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Banks - yet again.

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Banks - yet again.

Old 30th Sep 2011, 17:27
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Banks - yet again.

A German one for a change.

End of August, go to use my German VISA card (a relic of my previous life) and find card blocked. Call bank, no, it's not blocked they say. Ten minutes later, call from same bank, yes it is blocked after "suspected fraudulent activity", not that I've seen any. "We send you a new card and PIN by Friday this week".

Two days later letter from same bank arrives, letterhead dated about a week earlier, saying same thing.

Week later, new PIN arrives. No card.

Phone, "it will arrive this week".

Next week, still no card.

Phone, "it will arrive this week".

Last week in September, still no card.

Today, letter arrives, postmarked two weeks ago, stating that the card is blocked after suspected fraudulent activity, "we send a new card and PIN".

Also today, separate letter, new PIN arrives.

But - surprise, surprise ! - no card.

Wonder if they are doing this to the Greeks as well. "But ze Karte mit ze funfhundertzillioneuros are on ze vay, Herr President - and also ze new PIN so you can use zem..."
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Old 30th Sep 2011, 17:34
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Old 30th Sep 2011, 19:04
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The date on that magazine is 15:05:06
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Old 30th Sep 2011, 20:01
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Hurry along to HSBC !

Lucky account holders who use the internet are receiving a new security device which they must use to access their account (s).

It's like a tacky child's calculator out of a cracker, and if the battery goes flat/ you break it/ you lose it, you're fcuked.
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Old 30th Sep 2011, 20:23
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I 'phoned my bank to order a new cheque book. As I did not want it sent by post, I asked them to let my sister pick it up. She banks at the same offshore branch as I do, lives on the island, and is a personal friend of one of the managers. They said they couldn't give the cheque book to a third party due to security rules and bank regulations and in my own interests and bla bla bla. 'elf and safety wasn't mentioned surprisingly, nor were anti-terrorism laws.

They offered to send it to their branch in the Isle of Man where I was going to be for a few days, for me to collect. I went to collect it and it wasn't there. I phoned my branch and they said it should be, so I let them slog it out between them and call me back when they'd resolved the problem. The long and the short of it was that they said that 12 days after it had been sent out, they had no way of knowing where it was. I left my number with the IOM branch and asked them to let me know if it arrived.

That afternoon the IOM branch rang me to say it had just arrived (yeah right!) and I could collect it. I went to the counter, gave my name, said "you have my cheque book........", the girl opened a drawer, handed me an envelope and that was it. No identification, no signature, nothing.

I am now tempted to get a mate to write out a few fat cheques, and then ask the bank wtf is going on when they go through. What cheque book? You never gave it to me!

The only thing that stops me from doing this is the knowledge that it is fraudulent, but I would love to show them up for the bunch of useless incompetent tossers that they are.

This is the same bank who asked me for verification of the source of funds when I paid in a £70 cheque from HMRC, because they didn't know who HMRC was!
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Old 30th Sep 2011, 22:00
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Banks? Jeez!

I've been a "corporate" customer of the Bank of Scotland for decades and have accessed all accounts, business and personal, by internet for a very long time. Just needed two passwords and an electronically-generated code. Good. Happy customer.

They decided to change it, didn't they - can no longer "see" personal accounts. To make a transfer to a personal account, I have to set up a "payment" which will, (you're ahead of me, right?) cost me a fiver!! Alternatively, it will be free if I phone them. Make a phone call??Jeez!!

I'll not bore you with the farce of arranging for personal online access but the best part was the helpline which we'll say was 012345 12345. After negotiating automated menus there was a recording to inform me that "this number has been changed to 012345 12345. Aaaaaaaargh!

And why might it take "up to 28 days" to change a bank account from sole name to joint? Do they have to train a monkey specially?
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Old 30th Sep 2011, 22:39
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Last trip to the Islamic Repub...oops, UK, I withdrew £ 600 from a Natwest ATM, all £20's...............went into the branch ;
" Can you please change £500 into 50's ? "
" Are you a customer of Natwest ? "
" No , I'm visiting from overseas "
" No, we aren't allowed to as the notes have to be paid into an account and then a withdrawal made from the account ."
" Why ??!! "
" They could be counterfeit "
"They are from your ATM, heres the receipt ! "
" I'm sorry, anyway, I haven't got any 50's............"

