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Forgive me but I'm sad and need to tell you lot.

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Forgive me but I'm sad and need to tell you lot.

Old 21st Nov 2008, 08:55
  #1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 1999
Location: Sunny (or Rainy) Somerset, England
Posts: 2,024
Forgive me but I'm sad and need to tell you lot.

I hope youíll excuse me being a little self-indulgent but I need to get this off my chest. I had a telephone call from one of my old friends in Canada at 0530 this morning to tell me that one of my oldest and best friends has been given less than 2 weeks to live. She has fought cancer for many years, was in remission for a long time but, sadly, it all came back to haunt her again a while ago.

She and her husband, Clancy, looked after me and my family when we were on exchange in Canada. He was the biggest bear of a man, who was a giant in every sense of the word, and just one of the gentlest and kindest people you could ever hope to meet. He died in a military aircraft crash many years ago and she eventually found a really nice man who she has been very happy with ever since.

She was simply my big sister who doted on my wife, Jane, and my kids. They were both always there when we needed them and we loved them to bits. When my daughter moved to Canada with her family, this lovely lady immediately took on where she left off with me and my wife. She knew my daughter when she was a baby and looked after my kids a lot when we lived there. My kids used to love going to see Auntie Vena.

She contacted my daughter before the family moved out there a couple of years ago and offered anything she needed. She was Ė of course Ė as good as her word and became a sort of replacement mum to my daughter. Again, she was always there when needed at any time of the day or night. My daughter has come to think the world of her, as we did, and I got a call from her after the initial call this morning and she was in floods of tears.

Vena was distraught when my wife died and always talked about her when we chatted or met. I saw her last year when I went over to Canada for a few weeks, and she was in good shape having come through another set of treatment with flying colours and we were all hopeful.

I spoke to her a couple of weeks ago and she sounded unwell. Naturally - and as usual - she wouldnít tell me she was ill and insisted she was fine and that she was really looking forward to seeing Radz and me when we go to Canada early next year. She was delighted about the news of Radz and me getting married. Iíll try to talk to her tonight if she is up to it. Iíll bollock her for not waiting until we get out there to see her, and Iíll ask her to say hi to Jane and Clancy for me.

Once again I thank you for your patience and Iím now going to go away and be sad for a while.
Wholigan is offline  
Old 21st Nov 2008, 09:05
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PS - I don't need any replies - - - just wanted to vent.
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Old 21st Nov 2008, 09:08
  #3 (permalink)  

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Hey, words are never enough when it comes to something like this.

But FWIW, my sympathies to you. In your sadness remember that here is obviously a wonderful woman who has helped make the world a better place and touched the lives of many. Your sadness will hopefully recede, but her legacy will not.

Even when you pass on, her legacy will still be there in your daughter.

Yes it's a time to be sad, but celebrate her life as well as mourning its inevitable passing.

Best wishes to her, you, and your family.

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Old 21st Nov 2008, 11:08
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Old 21st Nov 2008, 11:19
  #5 (permalink)  
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Sorry for your troubles Wholi.

Vent away.

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Old 21st Nov 2008, 11:36
  #6 (permalink)  

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It's good to know people still care about people who care
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Old 21st Nov 2008, 14:11
  #7 (permalink)  
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as you said, you don't need replies, they won't help you. But I'd like to say that by writing this post, you at least highlight the fact that there are still some bloody nice people in the world.

All The best

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Old 21st Nov 2008, 15:51
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You have beautifully encapsulated a wonderful story of love, kindness and joyous memories of life lived the way it should be. If only that were possible would this world not be just the place that we all wish for? Yet there it is. You have written with love and a glowing warmth of everything that has been a precious time in your life, and the lives of your family.

The hurt will go away but the memories only you and yours know will stay - for the rest of lives.

God bless, Vena and all of you.
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Old 21st Nov 2008, 23:24
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The fact you have posted this message shows what a wonderful lady she is. Thanks for sharing it with us mere mortals.

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Old 22nd Nov 2008, 09:54
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There is nothing that any of us can say or do that will make you feel better. All we can do is offer a metaphorical shoulder to cry on and our deepest sympathies.

P.S. Why do we need to forgive you? Getting things off your chest is what this forum is all about.
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Old 22nd Nov 2008, 19:41
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Iím pushing this post up a bit on a Saturday night, though not for maudliní reasons.

I write having experienced what Iím sure many, many of us on this forum (PPRuNe) have been through.

Your post is not only pertinent, but deserves reply and should receive posts of comfort and support (althoí I know this was not your original intention.)

Holding my Mum and Dadís hands as they both passed away changed my view of life forever.

Everything posted so far surpasses what I could say Ė but you, like me, seem to have a succession which will keep you focussed - they will respect all the memories you can give them.

I hope you can make the trip.

Best regards to both of you

Sorry this was too long.

Last edited by mustpost; 22nd Nov 2008 at 20:51.
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Old 22nd Nov 2008, 20:12
  #12 (permalink)  
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Feel for you, chum.
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Old 22nd Nov 2008, 21:53
  #13 (permalink)  

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Thats really sad Roj. After all our years of banter here it's ironic that it was only a couple of days ago we spoke on the phone for the first time, and, given your other news you sounded particularly perky and cheerful. Life's a bummer sometimes.

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Old 22nd Nov 2008, 22:27
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Roj, I am so sorry for your grief.

If you take a look at a blank page, you will fail to see anything, but if you were to draw a simple picture on that page, an image becomes obvious.

Yet in a sense the image was always there, the space defined by those lines existed all the time ... so we can see that it is an object's boundaries that define its existence.

It is the boundaries of birth and death that define our lives, and without those boundaries, then we could not know that life exists. When you taste the bitterness of grief, living through the death of a loved one, you have the privilege of being able to understand their entire life, and at the very least your grief shows you how sweet the life you held dear was.
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Old 22nd Nov 2008, 23:02
  #15 (permalink)  
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"Grief fills the room up of my absent child, lies in his bed, walks up and down with me, puts on his pretty looks, repeats his words." (Shakespeare)
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Old 22nd Nov 2008, 23:32
  #16 (permalink)  
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Sorry to hear it Roj, you will need some strength and Radz will make sure you get all you need.
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Old 29th Nov 2008, 19:24
  #17 (permalink)  
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Just for completeness I thought I'd let you know that she passed away peacefully this morning (UK time).

I'm sorry I didn't get to see her, but I did get to tell her to say hi to Jane and Clancy.

She will stay in a lot of peoples' hearts as quite possibly the nicest person they have ever known.

RIP Vena.
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Old 29th Nov 2008, 19:34
  #18 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jun 2004
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Peace for Vena and i hope ,in time, Peace for you.
I am of an age where i have lost parents, family and friends the sadness of the ending is always something that affects you but the beauty of friendships is that happy memories always prevail. the happy memories are the strength that help you to get through the sad times and i hope that this will be the way for you.
My deepfelt sympathy to you..
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Old 29th Nov 2008, 19:37
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At such times, words are all anyone has to offer to someone who is grieving.

Vena loved you and your family for years. You loved her and her family. In this complex world, you had something so simple and pure and nothing--not cancer, not distance, can take that away. The spirit of her memory will get you through this sad time.

My sincere sympathies in your loss, Wholi.
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Old 29th Nov 2008, 19:52
  #20 (permalink)  
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult
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A glass of the good stuff has been raised in memory of your good friend

Always remember the good times
Always remember the friendship

And she will live on in your families hearts
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