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The ultimate Bollocking

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The ultimate Bollocking

Old 18th Sep 2006, 11:32
  #1 (permalink)  
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The ultimate Bollocking


"As Mr Wendel's "performance art" did not harm any of the ancient relics, he was not arrested or charged but given "serious criticism", the reports said."

Serious Criticism. How great is that
Saintsman is offline  
Old 18th Sep 2006, 11:38
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Life's too short for ironing
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"serious criticism" in a country where they have been known to drive over folk with a tank is probably a wee bit different to the "serious criticism" of other countries.

Odd thing to want to do, really, and from the photo, apart from the clothing, I didn't think he looked anything like the real thing.
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Old 18th Sep 2006, 11:51
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When a mere pup of 18, I was stopped by a constable in uniform who decided my behaviour was beyond his ability to criticise. He made me stand in a corner while he radioed for his sergeant to come from the station and take over the case.

As you can imagine, the sergeant was none too pleased by this, and the criticism I received was of the severest level I have ever witnessed or received. So severe that I have never behaved in the same way again. I only thank God the sergeant didn't have to get his inspector out, for I doubt I would be here today.
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Old 18th Sep 2006, 13:36
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In Prep school we used to be given Ice cream bars on a stick at the end of term. I hated them, and threw mine out of the window, from the second floor. It then gave the headmaster who was in the playground a glancing blow on the shoulder. That was not a good day. Quite a lot of you boy, get down to my office this instant kind of stuff, and that was before the bollicking. My fellow eight year olds passing me a comic to put down my pants was not a good sign.
After a lot of shouting, I got caned on the hand. Comics, useless as body armour.

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Old 18th Sep 2006, 16:01
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............ and I'll bet it never did you any harm either.
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Old 18th Sep 2006, 18:00
  #6 (permalink)  

The Veloceraptor of Lounge Lizards
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Stood in the heads office at boarding school about to recieve a caning after a monumental b ing. The phone rang, he took the call as I stood waiting in terror ( he'd caned me several times before and was very strong and very accurate!) Two minutes into the call the school was struck by lightning which hit the phone wires outside his window. He got a bad jolt on the ear and the phone melted.

I was dismissed as he went for treatment, mighty relieved. The bugger caned me next day instead
verticalhold is offline  
Old 18th Sep 2006, 18:28
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Slight thread creep
The headmaster used to stand outside swing doors you had to push through to get to the canteen for lunch to run, run, through an inner quad and if you were late, you were meat on a platter. He stood there with a slipper and gave you a whack round the side of the head as you went past.
'In my office boy, 1600hrs'
'Oh f..fe..fu.. I can't swear Sir, I don't know the words'.
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Old 18th Sep 2006, 19:39
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Coppula eam se non posit acceptera jocularum
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ES as graduate surveyor pratting about in office in H-type office building. Phone rings. Pick up to hear my department head say, "Consider yourself bollocked". Looked though window to see him on phone glaring at me from other side of courtyard. Hung up and truly considered myself bollocked.
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Old 18th Sep 2006, 20:17
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Usually involved a fifteen foot log, four car tyres and about 30 kilometres of dirt road...
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Old 19th Sep 2006, 05:53
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I once knew a Drill Sergeant who was rather good at criticising. He would often criticise 150 men, all at the same time.
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Old 19th Sep 2006, 08:04
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When I was quite young, our village constable criticised my left ear with his right hand.
henry crun is offline  
Old 19th Sep 2006, 11:03
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Some years ago we were doing an S&R demo at the Cheltenham Tattoo. We had to operate out of Innsworth and were required to attend the final massed parade in the back of a Land Rover. Our (army) driver was a little late arriving to collect us and tried to make up time by entering the arena on two wheels
This manoeuvre was spotted by the RSM of the Royal Corps of Transport who was the 'big cheese'for the occasion. After the parade (quite awe inspiring to be surrounded by SEVEN bands at full blast) said RSM called for, not the errant driver, but the driver's NCO i/c, a Sgt. There followed some five minutes of high decibel haranguing which was sheer verbal artistry in its ability to describe the culprit and his antecedents, their faults and failures and the GUARANTEED outcome should there be even a hint of a repetition.
Quite brilliant and, I suspect, VERY effective!!
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Old 19th Sep 2006, 11:37
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I can't believe they failed to spot him.. the 'tache is a dead giveaway
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Old 19th Sep 2006, 12:12
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I remember one severe colour sgt PTI who used to criticise 50 young blokes at a time on a daily basis.

His favourite tools of the trade were the 50 foot ropes hanging from a large bar strewn between 2 enormous old oak trees at the back of the gym. Usual story... beastings, arms only etc.. pain..blisters...

Imagine our surprise when as a result of the huricane in 1987, the tree supporting the ropes blew down and through the roof of the gym.

But to cap the sense of irony further, another tree blew down and went through his own house roof.

I have to say that thankfully no one was hurt in the storm, but it gave us all a bl**dy good giggle!!
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Old 19th Sep 2006, 13:19
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The ulitmate bollocking ?

Erm, castration I assume ?
Krystal n chips is online now  
Old 19th Sep 2006, 17:55
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Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: UK
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I bet he frightened the crap out of someone when he moved...
CarltonBrowne the FO is offline  

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