I walk 30 yards to the Barclays and change them , no problem. Four days later I go back to the Barclays, different teller...............

" Well, we aren't allowed............"
" I changed some here before............." and it goes on.............

Some people are alive, only because it's illegal to kill them............
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Old 1st Oct 2011, 04:09
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TZ youd've probably had better luck if you'd not shaved for a
few days and preceded each of your sentences with Insh'allah
while mimicking an arab accent.
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Old 1st Oct 2011, 06:21
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The story about changing the notes reminds me of this, which happened to me in Delhi .............

I went to an ATM one afternoon and drew Rs. 6000 (about £90) in crisp new 500 Rupee notes. I then went to the counter and asked the cashier to change one of the 500's for 100's. He was quite hesitant about this, and I waited for the inevitable Indian style form, with dozens of badly printed columns and squares, to be produced, completed, countersigned and stamped a few times before the operation could be performed. In fact the problem was not a bureaucratic one. He examined the banknote for about five minutes, microscopically, as only Indians can, consulted various bits of paper and colleagues, took it out the back, and came back shaking his head and saying it was a forgery. So I produced the other 11, all still in order and consecutively numbered, and asked him about those. At that point he began to have some doubts - I still hadn't told him they'd just come from their own ATM.

He took them and said they were also forgeries and, with that side to side motion of the head that is unique to the Indian subcontinent, added that ‘’it is very unwise to be changing money with street money changers - all are rascals, Sir, I am telling you!”

Then I produced the ATM slip, revealing the source of the money, and asked if this bank was in the habit of stocking their ATM's with forged banknotes. To say he was embarrassed would be an understatement!
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Old 1st Oct 2011, 07:01
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Capetonian - nice to win one, course he could have said that you had forged the receipt as well.

Goes back a bit but ....... before ATM's were as prevalent as now, working in Singapore I had a Post Office Savings account that allowed me to draw money from the very many branches that used to prevail around the island on presentation of a bank account book that had been signed by me with an ultra-violet pen device that allowed the teller to compare my sig. on the withdrawal slip with the 'invisible' one in my passbook, never really a problem until one day .... I presented my passbook and it was suggested that as I was on the last page, and I 'may' indeed have used some of the ATM's that were being slowly introduced, then putting my book into her printer might cause a problem, i.e. not enough lines left for the transactions that 'might' be stored awaiting transfer to the book, so how about if she kindly issues me a new book ?

Good idea. Where's your passport ? Don't need it. Yes, passport required to issue bank book. No, passport was used to open account and issue book, you have my 'secret ink' signature so passport not needed for replacement book, which is only an extension of the original. No, show passport.

In the end my son dragged me out to prevent me breaking the 1" pane of glass separating me from the stupid teller -and strangling her with my bare hands.

I didn't get the cash needed to go to the pub with my son.

The next branch issued a new passbook. No passport required, this is just an extension of your existing passbook - Sir.

My wife was recently stuck at LAX airport, needed telephone and finally located a payphone after much drama ( no, we don't all carry Yuppie Style Global Roaming Hideously Expensive Mobile Phones ) No coins to initiate a 1-800 free call ( coins then returned ) and no passerby, nor RedCap, nor Taxi driver, nor check out clerk could provide any change ( no coffee shops on the Landside of LAX,either.)

Fortunately the machine accepted credit cards, but refused my American wife's ever-so-long-standing American dollar account card because she now uses a non-USA billing address. ( no longer living there she wouldn't get her bills and accounts otherwise, would she ? )

World's gone mad, and the banks are leading the way. Stuff 'em.
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Old 1st Oct 2011, 07:35
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Let's not forget that executives make immense amounts of money creating procedures. The only problem is that they are not accountable for the efficiency of the procedure designed.

And lowly employees have a better time following a stupid procedure rather than adopting a common sense approach.

Rwy in Sight
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Old 1st Oct 2011, 08:32
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The date on that magazine is 15:05:06
One word G-TN...... Photoshop.
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Old 1st Oct 2011, 11:49
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In the 90s I worked for a large US bank in London. The new Systems Security Dept. oversaw all systems and monitored everyone’s access. No recording of passwords in any way and no using the same password for more than one system. As I (and my co-workers) were in the computer/communications department we had access daily to 25 systems. When the SS dept. was overworked with correcting access violations they changed the system.
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Old 1st Oct 2011, 13:46
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A couple of years ago one of my cards was cloned and the fraudsters drew more cash from ATMs in Madrid on each of two consecutive days than I can draw in a week. The bank told me that they cannot explain how that is possible, which I understand, but they said it was very rare and measures were being put in place to prevent.

