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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 21st Feb 2013, 17:39
  #2621 (permalink)  
 
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Old 21st Feb 2013, 20:10
  #2622 (permalink)  
t7a
 
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At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring
at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.
Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a
pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble
interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.
He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual
emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white,
patriarchal society. 'In fact', he pointed out, 'some serious critics
believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and
sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary
society'.

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said,
'Would you like to know what the painting is really about?'
'Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of
the gallery', asked the couple?
'Because I am the artist, who painted the picture,' he replied.
'In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.

They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch
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Old 22nd Feb 2013, 02:18
  #2623 (permalink)  
 
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And there we were, caught out in Flagrante. So we protested "Why not.. when in Rome. . ."
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Old 22nd Feb 2013, 09:48
  #2624 (permalink)  

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" My wife doesn't go to the toilet. It bloody well comes to her."
I seem to remember a story about a Royal Jobby in the Sergeants' Mess at RAF Benson.
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Old 22nd Feb 2013, 09:51
  #2625 (permalink)  
 
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a Royal Jobby
that's being a little harsh about Prince Edward....
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Old 22nd Feb 2013, 13:09
  #2626 (permalink)  
 
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Friend of mine many years ago was a pilot on the royal flight and once, when HM was on board, one of her dumps was 'rescued' and raffled between the crewe.
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Old 22nd Feb 2013, 13:13
  #2627 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by Fantome View Post


Well you cannot say he has not taken a keen interest down the years.
In 'Straight and Level', back when conducted by the oh so droll Roger Bacon,
there was a photo of the man at the controls of the taxpayer's 748. Ever aware of the publicity shot he has turned around to look at the camera.
The expression on his face is slightly quizzical. In the frame is a goodly proportion of the panel. Caption read - "Either the left engine has failed,
or it's a quarter past two."

Somewhere round here recently someone whose task it was to be the royal
aerial chauffeur recalled an occasion when him and her were traveling together. He paid a visit to the wheelhouse, chatted and asked some
to the point questions. As he turned to go back the skipper asked him if her Madge might be interested in seeing the works.

"God no. If it doesn't eat hay and it doesn't sh1t, she couldn't give a damn."

Finally, that apocryphal quote attributed to him -

" My wife doesn't go to the toilet. It bloody well comes to her."

'
I think you'll find that that's a misquote of the Prince saying of Anne, "If it doesn't fart and eat hay she's not interested".
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Old 22nd Feb 2013, 15:25
  #2628 (permalink)  

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Friend of mine many years ago was a pilot on the royal flight and once, when HM was on board, one of her dumps was 'rescued' and raffled between the crewe.
I'd heard it was displayed, in a bottle, above the fireplace.
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Old 22nd Feb 2013, 15:32
  #2629 (permalink)  
 
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Friend of mine many years ago was a pilot on the royal flight and once, when HM was on board, one of her dumps was 'rescued' and raffled between the crewe
If this is true (and I think it's total BS myself, it's crew!) then someone from the Palace will be making arrangements to freeze your pension with immediate effect.
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Old 22nd Feb 2013, 19:34
  #2630 (permalink)  
 
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They were only doing what the Matlots of The R Y Brittania were doing for many years, they had a little cage over the appropriate vent. Hope this helps.
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Old 22nd Feb 2013, 19:40
  #2631 (permalink)  
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I've heard of the Royal We, but I'd never thought it was harvested.
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Old 22nd Feb 2013, 21:23
  #2632 (permalink)  
 
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I think you'll find that that's a misquote of the Prince saying of Anne, "If it doesn't fart and eat hay she's not interested".
Maybe, but it was also quoted on the flight deck of a BOAC 707 with HM on board, the Captain asked if HM would also like to visit the flight deck and got that reply.

On another trip when P.Ph was travelling alone, he was invited to the flight deck and said " Isn't it great to get away from the missus occasionally ? "

No, I wasn't present on either occasion - but I know who was !
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Old 23rd Feb 2013, 09:50
  #2633 (permalink)  
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I first remember hearing this in the 1960's when the Royal couple were visiting an RAAF base. Any advance on 1963?

UFO
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Old 23rd Feb 2013, 10:50
  #2634 (permalink)  
 
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The T.S.A. has disclosed the official Airport Screening Results
October 2012
Statistics On Airport Screening From The Department Of Homeland Security:
  • Terrorists Discovered 0
  • Transvestites 133
  • Hernias 1,485
  • Hemorrhoids 3,172
  • Enlarged Prostates 8,249
  • Breast Implants 59,350
  • Natural Blondes 3
It was also discovered that 535 members of Congress had no balls.
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Old 23rd Feb 2013, 12:39
  #2635 (permalink)  
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" My wife doesn't go to the toilet. It bloody well comes to her."
Incorrect. It was a crew chief when asked where the toilet emptying outlet on the outside of the aircraft was.
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Old 23rd Feb 2013, 16:57
  #2636 (permalink)  
 
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My old boss, ex matelot served as a PO on the RYB, and he too told the story of one of Her Majesties products being caught, varnished and put in a teak display case in the PO's mess.

Went there a couple of years ago with Mrs. Tezzer, but failed to spot said item.
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Old 23rd Feb 2013, 18:14
  #2637 (permalink)  
 
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Old 23rd Feb 2013, 18:22
  #2638 (permalink)  
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being caught, varnished and put in a teak display case in the PO's mess.

And my old mate Derek, who served on HM Submarines, told me that if a visit from a personality was expected on his boat, the heads would be jury rigged so as to save the contents if the exalted personality used them. After the visit said recovered souvenirs would be carefully dried, varnished, and mounted on suitable hand-carved wooden plaques and put up in a shoreside mess somewhere where the matelots could contemplate them while dining.

Can't confirm nor deny this story, and Derek is no longer operational to affirm.
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Old 23rd Feb 2013, 21:41
  #2639 (permalink)  
 
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As they say in that old song, how bizarre!

I find most pranks amusing, but these turd-nappers are just plain weird.
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Old 23rd Feb 2013, 23:11
  #2640 (permalink)  
 
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I could let you have one of mine if you wish to varnish it and mount it on the wall.





























Wooden vintage putter.
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