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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 4th Dec 2012, 02:21
  #2121 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
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500N

Sorry to have offended you.
Offended? Never!!!

One simply wonders if you'd know or care if you were playing the front or the back nine...
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Old 4th Dec 2012, 02:37
  #2122 (permalink)  
 
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AA
I'd know and I'd care, so much so that on that course
I wouldn't get the clubs out and even think of giving
up golf if that was the only course available
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Old 4th Dec 2012, 04:22
  #2123 (permalink)  
 
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I'd be taking a penalty stroke. That lie looks unplayable to me.
Don't reckon the fairway gets mown either.
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Old 4th Dec 2012, 05:19
  #2124 (permalink)  
 
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Mr Sisemen

Get between those two and the pie counter and you're a dead man. Being trampled in the stampede for pies has to be one of the worst ways to go.
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Old 4th Dec 2012, 07:09
  #2125 (permalink)  
 
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"I'd be taking a penalty stroke. That lie looks unplayable to me.
Don't reckon the fairway gets mown either."

And the closer you got to the hole, the more the surrounding bits turned green.
Don't even THINK about the bunkers around the hole, or the presence of a flagstick...
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Old 4th Dec 2012, 09:12
  #2126 (permalink)  
 
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Oh to be Eight Again

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday. 'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror ..
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the ScreamingRoller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favourite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you [email protected]*#*! retard!!!!'

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
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Old 4th Dec 2012, 11:39
  #2127 (permalink)  

More than just an ATCO
 
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The word of the day

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Old 4th Dec 2012, 13:40
  #2128 (permalink)  
 
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Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.

His buddies all chimed in said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority; figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning."

Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course. The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."

The second guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."

The third guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."

They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds.
"I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning -- intercourse or golfcourse --'


She said, "Don't forget your sweater."
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Old 4th Dec 2012, 18:21
  #2129 (permalink)  
 
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just wait until she turns 16...
If Sir James had still been alive and she was under 16, do you reckon he'd have been in there like a rat in a rather big drainpipe?
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Old 4th Dec 2012, 19:45
  #2130 (permalink)  
 
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At the risk of offending moose in both countries, in Canada and Alaska that is also known as a moose knuckle.
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Old 4th Dec 2012, 20:33
  #2131 (permalink)  
 
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Least when she lies down on the ground its somewhere to park the wheels of the bike.
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Old 4th Dec 2012, 20:38
  #2132 (permalink)  
 
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P6

"If Sir James had still been alive and she was under 16, do you reckon he'd have been in there like a rat in a rather big drainpipe?"


Well looking a all the one's who have come out, I would say no
as he seemed to choose the good looking slim one's.
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Old 4th Dec 2012, 20:39
  #2133 (permalink)  
 
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"Least when she lies down on the ground its somewhere to park the wheels of the bike."


Jesus, you wouldn't want to push it in too far, it might get stuck !!!

.
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Old 4th Dec 2012, 20:41
  #2134 (permalink)  
 
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500N

What sort of bike were you thinking of ?

A Big Chopper ................
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Old 4th Dec 2012, 20:46
  #2135 (permalink)  
 
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I reckon you would need a mountain bike to just get up there
to get it in the holder
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Old 4th Dec 2012, 23:14
  #2136 (permalink)  
 
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Man in the Guinness book of Records for having been concussed 15 time in a week.

He doesn't live far from me - just a stones throw away.
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Old 5th Dec 2012, 00:23
  #2137 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
 
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that made me remember the movie "teeth"...damn...

Last edited by FlightPathOBN; 5th Dec 2012 at 00:25.
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Old 5th Dec 2012, 12:17
  #2138 (permalink)  
 
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Old 5th Dec 2012, 21:33
  #2139 (permalink)  
Psychophysiological entity
 
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Despite my feelings about the subject matter, this really made me laugh.






The right one now.

Last edited by Loose rivets; 5th Dec 2012 at 21:34.
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Old 5th Dec 2012, 21:50
  #2140 (permalink)  
 
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Alright, who's got the bloody keys?

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