Today I bumped into a friend to whom the same thing has happened. Not only cash in excess of his daily limit, but internet purchases too.
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Old 1st Oct 2011, 14:39
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...and my wife, this past week. Two fraudulent extractions of cash: one was one penny (obviously a test) and the other - yet again - an order of pizza in Brisbane. "Yet again" because this isn't the first time I've heard of fraudulent orders of pizza in Brisbane....fraudulent pizzas ? Now what topping would that be.....

Does someone in Brisbane think "I'm hungry, need a pizza" phone someone in London "steal a card and let me have the number" and then order a pizza ?
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Old 1st Oct 2011, 15:33
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Slasher [Quote]
TZ youd've probably had better luck if you'd not shaved for a
few days and preceded each of your sentences with Insh'allah
while mimicking an arab accent.

I'll remember that but the scary thing was that the people I dealt with were WASP's........... We're doomed......................
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Old 10th Oct 2011, 13:12
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Santander Deutschland

Following the episode first recounted (blocked card, new card being sent, PIN arrives, no card, then another new PIN, no card) I told the issuing German bank all of this and also pointed out that a credit card which didn't have the CHIP 'n PIN was no longer useable in Spain (France too from my recollection). "Oh you'll be able to use the new card everywhere" came the reply (only said in German, natürlich), "our security (sicherheit) is excellent".

But no card arrived so after five weeks I cancelled the a/c and told them to transfer the cash therein to another bank.

Today, returning from a sojurn in the City of Light, I went to collect my post and there's the new card, valid for five years, and guess what - it is a a smooth piece of plastic unbroken by any CHIP 'n PIN. Accompanied by a letter saying it can be used anywhere, world-wide.

A new definition of "anywhere" methinks.
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Old 10th Oct 2011, 15:19
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Did anyone know that Lloyds TSB (or Llodys if you prefer!) and Halifax are merging again! Well it must be true because I just got this message.

Flag this message
*Merger Halifax and Llodys.tsb.bANK*
Monday, 10 October, 2011 4:25
"LLOYDS.HALIFAX.BANK" <[email protected]>
Add sender to Contacts
[email protected]

Online Logo

(This e-mail has been sent to [email protected] by Halifax B.S. and Lloyds TSB Uk )

Dear [email protected] ,

Due to the recent merger between Llodys TSB and Halifax Building Society, we are consolidating all online accounts in a central server to guarantee maximum protection and ease of use.

Please choose your bank below, click on the link, log into your account and confirm your account details to help with our consolidation.

For Halifax Customers:


For Lloyd's Customers:

https:// online.lloydstsb.co.uk/pers...btinternet.com

Thank you.

Thomas Krane
Head Mergers And Acquistions,

Halifax B.S. and Lloyds TSB.
This is where the links go: (my brackets to invalidate them)
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Old 10th Oct 2011, 15:36
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Same for LLoyds TSB (TSB Stand's for............your thoughts folks!)

Trying to pay in a cheque from well known insurance company. In all fairness, the cheque was quite sizeable (Lucky me - poor hamster!)

CB: Can I pay this in please

Cashier: Who's this from

CB: (Thinking, Okayyyyyyyyy!) From XX insurance company, says so 'ON THE CHEQUE'

Cashier: What was the reason for this cheque

CB: That's private

Cashier: We need to know, down to the money laundering act

CB: (Thinks again, shall I admit to torching the house) -Can I speak to the BM please

BM: Yes

CB: Can I pay this in please

BM: Looks at cheque, looks at me, looks at cashier - OK no problem

Cashier: Nothing said, just glares

CB: Wearing a F**k you face as the cheque is processed

Have ditched them now and moved to their sister bank
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Old 10th Oct 2011, 15:55
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Lloyds/Halifax data base merger, old news. Both on-line banking is very similar aprat from the colours

Lloyds - Green
Halifax - Blue
BTW - Halifax mastercard is a must have. If you spend £300 per month - they credit you £5 (Not a massive amount but it's £60 per year) more importantly, only changes you a spot conversion rate when using it oversea's - no other fee's.

Nationwide used to do this but now charge 1% within the spot rate calculation - you won't see it on the paperwork tho
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