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Care to share your most memorable in-flight messages?

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Care to share your most memorable in-flight messages?

Old 30th Aug 2014, 06:40
  #121 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 201
Heard on Ground frequency 121.9 while taxying a little one in Cape Town a few years ago:

"Thank you for choosing to fly XXX and please take care when opening the overhead lockers"
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Old 30th Aug 2014, 07:54
  #122 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 57
Posts: 211
Heard after a somewhat hard landing in Jhb (some of the lockers had burst open upon slam down)...

"Thank you to my First Officer Peter Swanepoel who has just earned his aircraft carrier wings for that landing"...

Caco
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Old 30th Aug 2014, 14:54
  #123 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Holly Beach, Louisiana
Posts: 916
Piedmont Airlines...forerunner to US Air after several mergers and buyouts on a flight from Greensboro to some far flung destination like Martinsville or Hickory....I forget.....Martin 404 Aircraft.

"Aw Right Folks..... .for you members of the White Knuckle Gang....get a good Grip and Hang On Tight....we're outta here!"
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Old 30th Aug 2014, 15:00
  #124 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2001
Posts: 10,823
Crew transfer for a supply boat going up North in a force 8 gale.

My opening line of

"Welcome onboard Buddy Holly airways".

Went down well with some and not others.
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Old 30th Aug 2014, 17:43
  #125 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Back in the NorthWest
Age: 72
Posts: 111
My personal one:

"XXXX, the chase aircraft says your undercarriage APPEARS to be locked down."

Wrong.
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Old 30th Aug 2014, 18:40
  #126 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,897
My mum was responsible for co-ordinating fit-outs on the Comet 4C.

There were no in-flight messages on the Middle East Airlines aircraft bought for the Hajj run,
because there was no cabin intercom fitted,
because there were no cabin crew,
because there was no cabin, i.e. no seats were fitted either,






or any toilets.
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Old 30th Aug 2014, 19:28
  #127 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: There and here
Posts: 1,668
After going up in the air swiftly to avoid another aircraft on the runway, the intercom came on, static for several seconds and then "This is Captain XXX, apologies for the unscheduled go-around due to…..(several seconds static) an aircraft that hadn't cleared the runway…….(static) but please be reassured that everything is ok and the second landing will be included in your ticket price, two landings for the price of one!"



SHJ
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Old 30th Aug 2014, 22:59
  #128 (permalink)  
pneumono
ultramicroscopic
silicovolcano
coniosis
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: UK
Posts: 146
Unfortunately I'm guilty of this one.

handful of years ago.....thrashing my way up Europe at night in a PC12, empty leg, 70kt headwinds, right hand seat stretched out in the cabin having a snooze.

Couple of hours later, and somewhere south of Paris, I'm getting bored, tired and crotchety and wanting to liven up for the arrival into a 700m strip in bad wx.

I press what I thought was the PA announcement (but was actually just patching RT to the cabin) and said to all on the Paris frequency.

'Oi, drop your c*ck and wake up you lazy sh*t, make me a black coffee with two sugars and, by the way, we're getting royally f*cked up by headwinds here'

Cue laughter and 'oops' from the female controller and several minutes of various coffee requests from other flight decks.

total silence from my end.
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Old 31st Aug 2014, 01:45
  #129 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: AUS
Posts: 356
IAI Westwind descending one night into Melbourne. Controller, Just for interest, what descent rate are you guys doing? Westwind, 6000 feet a minute! Controller, Our equipment shows more than that! Westwind, Arrr, well our gauge only goes to 6000 feet per minute.
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Old 31st Aug 2014, 02:09
  #130 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2000
Location: CYZV
Age: 73
Posts: 1,259
You have to be Canadian or Irish for this one.

XXX Tower, Air Canada 721 with ya, cleared left hand visual for 27.
AC 721 XXX Tower roger...wind...altimeter...traffic...call by the bay downwind.
721 call by the bay, bye.
Unidentified voice : Lard T'underin Jaysus b'y.

On our F-27 the baggage compartment was directly behind the cockpit. On one flight we were carrying a yappy little dog in a cage. That little never shut up for the entire 45-minute flight, and he was loud enough his barking could be heard on the radio. Comments ranged from "Is that a stew in the background there?" to "Geez, I thought our stews were ugly."
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Old 31st Aug 2014, 04:32
  #131 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: ɐıןɐɹʇsn∀
Posts: 1,963
A personal friend decided to try his luck flying domestically in Russia a few years back.

Upon arriving at his allocated seat, he was a little concerned that said seat was not actually fitted with any restraints i.e seatbelts.

Calls over the (male) cabin crew member, explaining the inadequacy of the situation.

Response. "Why you need seatbelt? We crash, you die!"

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Old 31st Aug 2014, 04:35
  #132 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: ɐıןɐɹʇsn∀
Posts: 1,963
Originally Posted by Spotlight View Post
IAI Westwind descending one night into Melbourne. Controller, Just for interest, what descent rate are you guys doing? Westwind, 6000 feet a minute! Controller, Our equipment shows more than that! Westwind, Arrr, well our gauge only goes to 6000 feet per minute.
TOPD from F390 at 50 miles!!
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Old 31st Aug 2014, 09:20
  #133 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Here and there...
Age: 53
Posts: 854
Mozambique in 1994 and Muggins is pax on an AN-24 Maputo to Beira. The UN had been getting stroppy about the Russian crews and their approach to safety, so cargo nets and seat belts had become mandatory, as well as a briefing pre take off, as per UN SOP's.....

So, imagine the shock and/or hilarity depending on whether one was Civvy or flying related when we boarded and found every seat with a seatbelt, made up of sundry parts nicked off the various wrecks scattered around the countryside, none of which worked and a tennis net thrown over the pile of baggage stacked at our feet with no tie-down in sight......
The briefing was equally interesting...... Captain whistled loudly to shut us up and declared, "You don't smoke, you sit, if we crash you do this" and put his arms around his head before stepping into the cockpit and starting up.
On climb out, the cockpit door swung open and we were treated to a view of a bottle being passed back and forth between the crew up front, at 7 in the morning....
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Old 31st Aug 2014, 09:35
  #134 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Planet Tharg
Posts: 2,471
One of our captains was a bit of a dozy type, but quite fond of the sound of his own voice. He'd make long drawn out and syrupy cabin announcements to welcome boarding pax on a contract we were doing for a regional carrier. The 'Doh!' moment came when he looked up to see the FO grinning at him because he was broadcasting it on the ground frequency for all to hear.
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