 14:29
  #6528 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Oneonta, NY
Age: 64
Posts: 52
the offending word on the menu is surely nothing more sinister than a badly used spell-checker?
malcolm380 is offline  
Old 22nd Jan 2015, 14:36
  #6529 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Nirvana
Posts: 112
Calm down everyone, calm down

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STIvNjWobzA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpYbK588nB0
Cyber Bob is offline  
Old 22nd Jan 2015, 17:21
  #6530 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: East of Edenbridge
Age: 58
Posts: 83
New thread; Ken Borough jokes.

I cannot see how anyone could be offended by this. Surely the joke is on the person who doesn't know the difference between Aborigines and aubergines.
The sort of person who thinks erudite is a type of glue.

Mustn't be too hard on Ken, he obviously has a balanced personalty; a chip on both shoulders.

Next...
OPENDOOR is offline  
Old 22nd Jan 2015, 17:25
  #6531 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: In transit
Age: 66
Posts: 3,059
The sort of person who thinks erudite is a type of glue.
This is the type of person who is offended by the use of the word 'niggardly' or 'despicable'.
Capetonian is offline  
Old 22nd Jan 2015, 17:42
  #6532 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Texas
Age: 60
Posts: 5,337
Cape: the last guy who called my friend Abel a spic got a fat lip.
Lonewolf_50 is offline  
Old 22nd Jan 2015, 17:59
  #6533 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: England
Posts: 577
For a "joke" thread, there are some particularly unfunny posts over the last few pages. Could I suggest those with a limited sense of humour just not view it, or is that too simple a solution? It's not rocket science.


Sorry I'm not actually contributing a joke in a vain attempt to get the thread back on track, but I'm still trying to decide whether faked outrage is appropriate.
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Old 22nd Jan 2015, 18:07
  #6534 (permalink)  

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Location: Oklahoma City, Oklahoma USA
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Posts: 2,394
For a "joke" thread, there are some particularly unfunny posts over the last few pages. Could I suggest those with a limited sense of humour just not view it, or is that too simple a solution? It's not rocket science.

I agree, lets get back to jokes.

Please.

Hell, somebody just might have a joke that we have not seen before a couple of dozen times.
con-pilot is offline  
Old 22nd Jan 2015, 18:40
  #6535 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: egsh
Posts: 415
A horse goes into a bar, goes up to the counter and asks for a beer. The barman, a tiny bit sursprised that the horse can speak, serves him a beer. The horse sips his beer, and when finished says "I'll have another"

Barman is a little bit doubtful that the horse can actually pay, so says "Of course, but you have to pay for the first one before I serve a second"

"Fair enough, how much is it?"

"Fifteen dollars/euros/pounds (depends where you are if you are not yet bored)

The horse pays, and the barmen serves the second beer.

The atmosphere is a little strained, so the barman says "You know, we do not get too many talking horses in here"

Horse replies: "With a beer at 15 dollars/euro/pounds I am not frecking surprised"

Points will be awarded to:

1) whoever can pin down the date of the first appearance of this joke
2) whoever can accurately identify how many times the joke has already been posted on this thread
3) who could define those who could be offended by this joke (that ken bloke is not allowed to play)
wings folded is offline  
Old 22nd Jan 2015, 18:49
  #6536 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: UK
Age: 81
Posts: 696
Back to jokes
funfly is offline  
Old 22nd Jan 2015, 18:55
  #6537 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Coasting South
Age: 64
Posts: 47
I asked the wife where she would like to go for a holiday.


'Somewhere hot and where I've never been before.' She replied.


'Try the kitchen'.


Disclaimer


I have no intention of offending women, travel agents, kitchen sales people, foreigners who live in hot countries or the comedian who I pinched the joke from.
hiflymk3 is offline  
Old 22nd Jan 2015, 19:06
  #6538 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: In transit
Age: 66
Posts: 3,059
The sort of person who thinks erudite is a type of glue.

Mustn't be too hard on Ken, he obviously has a balanced personalty; a chip on both shoulders.
Perhaps Ken's chips are glued to his shoulders with Erudite?
Capetonian is offline  
Old 22nd Jan 2015, 19:14
  #6539 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2008
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Like Tutankhamun's beard ? Who knew they had epoxy 1300 years BC.....


Tutankhamun's beard glued back on, say Egyptian museum conservators | World news | The Guardian
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Old 22nd Jan 2015, 19:20
  #6540 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: East of LGB
Age: 64
Posts: 620
A Rabbi, a Priest and a Pastor walk into a bar.

The bartender says "Hey, what is this? Some kind of joke?"
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