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Who writes such absolute sh1te?

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Who writes such absolute sh1te?

Old 6th Aug 2011, 12:28
  #1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
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Who writes such absolute sh1te?

We have just come home with a new toaster from ASDA.

The instruction manual says (and I quote):

"Put bread slice into bread slot, it can be inserted two slices at most every time. Only the regular slice can be placed into the bread slot."

"Note: Toasting color for one side is darker than that for double bread at the same level."

Is there really no one left in this world that ASDA could have employed to write instructions that can be understood by native English speakers?
Al Fakhem is offline  
Old 6th Aug 2011, 12:33
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Nemo Me Impune Lacessit
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You are missing the point Al Fakem, around two thirds of Britain (now), would understand those instructions perfectly!
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Old 6th Aug 2011, 12:39
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Eh ?
A city of children who cannot read | News

Millions of people cannot read properly.

Writing for the basic reading ability of a 7 year old (The Sun) is the only way that manufacturers will be absolved of liability when some bottom feeding lawyer comes calling. Dickbrain put in 4 slices of bread and it burnt the house down and he wants his compo because the instructions didn't tell him not to.
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Old 6th Aug 2011, 12:59
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Those instructions weren't written in the UK, though - they were almost certainly written in China, with someone running the Chinese instructions through an online translator and printing what came out. It's called Engrish:

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Old 6th Aug 2011, 13:09
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The lady/man from Ikea now has some competition in how not to write instructions.......
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Old 6th Aug 2011, 13:20
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Resident insomniac
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An acquaintance worked as a proof-reader for assembly instructions that had been translated into Engrish.

He encountered one example for a table where the action required for attaching the legs - 'fcuk' had been written in place of 'screw'.
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Old 6th Aug 2011, 13:24
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Somewhere I have a photo of the instructions on a canelloni packet.

It contained the immortal phrase :
"Lay her on back in tin and toss off in melted butter."
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Old 6th Aug 2011, 13:53
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The instructions for my door entry phone was a classic
Dig a cave in the wall 100mm x40mm.
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Old 6th Aug 2011, 13:58
  #9 (permalink)  
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Hope the Chinese do better when/if/they sell us airyplanes.
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Old 6th Aug 2011, 15:15
  #10 (permalink)  
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An early Japanese car:-

'If a pedestrian steps in front of you then tootle them vigorously with the horn'
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Old 6th Aug 2011, 15:29
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Thought police antagonist
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In answer to the OP's original title, I take it you have never had the misfortune to encounter B. Waste of Space AP's / AMM's then ?.....

Then there was the classic "internal" repair sheet concerning a certain Lightning "P" 92 sqdn at Gut. in which we were instructed to "install main leg into pintle mountings " " connect hydraulic lines " etc, then "carry out functional checks iaw AP whatever "...so far, so normal....two pages later..." instal and connect main u/c retraction jack "
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Old 6th Aug 2011, 15:41
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Interesting to see that many of you have come to expect such [email protected] instruction manuals.

It's got nothing to do with the translator, really, because whoever has commissioned the translation should, if they are professional, have some native-language testers revue the result and also try to follow the translated text to see if it makes any sense.
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Old 6th Aug 2011, 16:30
  #13 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jan 2003
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Don't know why they have to write anything. When my airplane arrived in bits in its box I was amazed to discover that the building instructions were all line drawings, almost no text at all in the whole manual. Each part was labelled and all the nuts and bolts and other small parts came in labelled bags, all one had to do was to pick the parts shown on the page and put thru' hole or on bolt as shown in the pictures.

Kind of IKEA or MFI airplane. Bit scary really when I think about it!
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Old 6th Aug 2011, 16:33
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You get something from ASDA and can't figure out where the problem truly lies?
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Old 6th Aug 2011, 16:40
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building instructions were all line drawings, almost no text at all in the whole manual.
Upside, limited translation required, provided you can connect the dots.
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Old 6th Aug 2011, 18:37
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Curiously enough, just having inherited a brand new (1992) manufacturer's upholstery set for an Alfa Romeo car, the full colour instruction book is written in perfect English,
Wish the car could understand it...
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Old 6th Aug 2011, 18:48
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One could imagine an A320 manual translated from Chinese -

Engine Firing In Fly

Push to Warning the Master Off
Keep engine on throttle back
Pull switching master to backward
Reaching up push red button to out
Push this charge button to fire squid
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Old 6th Aug 2011, 19:40
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Sir George Cayley
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I still smile at the MacDonalds Hot Apple Pie which on the back states 'Caution contents may be hot'

Well I for one am glad they told me, could of burnt me lip.

Old 6th Aug 2011, 19:49
  #19 (permalink)  

bat fastard
Join Date: Apr 2003
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racedo, from the link you posted, second paragraph, second sentence;

One in four children is practically illiterate on leaving primary school
Is they really?

The irony.
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Old 6th Aug 2011, 21:42
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Is they still illiterate if their parents get married?
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